Kenya has introduced the single-dose human papillomavirus (HPV) vaccine, which offers effective protection against the human papillomavirus (HPV) -the primary cause of cervical cancer. Previously, the HPV vaccine required a two-dose regimen (three in some cases) for enhanced protection.
Dr. Patrick Amoth, Director General of Health has urged parents and caregivers to ensure that all eligible girls aged 10 – 15 years receive the vaccine. He also called on healthcare professionals, parents, and the media to play an active role in raising awareness and debunking myths surrounding cervical cancer.
The latest GLOBOCAN 2022 report reports that Kenya records 5,845 new cases and 3,591 deaths each year, making cervical cancer a significant public health challenge.
According to the National Cancer Institute, nearly all people who are sexually active will become infected with HPV at some point in their lives. Most HPV infections go away on their own within a year or two as the immune system controls the infection. These short-term infections do not cause cancer. When a high-risk HPV infection lasts for years, it can lead to changes in the cervical cells, resulting in a precancerous lesion. If the precancerous lesion is not found and removed, it may eventually develop into cervical cancer.
People who become sexually active at a young age, especially before age 18, or have multiple sexual partners are more likely to become infected with a high-risk type of HPV.
Kenya’s Ministry of Health has launched a series of initiatives aimed at strengthening awareness on cervical cancer, promoting early screening, and enhancing community engagement. These include nationwide advocacy campaigns, partnerships with the STOP Cervical Cancer Coalition, and training programs for healthcare workers on the latest advancements in cervical cancer management.
Mummy Talesis a platform dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of womanhood and motherhood. Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan momshere. Connect with Mummy Tales on: FACEBOOK lYOU TUBE l INSTAGRAM l TWITTER
I’ve come across one Kenyan mother on TikTok by the user name @namunyakdebra who has expressed dismay at her church not having spaces/groups for single parents to meet after the main service. Usually, groups of people with similar interests meet to discuss issues of concern to them. For example widow groups, groups for young married couples as well as those who have been married for long, youth groups, men groups etc.
Her issue of concern is the church’s lack of single parents’ groups for congregants like her. She feels that single parents are unfairly discriminated against because of this. She laments about how this makes single parents like her feel left out and ‘out of place’.
The mother made the TikTok video while passing time after the main service, as she waited for her children to be released from their respective church engagements.
Visibly disappointed, she acknowledged that there’s nothing much she can do about it as it is the church’s structure. “It feels a bit unfair, but it is what it is,” she said. She is now considering finding a new church that is more accommodative of single parents like her.
The comments section was quite interesting, with many women sharing recommendations about their own churches where they feel embraced as single parents.
Some suggested that she voice her concern to the church leadership about the absence of groups for single parents.
Others shared that it is because of such discriminative practices that they stopped going to church altogether, choosing to instead worship God from the comfort of their homes.
Others agreed with her, suggesting that she finds a church where she will feel loved and embraced as a single parent.
How about you? Does your church accommodate single parents, or do you feel that it discriminates them? As a single parent, do you have an experience that you’d like to share? You can email me at maryanne@mummytales.com
Mummy Talesby Maryanne W. Waweru is a platform dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of womanhood and motherhood. Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan momshere. Connect with Mummy Tales on: FACEBOOK lYOU TUBE l INSTAGRAM l TWITTER
John Maina, 56, is a single father of seven: four girls and three boys. He hails from a small rural village in Nyeri County. In 2011, Maina lost his wife to childbirth complications as she delivered their seventh child. In this article, he talks about the circumstances that led to the demise of his wife.
Do you know the story of a woman who died during pregnancy, in childbirth, or within 42 days after giving birth? To better understand why many Kenyan women are still dying from pregnancy-related causes, you can help by telling their story. Please write to me atmaryanne@mummytales.com
By Maryanne W. WAWERU
I remember the day vividly. 14 April 2011. I had returned home in the evening from my routine tea-picking kibarua job at a neighbouring village. Heavily pregnant and almost due, I found my wife resting in bed. When I asked her if she was okay, her response was that she was fine, just that she was feeling a little tired, which I did not find to be unusual.
After catching up with the children, I excused myself at about 7pm and stepped out. I headed to the local shopping center to catch up with my friends over a sundowner. However, the drink had barely gone down my throat before I received an alarming call from my neighbour, informing me that my wife had given birth at home, and that she was bleeding profusely. The neighbour asked me to return home urgently, and to ensure that I came with money to hire a taxi to rush my wife to hospital.
I dashed back home and found my wife in a blood bath, in our bedroom. I tried talking to her, but she just lay there on the bed, still.
What had happened?
Shortly after I had left the house, my wife had gone into unexpected labor, and the delivery had been so fast with no time to prepare. She had been in the bedroom when the labour pains began and when they got intense, she called out for the children to get help from the neighbours. The children did as instructed but by the time the neighbours arrived, she had already delivered the baby, all by herself, in our bed.
The newborn was well, but the mother was not.
The neighbours swung into action by cutting the umbilical cord and wrapping the baby in warm blankets. My wife, weak from the episode whispered to my neighbours asking for a glass of water.
I got there in the middle of that pandemonium.
The taxi arrived shortly thereafter, and we rushed her to the nearest health facility, about 3km away. The journey to the health facility was on a rough road, which made the trip quite arduous.
When we got to the health facility, and immediately upon examining her while still in the vehicle, the nurses told us to instead rush her to the Nyeri Provincial General Hospital (PGH). I wondered why they instructed us this way, without even attending to her.
Nevertheless, we did as told and began another journey to the PGH, which was about 6km away. When we arrived there, they pronounced her dead on arrival. I was shocked! How?
I mean, hadn’t I had a conversation with her just before I left the house for a sundowner? Other than the usual pregnancy fatigue, wasn’t she otherwise okay? She had been well, with no problems by the time I was leaving the house. Hadn’t she had six other pregnancies before? Hadn’t she safely delivered all six babies? How was it that she was now dead? I couldn’t believe it.
Why did she die?
People were curious about what had led to my wife’s death. I was curious too. There was lots of talk in the village about her demise. There are those who said that it was her placenta that didn’t come out. Others said that her uterus came out together with the baby. I don’t know what exactly happened, but all I know is that she bled to death. The best explanation would have come from the medics, but I never asked them. I also never requested for a post-mortem because I saw no point in it, since it was not going to bring her back. There was no foul play, and she hadn’t died in unclear circumstances. That she had lost a lot of blood during childbirth was enough for me.
My wife’s birth history
My wife had delivered all our six older children with no complications at all. She had delivered all of them at home with the help of a few other older women. She knew how she did it, and it had never been an issue of concern.
She would regularly attend her antenatal clinics at a health facility but when it came to delivery, I never knew why she chose to deliver at home. I never understood it, I never asked her, and we never talked about it. I figured she was more knowledgeable about issues of pregnancy and childbirth than I was, and I trusted her. Besides, since she had never experienced any complications before, it never alarmed me, so I never insisted.
I had never once accompanied my wife to any of her antenatal clinics during her pregnancies. I must admit that pregnancy is something that I never made the effort to really understand. I fully relied on my wife, and I just used to go with what she said. I used to depend on her to tell me how things were. In hindsight, I should have done more. I should have been more engaged.
How has life been since his wife died?
I was left with a newborn and six other children to raise. As you can imagine, life has not been easy. However, my mother has been of great help. She is the one who cared and nurtured the newborn, together with all the other children. The newborn is now a healthy 13-year-old pupil in Grade 8. My mother has been my pillar and has helped us navigate life in the absence of my wife. I have never remarried as I’m not sure what value a new wife would bring to my life or that of my children. We are okay the way we are.
My wife died at the age of 44 years. She was too young to die and I still feel the gap she left in my life.
Her death taught me about how delicate pregnancies are, and how delivery is literally a matter of life and death.
To be honest, I never concerned myself much with my wife’s pregnancies. If I were to turn back the hands of time, I would be more involved. I would have accompanied her to her antenatal clinics as there, I would have learned more about healthy pregnancies and safe deliveries. Maybe I would have had a discussion with my wife about why she always chose to deliver at home instead of a hospital. We would have talked about it. Maybe I would have changed her mind and convinced her to deliver in a health facility. But it’s too late now.
Do you know the story of a woman who died during pregnancy, in childbirth, or within 42 days after giving birth? To better understand why many Kenyan women are still dying during childbirth, you can help by telling their story. Please write to me at maryanne@mummytales.com
Are you a nurse, midwife, gynaecologist, community health promoter or other healthcare professional with important information to share with the Kenyan community on this issue? Please write to me at maryanne@mummytales.com
Mummy Talesby Maryanne W. Waweru is a platform dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of womanhood and motherhood. Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan momshere. Connect with Mummy Tales on: FACEBOOK lYOU TUBE l INSTAGRAM l TWITTER
How late is too late to have a child? How old is too old to be a first-time mother?
So, there’s this 28-year-old lady who is worried that, at child-bearing age, she hasn’t thought of settling down with a husband/partner. But that’s not the main issue. Her greatest worry is that she wants children, but not just yet –at least not before she’s 36.
However, everyone she mentions this to keeps yapping about how the quality of eggs for a woman deteriorate after the age of 30. And even more scarier is that the deterioration rate goes on overdrive after the age of 35.
Her reason for wanting to delay childbearing is because she wants to continue enjoying life for now- scaling heights in the career ladder, traveling around the world for work leisure (which she currently frequently and comfortably does), lazing around on weekends doing nothing but binging on series’ and movies, and basically having no responsibilities at all other than herself. She would also like to continue clubbing for a couple of years more while imbibing her favourite tipple –something she has decided to stop doing once she has children. Until the age of 36, she still wants to continue exploring the world and enjoying life without serious commitments.
Thing is, she has seen what motherhood does to women, where the mother no longer has a life of her own, but one that is practically dictated to by her child/children.
She believes that motherhood, whether you like it or not, and regardless of whether you are with a supportive and present partner or not, changes the life of a woman completely. She believes that the decision to have a child is not one that should be taken lightly. For now, she enjoys a pretty comfortable and carefree life, one that she knows she will not be able to achieve once she becomes a mother –at least to the level of satisfaction she enjoys now.
So she’s pondering over the decision to delay having a child at least until she’s 36 years old as she feels she’ll then be mentally ready and fully committed to dealing with all the changes and responsibilities that come with motherhood.
But she’s also wondering if having a child after 36 will be too late for her, and if she’ll be able to have a healthy child considering that her eggs will have already significantly deteriorated at that age.
In an online forum whose membership is Kenyan mothers, I sought their advice on this matter. Below is a sample of some of their responses:
Fertility starts declining from mid 30’s. But every story is different. Go for it but remember advanced age comes with its own complications.
Have the babies when you are read mentally, spiritually and financially. And above all with a responsible partner who is ready, able and willing to be a dad.
I think Women should have children when they feel ready whether it’s at 20 or 40…..there is no guarantee in life so go for it.
Take your time. No need to suffer seeking acceptance from society. The child belongs to you. Any other person can abandon the child but not the mother. Prepare for them.
Have kids when you’re ready, not when society tells you to.
I had my daughter at 37. I don’t think I’d be the mother I am if I had her in say my twenties. Worked out perfectly for me. Wouldn’t change it for the world.
Please trust your guts. Do it if it feels right for you.
Having babies when one is ready is a beautiful decision.
Yes. It’s wise decision. It sounds unpopular because people have normalized giving birth at 20’s when the are emotionally immature and naïve when it comes to relationships. It is children by choice, not chance.
*If you are a mom who had a child/children later in life and would like to share your experience (you can be anonymous), please write me at maryanne@mummytales.com
Mummy Talesby Maryanne W. Waweru is a platform dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of womanhood and motherhood. Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan momshere. Connect with Mummy Tales on: FACEBOOK lYOU TUBE l INSTAGRAM l TWITTER
Principal Secretary for Public Health and Professional Standards, Ms. Mary Muthoni Muriuki.
Kenya’s Ministry of Health will launch a nationwide polio vaccination campaign from 2 – 6 October 2024, in response to a recent outbreak of circulating Vaccine-Derived Poliovirus Type 2 (cVDPV2) in the country.
This year, five cases have been confirmed, including four children from Kakuma Refugee Camp in Turkana County and one positive environmental surveillance sample in Kamukunji Sub-County, Nairobi.
The vaccination campaign will target over 3.8 million children under the age of five across nine high-risk counties: Nairobi, Busia, Bungoma, Turkana, Trans Nzoia, West Pokot, Kiambu, Machakos, and Kajiado, said Principal Secretary for Public Health and Professional Standards, Ms. Mary Muthoni Muriuki.
She emphasized the government’s commitment to eradicating polio and highlighted the crucial role of over 107,000 Community Health Promoters in the campaign’s success. Ms. Muriuki urged parents and caregivers in the target counties to ensure their children are vaccinated.
UPDATE as of 10 October 2024
Following numerous complaints by parents and guardians of children who had received the vaccine about adverse reactions on them, the Ministry of Health offered the below response:
“The Ministry of Health has received unverified reports regarding adverse events arising from the recent polio vaccination campaign. Investigations are ongoing, and a formal statement will be issued in due course. We discourage members of the public from spreading rumors and misinformation until the Ministry issues official information on this matter. Additional information on the polio vaccination campaign can be accessed from http://health.go.ke. For inquiries, please call 719.”
Mummy Talesby Maryanne W. Waweru is a platform dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of womanhood and motherhood. Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan momshere. Connect with Mummy Tales on: FACEBOOK lYOU TUBE l INSTAGRAM l TWITTER
I asked several Kenyan mothers on Facebook this question:
“What common challenges do new mothers face?”
I then listed down the most common and recurring responses they gave, in the hope that future moms, expectant moms, and current new moms can know that they are not alone in what they are facing. See them below:
1. Sleep deprivation and the resultant fatigue. Lack of sleep was the topmost challenge cited by almost all moms who responded
2. Anxiety and panic –when you keep checking on baby all the time just to ensure they are still breathing
3. Breastfeeding challenges especially cracked nipples which come about when baby latches wrongly. Cracked nipples can be HORRENDOUSLY painful!!!
4. Colic… when the baby cries nonstop for hours yet they are not hungry or sleepy and you just don’t know what to do…
5. When you can no longer recognize your body as you feel all sorts of battered, bruised and sore in every area from the tip of your hair to the soles of your feet. Sometimes you can still look very heavily pregnant, yet baby came out long ago. New motherhood can seriously alter you physically, mentally and emotionally and you struggle to understand who exactly you are, what you are doing on this earth and if you’ll make a good mom
6. The feeling that your freedom is long gone as you are now confined indoors with baby. The frustration of not being in control anymore as every decision -the time you wake up, sleep, shower, eat, answer your phone, catch some fresh air… is totally controlled by the baby
7. As easy as it may appear, bathing and dressing a newborn can be VERY stressful
8. There’s just so much to handle as a new mom and this can cause overwhelming bouts of sadness that can either be baby blues or post-partum depression.
9. The strain of a new baby in a relationship. A previously thriving relationship can begin turning sour because of the new roles and adjustments. Romance can simply vanish into thin air!
It gets better with time.
So those are the topmost challenges I gathered from the moms who shared their responses. The good thing that I’d like to assure new mothers, is that it gets better with time.
Also, if you feel overwhelmed, please seek help from your family, relatives, friends, neighbours, colleagues, etc. Reach out. Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help. You’ll be surprised at the overwhelming love and support that these communities have for you. You are not alone.
Do you have a motherhood experience that you’d like to share? Please email me at maryanne@mummytales.com
Mummy Talesby Maryanne W. Waweru is a platform dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of womanhood and motherhood. Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan momshere. Connect with Mummy Tales on: FACEBOOK lYOU TUBE l INSTAGRAM l TWITTER
I was instantly attracted to this book when a promo of it showed up on my Instagram feed. I was immediately drawn to it by the cover –the colors, the flashy girl, and the title. ‘Don’t judge a book by its cover’ notwithstanding, I, judging on its outward appearance alone, decided that it would be worth a read.
Now, let me begin by stating that ‘Risking it All’ by Anna-Maria Mwachinga is a purely Christian-based novel, so if you’re not into a scripture-based lifestyle, you may find it to be a bit of a challenging read.
So, the book principally features the family, romantic and professional life of the main character, Abby, a young lady who is a born-again Christian.
The author takes us through Abby’s experiences as a fresh graduate, and her entry into her first job as a management trainee in their family-owned business. We also get to learn about her life-long links with her childhood friends –one of whom is a fellow management trainee, her workplace experiences and of course, the romantic liaisons that characterize the life of most young adults in their early-to-mid-twenties. The author takes us through Abby’s internal conflict between two potential love interests, and her test of faith as a born-again Christian when it comes to dating –for marriage.
Parental influence
From my observation, Abby’s life is heavily peppered by the domineering presence and influence of her parents. I’m not sure if Abby is living her own life, or if she’s living her life as subtly dictated to by her parents.
Abby’s experiences remind me of the lives of many young Christian women. Always conflicted about doing right by God and by their parents, vs. wanting to just make their own decisions when faced with the temptations of the world and thereafter facing the consequences of their against-the-grain, sometimes radical decisions.
Abby’s experiences also made me ponder over the boundaries that one should have when it comes to their parent’s influence in their lives. At what point should one begin to make independent decisions, without heavily factoring in what their parents think? At what point should parents step back and let children live their own lives? How can parents offer guidance to their children without indirectly imposing their wishes and beliefs on them?
As a parent, it is good for you to read this book as it will help you reflect on how you parent your child, your power over them, and to what extent this influence is healthy.
The test of salvation
When we are saved and our love interests are non-saved people, what are we willing to compromise on, and what are our non-negotiables?
The book made me reflect on the dilemma that many born-again Christians face, between sticking to one’s strong beliefs vs looking at issues from a practical point of view. Some of the decisions by the characters in the book also made me think about our love interests and the lengths to which they are willing to go to be in our lives. Especially when they know about our non-negotiables. How can we determine their genuineness, more so when they come back to us freshly aligned with what they know are our deal breakers? Do they remain changed after we accept them, or do they revert once they know they have bagged the prize? Are we usually willing to take that risk?
These are some of the questions I kept asking myself as I flipped through the pages of ‘Risking it All’ by Anna-Maria Mwachinga.
What was a miss for me about the book was the inclusion of lengthy scriptures and prayers by some of the characters, which I didn’t think were necessary. For example, there is a part in the book where the entire Psalms 136 is published. Though they gave good context and meaning, I skipped most of those prayers and scriptures.
Would I recommend this book?
Absolutely! If you have a daughter, niece, cousin, friend, or friend’s daughter who is in her final year in campus, or one who has just graduated, this is a read they would appreciate. Especially if they have been raised in the Christian way of life.
The book is also good for parents who are raising their young children in the ways of the Lord, as it will help them to reinforce some values and teachings which will come in handy as they become young adults. So, this is a book for both young people and parents.
This is a new book, only launched earlier this month on 2 August 2024. I hope that the author will give us a sequel to this book because I am interested in knowing how Abby’s life turned out in her next chapter of life. I would like to know if it continued being sugar, spices, and all things nice, or if she got to face the real challenges of adulting life, particularly where romantic commitment is concerned.
Where to buy ‘Risking it All’ by Anna-Maria Mwachinga
You can purchase the book from My Bidhaa, Nuria bookstore or Amazon. If you do read the book, feel free to let me know your thoughts about it in the comments section below. If you have already read it, please share your thoughts too!
Are you an author of a book you would like me to review? You can write me at: maryanne@mummytales.com for more information.
Wilson Irungu, 42, is a local Administrator in Kiambu County. He is also a widower, raising his three children in Kenya’s capital city, Nairobi. Wilson lost his wife to maternal health complications in June 2022, soon after delivering their lastborn child. I had a chat with Wilson, where he talks about how this unfortunate event happened.
Maternal death is defined by the World Health Organization as the death of a woman while pregnant or within 42 days of termination of pregnancy from any cause related to or aggravated by the pregnancy or its management.
This is Wilson’s story.
“When my wife fell pregnant with our thirdborn child, we were both very excited. Our first two children had a birth spacing of seven years, something that we had both agreed on. Our third child was equally well planned for, coming seven years after our second born.
It was my desire that we would have another son so that I would name my father-in-law, in line with Kikuyu traditions. We already had a son and a daughter –both named after my parents, so this time round I hoped we would name my wife’s father.
Baby was too big
My wife’s pregnancy was smooth with no complications, like her two previous ones. However, the challenge, which lead to her untimely demise, started when she went into labor.
She called me at about 3am informing me that the nurses had told her that the baby was big, which presented a challenge for a natural birth. They also said that the baby was tired and in distress.
The medics had advised her to undergo a caesarean section, something she was hesitant about because of the risks any surgery carries. Her two previous births had been natural, so we had never had to worry about this before.
But since it was the doctors advising it, and considering that she had already been in labor for a while, we heeded their advice and consented to the surgery.
Wilson Irungu, who lost his wife to childbirth complications.
Bouncing baby boy
When I talked to my wife a few hours later at 7am, her mood was very upbeat. She had delivered a healthy, bouncing baby boy! We were both overjoyed as she congratulated me on my wish for a baby boy. I congratulated her too on the successful birth of our son and told her I couldn’t wait for her to recover and be back on her feet again.
Three days later, she was discharged from the hospital.
Severe pain and bleeding
Two weeks later, just before the follow-up/review appointment she had been given by the hospital, my wife expressed some concern. She told me that she was still bleeding very heavily, which she thought was unusual. She was also in a lot of pain.
While she had been on a cocktail of drugs, including antibiotics and painkillers, and had already completed the dose, she was worried that the bleeding was still heavy, and so was the pain.
Something just didn’t seem right, she said.
When she told me this, we quickly returned to the hospital where she had delivered. Upon examination, the medics told us that while the wound was healing well on the outside, the inside still needed some more time.
They told us that it appeared she had some clots and prescribed more medication. They assured us that the situation was not alarming, and that all would soon be well. We left relieved, because we trusted their word.
Persistent unbearable pain
Unfortunately, we returned to the hospital just two days later when my wife’s pain become unbearable. The medics tried explaining to us what was happening, but it was basically a lot of technical jargon which we could not understand.
All I asked of them was to admit my wife for closer observation because I felt she would be safer at the hospital with their close monitoring and urgent action in case of anything. But they refused to do so, insisting that the situation was not alarming and that she could recover well at home.
We were somewhat 50/50 about going home, but they kept reassuring us that there was nothing to worry about. Since they were the experts, we returned home, albeit half-heartedly.
On standby
Once home, and with the medic’s assurance that the situation was not alarming, I travelled to Nyeri to my in-law’s place as there was some work I was undertaking with them. I would be back in a few days.
I left Nairobi on an early Monday morning and remained in constant communication with my wife. I would check on her every few hours. She would tell me that she was still in some pain, but that if it got worse, she would let me know. I told her that I was on standby to rush back in case the situation got worse.
Two days later, my wife told me that the pain was still bad. While she wasn’t bleeding anymore, the pain was horrible. I told her that I would come immediately but since Nyeri to Nairobi is about three hours away, I would in the meantime organize for a neighbourhood taxi to take her to hospital right away.
She however said that the pain was somewhat still bearable, so I didn’t need to come to Nairobi or send for the taxi. She told me she would give me a proper update the following day.
Wilson Irungu’s late wife.
“I’m dying”
The call that would change our lives forever came very early the following morning at about 3.45am.
“I’m dying” were the words that my wife said to me.
Frantic, she told me that the wound from the caesarean section had burst, and she was now bleeding profusely.
Panicky, I called a neighbour and asked him to rush to the house and take her to the hospital as I made my way back from Nyeri. I then called my wife again and told her that I was sending for help and that I was on my way.
My neighbour took just a few seconds to get to our house and when they got there, found my wife had collapsed on the floor. He quickly rushed her to the hospital –the same one she had delivered.
At the hospital, it was established that my wife was bleeding internally as her CS wound had indeed burst. It was an emergency situation.
Her dying words
When I arrived at the hospital about three hours later, I found the medics still trying to stop the bleeding. When I saw what they were doing, I told them they obviously were incapable of handling an emergency of that nature and asked them why they hadn’t already transferred her to a better equipped facility. I threw a tantrum until they allowed me to transfer her to Kenyatta National Hospital (KNH).
My wife conscious, but in lots of pain. I tried to engage her in conversation, to keep her awake. I kept reassuring her that she would pull through, but the only words she was able to weakly mumble were:
“Please raise our children well.” Those are the last words my dear wife ever spoke.
We got to KNH at about 9am. My wife passed away right there at the casualty as the doctors desperately tried to save her life.
She died on 10 June, exactly a month after she delivered our son on 10 May. She died at the prime age of just 37 years.
Support system
Today, my son tuns 2 years. I have had a great support system that has helped me raise him, alongside my two other children. A special gratitude to my sisters and my sisters-in-law who have never left my side and have remained very dedicated to supporting my family, which they continue to do till now.
Because of the pain I felt, I wanted to sue the hospital but after much consideration, I decided to let it go because I felt that it would be too involving and would not bring my wife back. I know how exhausting the process of legally instituting such a case is, so I chose to instead focus on putting all my energy in raising my children well, just as my wife instructed me to on her dying bed.
My first born is now in Form 3 while the second is in Grade 5.
I remember we had planned well for our last born child, joking that this would be our retirement baby who would keep us young in our 60’s. It is sad that she is not here to actualise this. I’m however grateful for the blessings of the three children she left me with, who are a constant reminder of her presence in my life.
I miss my wife dearly.”
Wilson is one of the Assistant Chiefs in Kiambu County. He tells me that:
“Now, being a local Administrator, I really understand what one feels after loosing a loved one. I have to write burial permits everyday as part of my work, and my experience on what I have gone through after losing my dear wife gives me the courage to console each person/family in that situation that I come across. It is not easy, but in all things we give thanks to God.”
What words of encouragement do you have for Wilson? You can share them in the comments section below.
Mummy Talesby Maryanne W. Waweru is a platform dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of womanhood and motherhood. Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan momshere. Connect with Mummy Tales on: FACEBOOK lYOU TUBE l INSTAGRAM l TWITTER
In African society, many women who have only one child are usually asked the question: “Kamoja tu? Mbona huongezi kengine?” (why just one child? Why aren’t you adding another one?)
This is because, in a society that defines a woman’s worth by her ability to give birth –and how many children she can give birth to, the expectation is for the typical African woman to have more than one child. In fact, it is demanded of her, so to speak. A woman’s worth is determined by her maternal capacities.
So, in one of the online groups I’m in whose membership is thousands of Kenyan mothers, the following question was posed:
“Mothers with only one child, what makes you scared to give birth again? What makes you reluctant to have a second child?”
Hundreds of women responded. There are many reasons why women choose to have only one child. I will just summarize the main (and repeated) reasons that were shared in response to that question. Important to note is that I was not able to deduce the women’s ages or the ages of their children, or their marital statuses.
The comments are also not reflective of mothers with secondary infertility (unable to get pregnant or carry a pregnancy to term after previously giving birth).
Some of these responses can help inform healthcare workers as they handle pregnant women and mothers, for better outcomes. See the reasons below:
Traumatic pregnancy and birth experience
Most of the respondents said the labour pains they felt with their first child has made them never want to have another baby. The overall sentiments they used to describe their labour experience can be summarized in these three words: ‘I saw death’. Their experiences were so horrible that they dare not contemplate ever having another birth experience.
A horrible vaginal examination (VE) experience left some women too traumatized to attempt to get pregnant again for fear of undergoing a repeat experience.
Caesarean section (CS) recovery. The mothers who cited this said they experienced extreme pain, infection and bleeding that almost led to loss of life. Reading the descriptions they gave of their post-CS experiences was quite distressing I must say.
Nausea and vomiting throughout the pregnancy. Those who cited this reason (also known as hyperemesis gravidarum) said they vomited from the first day up to the ninth month –including on the day of delivery. An experience they can never wish to go through again.
Having a delicate pregnancy that involved having their cervix temporarily closed through sewing in a cervical stitch (McDonald stitch) procedure and being put bedrest for most of the pregnancy
Those who experienced third or fourth-degree vaginal tears during delivery (which in some cases led to urinary and/or faecal incontinence (fistula)
Great fears
The fear of losing another baby
Fear of going to the theatre again
Fear of giving birth to a special needs child again
Fear of giving birth to a premature baby again
Fear of having another sick child (newborn had a medical condition that made them spend months in hospital)
Fear of becoming a single mother again
Post-partum depression that lasted months, which at some point made them suicidal
Extremely painful breastfeeding experiences (inverted nipples, cracked nipples that left the mother bleeding, in excruciating pain and in tears, as well as general exhaustion from breastfeeding)
Sleepless nights that would leave them drained, weak, fatigued and unable to function properly (especially for working mothers)
Their marriages ended and they don’t want to get a child outside marriage
“I don’t like kids. I don’t have that connection with children. Catch me dead doing it for the second time. Not all women are meant to be moms.”
“I was never interested in being a mother. It just happened and I couldn’t get out of it. I can’t repeat that mistake (of getting pregnant) again.”
“I lack the time to raise another child” (too busy with work/career)
“Kids are emotionally draining. They are too much work and too much responsibility. I can’t ever do it again.”
“I love my space and independence. Children take that away from you.”
“I’m too unhappy in my marriage to have another child with my husband. If I meet the right person in the future, I’ll probably try again.”
Financial reasons, where they don’t feel confident about being able to give the next child the kind of life they desire for them due to their financial challenges.
So now, in case you see a mother with just one child, and you are tempted to ask her: kamoja tu? Si uongeze kengine?, I hope you now have an idea of some of the reasons as to why she has that kamoja tu.
Did I miss another reason? You can add it in the comments section below.
Do you have a motherhood experience or testimony you’d like to share? Email me: maryanne@mummytales.com
Mummy Talesby Maryanne W. Waweru is a platform dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of womanhood and motherhood. Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan momshere. Connect with Mummy Tales on: FACEBOOK lYOU TUBE l INSTAGRAM l TWITTER
This is the story of a young 29-year-old mom who sent me her story about her abusive relationship, and what made her eventually leave it.
“I got into a relationship with a man who I believed was ‘the one’. However, his true colors would soon begin to show. He started attacking me right from the early stages of the relationship.
After coming home from work, he would go through my handbag and phone just to check who called or sent me text messages. Whenever he thought he saw something suspicious, he would demand an explanation. Sometimes he would hit me while doing so and the more I would try to reason with him, the more he would beat me up.
The abuse continued as the relationship progressed.
Before long, I discovered I was pregnant. I hoped that he would change since we were now going to have a baby. They say babies have a way of mellowing one down.
But I was wrong.
Violence during pregnancy
It so happened that my pregnancy was complicated and despite knowing this, he didn’t make things any easier. There are days when he would attack me even when I was really sick. He would strangle me, kick and hit me while saying that the pregnancy wasn’t his. The beatings continued throughout the pregnancy. He did not care that I risked losing the baby.
Meanwhile, my health challenges during the pregnancy led me to lose my job as I would miss work so many times. When I became jobless, the abuse intensified. He would say that I was nothing without him.
He told me not to think about leaving him, threatening that if I did, he would track me and kill both the baby and I. I lived in perpetual fear of him. I also wondered where I would go -pregnant and jobless.
The day I tried to leave
Meanwhile, the nurse who used to see me during my antenatal care visits would warn me that the stress from my relationship was affecting the pregnancy as I had developed high blood pressure. But I seemed lost on what to do about it.
I would confide in my sisters and my grandmother about what was going on and they would caution me, telling me that if I didn’t leave the relationship, it was only a matter of time before the man would kill me. But I was too scared to leave him. What if he actualized his threats of killing my baby and I, as he had threatened so many times?
One day, I attempted to leave. This was after he had beat me up so bad, and I felt that I couldn’t take it anymore. Sadly, when I tried to leave, he grabbed me, kicked and choked me until I thought I would die. After he had exhausted his strength on me, he locked me inside the house and left with the keys as he went to work. I had no food in the house that day, so I stayed hungry, bruised and bleeding.
Eventually, by the grace of God, I delivered my baby who was born healthy.
A few days after my discharge from hospital, I remember begging him to serve me food (I was weak from the birth and was still bleeding) and instead of doing so, he slapped me so hard across my face because I had dared ask him to serve me. How could I have even entertained the thought of asking him to do so, he said as he hit me.
The day I finally left
I got a job when my son was around a year old. Then he started accusing me of sleeping around because I suddenly had money. He would gang up with his mum to frustrate me. (I used to live with her in their rural family home).
One time, she told me “Even if he beats you up, I will still support him because he’s my son.” She would often ridicule me.
The last time he hit me was when our son was one year and nine months old. That was the last straw. I got up and told myself that I was not going to raise my son in that kind of environment. I vowed that was the last time that he was ever going to hit me. I had had enough. Enough was enough.
That day, I mustered all my strength and left.
I rented a single room and began life with my son. It is where we still are today. I do menial jobs to support us both. Starting out has not been easy, but at least my son and I have peace.
It has been six months since I left. He has never reached out to know about me or our son, and that’s okay.
That relationship lasted three years. Three years of pure abuse. It was not worth it.
What I would like to tell a woman is that if he hits you for the first time, he’ll surely do it again. And again and again. Don’t wait until its too late. And don’t be afraid to leave and start your life together with your child. There is no harm in being a single mother and I believe you will be helping your children more by leaving, rather than raising them in the toxic environment of domestic violence.” -END
Have you ever been in an abusive relationship, which you left? What would you like to tell other women based on your experience? Email me on maryanne@mummytales.com and I’ll be in touch.
If you are in an abusive relationship or know someone who is, you can call the National Gender Violence Helpline (toll-free) number: 1195 and you will be assisted. Calling 1195 is free and operates on a 24-hour basis.
Mummy Talesis a platform dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of womanhood and motherhood. Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan momshere. Connect with Mummy Tales on: FACEBOOK lYOU TUBE l INSTAGRAM l TWITTER
Mummy Tales is a platform dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of womanhood and motherhood. Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan moms here. Connect with Mummy Tales on: FACEBOOK l YOU TUBE l INSTAGRAM l TWITTER
