This is the hysterectomy story of a 37-year-old Kenyan mother preparing to undergo the surgery tomorrow. On the eve of the surgery, she opens up about the fears, questions, struggles, doubts and other quiet thoughts going through her mind.
By Maryanne W. Waweru l maryanne@mummytales.com
“Tomorrow, I will be undergoing a hysterectomy. That is, I’ll be having my uterus removed. At this time tomorrow, the very body in my organ that, in many ways, is tied to a woman’s identity (at least according to society) will no longer be a part of me. And that thought both terrifies and relives me in equal measure.
My procedure is scheduled for 3pm. Tonight, as I sit here on my bed after putting my children to sleep, I’m experiencing a cocktail of emotions. My mind is not at ease. Hundreds of questions are furiously racing through it.
Is this the right decision? What will I feel after the surgery? Will I still feel like a woman? Will I still be a woman? What if something goes wrong? Is it too late to change my mind?
So how did I get here?
My womanhood and I have been in battle for quite a while now. My children are aged 11 and 13 years. When I turned 30, I started experiencing heavy bleeding, but I adjusted, just like many women do. I thought it was manageable. But by the time I was 33, I was soaking through two maxi-thick pads in an hour. The heavy bleeding, accompanied by intense cramping, was a nightmare.
Discovering I had fibroids
Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore and went to see a doctor who, after physcially examining my abdomen, suspected fibroids. He sent me for a scan which indeed confirmed that I had fibroids. Surgery to remove them was recommended, but I was too scared to have it.
So I spoke to a few women who advised that I try local herbal remedies to shrink the fibroids. I tried them, hoping they would work. But they didn’t (and they cost a pretty penny by the way).
I remember one time feeling so fatigued, drained and completely out of energy. When I started feeling dizzy, I knew things were bad and rushed to the hospital. Tests were done and my bloodwork showed that my haemoglobin level was 7.2. I was told that I have anaemia. My body didn’t have enough iron, courtesy of the heavy bleeding.
The decision to have surgery
At 35, when the blood loss and accompanying pain were too much, and with constantly needing to swallow iron supplements that made my poo as black as soot, I gave in. I was too tired. I decided to have the fibroids removed.
However, I was warned by fellow women who had undergone the procedure before.
“They will grow back,” they said.
But by then, I was too tired to think that far ahead and just wanted a solution. I would deal with other issues later.
Then, a few days later I thought about it again and decided not to have the surgery. I convinced myself to try local herbal remedies again, especially after reading a few encouraging testimonies from some women.
But again, they didn’t work for me. The pain and the bleeding got worse.
I endured this until last month when one day, I collapsed at work. My iron levels had dropped too low. Someone told me that if I didn’t address the underlying cause of the anaemia, my other organs would begin being affected.
The decision to have my uterus removed
I don’t know about the accuracy of that information, but it scared me enough. I decided that I was going to have the surgery. This time not to remove the fibroids, but to remove the entire unit -the uterus altogether. I was done. I didn’t want to deal with periods again. I also don’t plan on having more children, so the uterus is going.
So here I am now. A part of me knows this surgery will finally bring me the relief I have desired for so long. But another part of me also feels like I’m losing something so important to me as a woman. Who will I be without a uterus? It’s the loss of a key body organ, you know. How will I feel afterwards? Will I feel hollow? Will I still feel like a woman? Will I regret it?
What has made this even more confusing is all the advice coming from other women.
Some have told me, “Make sure they don’t remove your ovaries.”
And I keep wondering -why? What is it about the ovaries? What happens if they remove them?
Others have told me to ask my doctor about Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT), and now that has made me even more afraid. Hormonal therapy? That sounds big. And complicated.
I fear that if I keep thinking about this or worse, if I start googling, I’ll scare myself into changing my mind about having surgery -again.
Let me just sleep for now. Tomorrow will take care of itself.”
If you have gone through a hysterectomy or are considering one, and would like to share your experience (even anonymously) to encourage another woman, feel free to write to me at maryanne@mummytales.com
Mummy Tales by Maryanne W. Waweru is a platform dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of womanhood and motherhood. Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan moms here. Connect with Mummy Tales on: FACEBOOK l YOU TUBE l TWITTER
