How late is too late to have a child? How old is too old to be a first-time mother?
So, there’s this 28-year-old lady who is worried that, at child-bearing age, she hasn’t thought of settling down with a husband/partner. But that’s not the main issue. Her greatest worry is that she wants children, but not just yet –at least not before she’s 36.
However, everyone she mentions this to keeps yapping about how the quality of eggs for a woman deteriorate after the age of 30. And even more scarier is that the deterioration rate goes on overdrive after the age of 35.
Her reason for wanting to delay childbearing is because she wants to continue enjoying life for now- scaling heights in the career ladder, traveling around the world for work leisure (which she currently frequently and comfortably does), lazing around on weekends doing nothing but binging on series’ and movies, and basically having no responsibilities at all other than herself. She would also like to continue clubbing for a couple of years more while imbibing her favourite tipple –something she has decided to stop doing once she has children. Until the age of 36, she still wants to continue exploring the world and enjoying life without serious commitments.
Thing is, she has seen what motherhood does to women, where the mother no longer has a life of her own, but one that is practically dictated to by her child/children.
She believes that motherhood, whether you like it or not, and regardless of whether you are with a supportive and present partner or not, changes the life of a woman completely. She believes that the decision to have a child is not one that should be taken lightly. For now, she enjoys a pretty comfortable and carefree life, one that she knows she will not be able to achieve once she becomes a mother –at least to the level of satisfaction she enjoys now.
So she’s pondering over the decision to delay having a child at least until she’s 36 years old as she feels she’ll then be mentally ready and fully committed to dealing with all the changes and responsibilities that come with motherhood.
But she’s also wondering if having a child after 36 will be too late for her, and if she’ll be able to have a healthy child considering that her eggs will have already significantly deteriorated at that age.
In an online forum whose membership is Kenyan mothers, I sought their advice on this matter. Below is a sample of some of their responses:
- Fertility starts declining from mid 30’s. But every story is different. Go for it but remember advanced age comes with its own complications.
- Have the babies when you are read mentally, spiritually and financially. And above all with a responsible partner who is ready, able and willing to be a dad.
- I think Women should have children when they feel ready whether it’s at 20 or 40…..there is no guarantee in life so go for it.
- Take your time. No need to suffer seeking acceptance from society. The child belongs to you. Any other person can abandon the child but not the mother. Prepare for them.
- Have kids when you’re ready, not when society tells you to.
- I had my daughter at 37. I don’t think I’d be the mother I am if I had her in say my twenties. Worked out perfectly for me. Wouldn’t change it for the world.
- Please trust your guts. Do it if it feels right for you.
- Having babies when one is ready is a beautiful decision.
- Yes. It’s wise decision. It sounds unpopular because people have normalized giving birth at 20’s when the are emotionally immature and naïve when it comes to relationships. It is children by choice, not chance.
*If you are a mom who had a child/children later in life and would like to share your experience (you can be anonymous), please write me at maryanne@mummytales.com
Mummy Tales by Maryanne W. Waweru is a platform dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of womanhood and motherhood. Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan moms here. Connect with Mummy Tales on: FACEBOOK l YOU TUBE l INSTAGRAM l TWITTER