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Is Blogging Really Worth it? This is My Experience

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
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So today, I’m quite excited to let you know that Mummy Tales has been recognized as the Best Women and Girls Empowerment blog in the country! This was announced last Saturday during the Blogger’s Association of Kenya (BAKE) annual awards. The category was sponsored by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.

I’d like to thank you so much for your support; for reading, for regularly coming to check the new posts that I’ve put up, for your comments, tweets, for participating in the poll questions, and for sharing posts with your friends. I sincerely thank all those who voted for the blog. May God bless you abundantly.

I’d also like to acknowledge and thank all the brave women who have allowed me to share their stories here on the blog. These stories continue to inspire many, and I believe that the lives of many women have been impacted as a result. Thanks too for the guest writers who send me their stories and of course, a special thanks to Sylvia Wakhisi as well.

Is Blogging Worth it?

It has been a great journey for me since I began the blog six years ago, when I was eight months pregnant with my first son. That was in March 2011. When I started the blog, I thought it would be just about me and my motherhood experiences (and I thought only my family and friends would read it –out of obligation, perhaps even pity for me), but over the years I’ve come to realize that there are so many motherhood experiences to be shared, to be told; experiences that I personally haven’t undergone or may never go through, but yet, they need to be told. They must be told. Hence why the blog now incorporates the experiences of other women, other moms, and even dads!

This is a photo of my and my first son when he was 3 months old. #Nostalgia
This is a photo of my first son and I when he was 3 months old. #Nostalgia

I must admit that it’s been a journey of ups and downs, where many times I have asked myself: “What am I doing? Is all this hard work worth it? Is blogging really worth the hassle?” But because I’m so passionate about inspiring people through my writing, I keep going. And going. And so going! Whenever I’m typing out a story, I literally get a ‘high’. I absolutely love writing as I feel so inspired by the stories I tell! Doesn’t it just feel so great when one gets such joy from what they do for a living? That’s me and this blog. Besides, this is my ministry, so I will keep doing it.

Then also, when I receive emails from you my readers, telling me of the encouragement you get from the different stories, the renewed hope that you get, when you tell me that you’re now more alert during pregnancy because of the information you’ve read here (especially these pre-eclampsia stories), I’m encouraged to keep going. It also becomes motivating when I receive awards :).

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So, I appreciate all of you my readers for keeping it here, and I will continue to carry on with the noble work of sharing inspirational stories of women, mothers, girls and children here, stories that I hope can inform us and help us learn something new, stories that will encourage us and restore our faith in God, stories that will give us hope.

And by the way, I’ve been able to receive a number work opportunities over the years as a result of this blog. Also, various partnerships with different brands. So is blogging really worth it? Yes it is!

If you have an experience regarding pregnancy, childbirth, about raising children or general issues about being a woman or being a girl, you can reach me through maryanne@mummytales.com, inbox me on Facebook or reach me on Twitter @MummyTales and I’ll be in touch with you.

Thanks again and have a blessed day.

What Does Mother’s Day Feel Like for a Woman Facing Infertility Challenges?

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
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Editah Hadassa Trip

In a post that I previously published about Editah Hadassa Trip, she, 10 years into her marriage with husband Ken Trip Okoye, remains hopeful that she will bear her own child someday. That she will become a mom. She is a ‘waiting womb’.

Through Editah and her online support group Waiting Wombs, I have come to learn of the different experiences that thousands of women facing infertility challenges go through. I have read their experiences, struggles, triumphs, and shed tears of pain and joy with them.

Now, when a few days to Mother’s Day, my timelines began filling up with Mother’s Day promotional messages, I couldn’t help but think of the women who yearn to become moms, but that hasn’t happened for them –yet. I found myself asking the question: How do women going through infertility challenges feel on Mother’s Day? A day when newspapers, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, TV and radio, churches, restaurants, spa’s, WhatsApp groups… all go out in promoting the day, sometimes even commercializing it and giving attractive gifts to mothers only? What does Mother’s Day feel like for a ‘waiting womb’, when all she desires is to become a mom but it’s just not happening for her?

Editah and her husband.
Editah and her husband.

I didn’t have answers to that, so what I did is I reached out to Editah. Today, I share (with permission) responses to this question from different women who are ‘waiting wombs’ regarding this. Their identities are concealed.

  • I celebrate my mum who has been my source of hope and encouragement. Despite having blocked tubes, she gives me hope that soon I’ll hold my baby.
  • I have had beautiful souls in my life; my grandmother and aunt who took up the role of my mum when she passed on. So on Mother’s Day, I call them and thank them for their unwavering support, and continue to plead with God on my behalf and other families in the same predicament. I have learned not to question God and I often choose joy even in my lowest.
  • I stay alone on that day, not wanting anyone to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day. I often have so many questions in my heart.
  • My husband and my mother-in-law have gotten me presents for the two years we’ve been together because we believe I will be a mom to triplets soon!
  • Most times I barely remember the day. When I do, I call my mum and remind her of the funny things we did in my childhood days. I also thank God for the waiting period and just trust God. I know it can cause some emptiness to most waiting wombs.
  • I dread this day because it reminds me of my emptiness. Being on a Sunday makes it hard to be ignored. Our church especially is keen on celebrating mothers with special songs, sermon, cake and sometimes flowers. I appreciate this genuinely but I have always ended up in tears. Last year I ran out of church because I couldn’t contain the painful reminder. I’m considering not attending church this time. It’s been 7.5 years of waiting, and I’m still hopeful and I thank God for waiting with me.
  • I celebrate my mother who has been my source of hope and inspiration. I’m so glad that I still have her in my life, and it also keeps me hopeful that my too day is coming.
  • I celebrate all those who are blessed with children because I know there is a reason why things are the way they are…
  • On Mother’s Day, I celebrate my mum because despite her being widowed at the age of 25 years, she managed to raise us into beautiful women and men
  • Mother’s Day makes me sad, anxious, wishful and most importantly, prayerful.
  • Mother’s Day drives me deep into thoughts. Thanks to my mum who is a true source of inspiration, love and hope. Thanks too for the gift of salvation that has kept me going.
  • Mother’s Day is a painful reminder of the 8 pregnancies I have lost. It’s a reminder that I am different no matter the ‘faith’ and the ‘believing’ –who am I kidding –I am childless. So for me Mother’s Day is spent alone indoors.

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Being the ‘Perfect Mom’ + Mother’s Day Giveaway

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
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Today I’ll talk about being a perfect mom, and I’ll do so by sharing my own experience.

When I found out I was expecting my first child, I was ecstatic. Over the moon. Delighted. Absolutely grateful. I started taking folic acid and my diet changed to strictly healthy foods that included green leafy vegetables and fruits. Then a pal of mine told me about Baby Center and I subscribed to it and would look forward to the weekly updates.

When I was 19 weeks pregnant, we did an ultrasound and found out we were expecting a boy. Let’s just say that by month five of my pregnancy, I had bought everything I needed for him. I had all these lovely outfits in white, different shades of blue, grey, brown and a little bit of green. They were neatly folded, fresh-smelling and arranged according to size and color. I would glance at them every so often, whilst smiling to myself.

I also talked to my baby often, sang to him and told him he’d grow up to be a conqueror. Save for the intense hunger cravings and the overwhelming need to sleep anywhere, anytime and all day long, my pregnancy was relatively smooth.

I religiously attended my antenatal clinics, shopped for a hospital and made the booking in advance. We even did Lamaze classes to prepare for the birth and those first few days after birth. I was in control. I had it all together. I was on the road to becoming a perfect mom.

Until I became a mom.

Haaaaaaaaaaa!

MYDawababy2

First of all, in those first few weeks, there are days I couldn’t figure out if I was coming or going. Or moving at all! Many times I couldn’t tell if it was Tuesday or Saturday or Wednesday, or whether it was morning, noon or night. At some point I didn’t even know if it was April or October or July. Then my body just felt strange and I couldn’t recognize it. Nie reke ngwire! My life was a blur.

Things that Make Motherhood Easier 

Today, my son is six years and he has a four-year-old brother. I have gone through different motherhood seasons in those years, which makes me laugh at how I thought I was on the road to being a perfect mom. There’s nothing like that. My life today is all about balancing motherhood and all other areas of my life; career, blogging, being a wife, girlfriends, chama, fevers, hospital trips when the boys are unwell, increasing milk and unga prices, job loss, brokenness, school runs, natural hair issues, keeping up with Kenyan politics, trying to reply to SMS’s at least within two weeks, middle-class Kenyan issues…).

Striking that balance has not been easy, but I have proudly managed to keep my head above the water. I’m driven by the need to give my family the best and being there for my sons. I am certainly not a perfect mom and I don’t believe there is anyone who is, but I have learnt that for sanity purposes, every mom must deliberately work towards striking that balance however elusive it may seem.

Of course, there are a few things that have worked towards making my life easier as a mom, such as:

  • Having great family support. And never being shy to ask for help.
  • Having a good house girl. Weeeeh!
  • Learning from the network that is Kenyan moms, who always have lots of helpful information and referrals
  • Not comparing myself with other moms
  • Cutting myself some slack
  • Looking out for good deals from different shops or online platforms
  • Installing helpful Apps on my phone, such as this one.

So how about you? What has your experience been? Has your view of motherhood when you were pregnant, to the reality of how it is now changed? Also, what are some of the things make your life easier as a mom?

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Information on the #MYDAWAMums Giveaway

So tomorrow we celebrate Mother’s Day and this year, I’ve teamed up with MYDAWA to reward six moms with Sh2,500 each. With this, they will then be able to buy any product on MYDAWA, such as personal care products, cosmetics, wellness and hygiene products. There’s also various skin products including for babies who have sensitive skin, and so much more. MYDAWA offers a wide range of quality medication and supplements that you and your family needs to get well, stay well and live well. Just what every mom needs.

To enter the competition, go here to the Mummy Tales Facebook page and follow the instructions on the GIVEAWAY ALERT post.

This #MothersDayKE competition with MYDAWA ends at 10pm on Sunday 14 May 2017.

All the best and happy Mother’s Day!

Giving Birth in Kenya: “Why any Pregnancy Complication must be Treated like an Emergency” Winfred Mbathe’s Story

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
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0
Winfred Mbathe.

I love drawing inspiration from people’s stories, and I always reckon that if they inspire me so much, then they may inspire other people as well. Hence the reason why I expanded the content of this blog to not only featuring my own motherhood experiences, but the experiences of other moms as well. Today, I bring you the story of 25-year-old Winfred Mbathe Muthui, a young mother of one and university student. I got to learn of Winfred’s story through one of the Kenyan ‘mum’ Facebook groups I’m in, and later followed it up with her. We met for coffee a few Saturdays ago, and this is her story.

Just after delivering her daughter on 7 December 2012, Winfred immediately knew that something was wrong. Her baby didn’t cry as was expected.

“Why isn’t my baby crying,” a desperate Winfred asked the nurses. But the nurses were busy working on her newborn to give her much attention.

Related: “How I Survived Preeclampsia (high blood pressure in pregnancy)” -Helen Njoroge’s Story

About five minutes later, the baby let out a faint, barely audible cry. She was immediately taken to the newborn unit and placed on oxygen.

While Winfred had enjoyed a relatively smooth pregnancy, things had suddenly started going wrong a few days to the birth. At 39 weeks pregnant, she had experienced an excruciating headache and when she went to the clinic, she was informed that her blood pressure had spiked. She was put on medication for this.

A few days later, she went into labor and proceeded to the public hospital where she’d planned to deliver her baby. Unfortunately, the nurses were on strike! Winfred was advised to seek services at a nearby private health facility, which she did.

Bleeding while in Labor

There, her high blood pressure level was found to be quite high, and she was immediately admitted. She would then endure four days of labor, being induced in between, amidst fluctuating blood pressure. But still, the baby wasn’t coming. They decided to refer Winfred to yet another private hospital –this time a better-equipped one.

“By the time I got to the hospital, I was bleeding. My blood pressure was also very high. I couldn’t feel my baby moving, and neither could a heartbeat be detected. By then I had fully dilated and was told to push. When I delivered my baby Angel Ndanu, she didn’t cry as was supposed to happen. I immediately knew that something was wrong,” remembers Winfred.

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“Why I’ve Considered Resigning from my PR Job Many Times” -Diana Madegwa

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
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0
A pregnant Diana with her husband.

29 year-old Diana Madegwa is a mother of one. Her son Gabriel Hekima is just a year old. A former journalist now in the world of Public Relations (PR), Diana shares insights into her pregnancy and new motherhood experiences, including how she attempts to strike the balance between motherhood and career. She spoke to Mummy Tales writer SYLVIA WAKHISI (who is a new mom herself -congratulations Sylvia!). This is Diana’s story. 

“My pregnancy journey was coupled with both exciting and tough moments. First, my morning sickness during the first trimester wasn’t just in the morning; it was all day sickness! I couldn’t eat. I lost weight and became so skinny. I vomited all the time, especially at night. I couldn’t stand the smell of food or even the sight of it. I survived on strong tea.

Then came the second trimester which thankfully was more manageable. I enjoyed feeling the baby move, and loved talking and singing to him. It was a great time.

Diana-Madegwa--1c

During the third trimester, the ‘morning’ sickness started again. Every day at around 9am, I would feel so weak, dizzy and nauseous. I would go to the office washroom and just sit down with my head bowed down in the toilet, retching, every single day!

My doctor told me that the dizzy spells were because the space in my feeding time was too long; between 7pm – 9am. She advised me to feed on some snacks in between the two meal times. Well, it helped on some days.

I remember the last weeks of pregnancy were so tiresome. I couldn’t stand for more than five minutes. I always felt as though my back was on fire.

What got me through the first trimester were some pills that the doctor prescribed. I used to eat them like sweets any time I felt nauseous. Thankfully they helped. During the third trimester, I tried as much as possible to have snacks. I also avoided standing for long.

You may also like: Mary’s Trying to Conceive Journey (watch video below)

When I was pregnant, I was so impatient and couldn’t wait to know the baby’s sex. But my husband said we should wait until the baby was born. However, one day at the hospital during a regular checkup, I asked the doctor if she was able to tell the sex of the baby.

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“Why are you Wasting your Husband?” Editah Trip Talks about her 7 Year Journey of Trying to Conceive

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
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Editah and her husband.

Editah Hadassa Trip, 33, and her husband Ken Trip Okoye, 38, have been married for 10 years. They are ‘Waiting Wombs’. What is a ‘waiting womb’, you ask? Editah explains this by sharing her own story. Read on.

“After our grand wedding in 2007, I wasn’t keen on conceiving at least in the first three years. We were still on ‘honeymoon’ hence I didn’t see the hurry. Besides, I’d lost my sister during childbirth and that had crushed me. That experience also influenced my decision.

A few years into marriage, I began experiencing horrible cramps. Turned out that I had cysts, which I was treated for. But that also marked the beginning of our ‘waiting for a baby journey’, which involved a host of medical processes and drugs. I remember at one point I was put on some strong hormonal medication –which I believe nearly killed me. The reaction was so bad that the drugs had had to be flushed out of my system fast!

But my problems were far from over. I was to later undergo a laparoscopic surgery in 2010 where the doctor removed 12 fibroids and 6 cysts. I remember asking him how so many growths could be on one petite person.

Meanwhile, I was to experience my first taste of stigma when someone told me to stop wasting time (to get a baby). They even proposed that I try out different sex positions for greater chances of success!

Editah Hadassah Trip, founder of Waiting Wombs Trust (Kenya)
Editah Hadassah Trip, founder of Waiting Wombs Trust (Kenya)

Later, one of my friends offered me some herbal medication she said had worked for her after a long waiting period. Unfortunately, I developed adverse reactions to the medication –so bad that I developed fresh cysts, according to my doctor. Reversing the effects of the herbal drugs was such a painful process that I even shudder remembering.

In 2014, I experienced another flare up of pain and ended up in the theater again, this time for an emergency open surgery. I was diagnosed with severe endometriosis. The medication I was put on made me have menopause-like symptoms (hot flushes etc). It wasn’t a very good experience, I admit. Nevertheless, I remained hopeful that after this experience, I became confident that I had recovered and my child –in fact twins, would come any moment. I believe that those twins are still coming.

http://www.dreamstime.com/-image429429

But I must admit that the journey of waiting on a baby has been challenging. I have endured six HSGs (I’m not doing any other again because the last one left me limping). A hysterosalpingogram (HSG) is an x-ray test that looks at the inside of the uterus and fallopian tubes and the area around them. It often is done for women who are having a hard time getting pregnant (infertile). [source]. I have taken crazy medication, horrible herbs and gone through countless uncomfortable procedures. Oh how I hate hospitals!! At some point my husband and I promised ourselves that we would only visit doctors only if we really had to.

Also Read: My Struggle with Infertility: The Story of Joyce Lay -Taita Taveta MP

Buying pregnancy kits is never an easy time for me; knowing that it could be another 200 shillings washed down the drain. Sometimes I’m so sure that the baby has settled in, only for things to turn out otherwise. One time, going by Dr. Google, I knew I was pregnant. I was sure about it…

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Raising a Special Needs Child in Kenya: Looking at My Daughter, I thought: This Isn’t the Motherhood Experience I had Expected

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
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In 2010, Susan Kuria gave birth to her first child –a beautiful baby girl who weighed 2.7kg. It had been a relatively smooth pregnancy and a delivery devoid of any significant challenges. Susan and her husband called their lovely daughter Princess Gathoni. The couple, just like any other, were ecstatic about the additional member in the family and felt very blessed. However, this joy would not last long.

Today, I bring you Susan’s story. Susan will be a regular contributor on Mummy Tales, where she will be sharing her experiences raising her special needs daughter. Her experiences, I believe, will help inform us on some of the issues that parents of special needs children face. They will also help other parents know that they are not alone in their parenting journey. I welcome you to read Susan’s pieces and share the information with parents or friends who you believe would benefit from the same. 

Susan with her husband Patrick.
Susan with her husband Patrick.

“Just three days after Princess Gathoni’s birth, something about her behaviour threw us into panic. She was lethargic, wasn’t breastfeeding or crying. We rushed her to the hospital where she was admitted with a diagnosis of severe jaundice. This wasn’t the best news for us.

Basic procedures including tests, phototherapy and blood transfusion exchange were done on Princess. It was such a stressful moment for me –I was just a first-time mom and this wasn’t the motherhood experience I had anticipated. I was yet to understand what was happening, and why our innocent baby had to go through all that pain. Princess stayed in hospital for two weeks. We thanked God for her healing and looked forward to a bright future.

At six weeks, Princess was booked in for an auditory test as we had been advised. Again, the results were not good. She was diagnosed with bilateral profound hearing loss. Well, I figured it couldn’t be so bad since I had seen some of my friends who were hearing-challenged doing well with sign language and were successful in life. I was ready to face that challenge.

Princess Gathoni at a much younger age.
Princess Gathoni at a much younger age.

Princess continued to grow into a beautiful baby, but with time I noticed she appeared weak or was under-performing in her milestones. At four months she didn’t have a head control and this alarmed us. We decided to see a Neurologist.

What the Neurologist said: “your child has cerebral palsy” is still fresh in my mind, seven years later. I didn’t understand what that was, all I remember was getting an overwhelming feeling of being scared.

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This is Why I Stayed in an Abusive Marriage for 12 Years

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
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Hello friends, I hope your week is coming along good. Owing to the number of women in abusive relationships that I have come to learn about -more so those who don’t quite know what to do about their situation, I decided to run a series of articles based on the experiences of women who have survived abuse from their partners/spouses, in the hope that these women can learn something (before it’s too late). I also acknowledge the fact that there are many women who sadly, didn’t make it out of their abusive relationships alive. I started with the story of Valerie here: Why an Educated, Intelligent Woman Like Me Stayed in an Abusive Marriage followed by Linah’s story on Why I Stayed in an Abusive Relationship for Three Years.

Their stories help answer the questions that we always ask: Why can’t a woman in an abusive relationship just walk out? What is she waiting for? To die? Well, through the stories I share, I hope we will get to better understand the woman and #WhySheStays and at the end of it all, see how we can possibly help -before it’s too late. Today, I bring you the story of a lady who shared her experience with me, but asked to remain anonymous. Read on…

“The first time my husband hit me was in the first year of our come-we-stay union. The year was 2004 and I had just delivered our first born –a son through caesarean section. As he went to the bathroom to take a shower in preparation for work, he asked me to iron his shirt.

I however delayed doing so because my caesarean section wound was still very fresh meaning my movement was challenged. In addition, our newborn son had started crying as soon as my husband got into the bathroom, so I decided to attend to him first. But when my husband stepped out of the shower and found that I still hadn’t ironed his shirt, he became so annoyed and without waiting to hear my explanation, he slapped me so hard across my face until I went dizzy for a few minutes. That was the first time he hit me.

GBV-man-beating-woman

I was 21 years-old, newly ‘married’ and completely confused about what to do next. I wanted to return home to my parents, but cringed at the thought of the shame and embarrassment I would get. I also feared that I would be told I was being too petty, that I didn’t know how to keep my house together. So I decided to stay and work on my marriage.

I fell in love with him because he was such a cool, polite, responsible guy. I liked him even more because he never took alcohol. But the man turned out to be a beast. After that first beating, the violence became a regular affair, where any small disagreement would end up with him insulting and hitting me. He would beat me up over very petty things. In fact, it was so bad that sometimes he would come up to me and say ‘sijakuchapa siku mingi’ (I haven’t hit you in a long time), then go ahead to beat me. Just like that. Whenever I would tell him to stop, he would say “You can as well go back to your parents”.

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But going back to my parents was not that easy. Many times I had told them about my husband’s abuse towards me, but they didn’t take it seriously. You see, my husband had such a calm and charming demeanor about him, it was very difficult to convince anybody that he could even hurt a fly. In addition, my husband provided everything for us –I must admit that we never lacked. They wondered what more I needed, saying I was being ungrateful because there were women in far worse marriages. They would tell me to go back to him and try avoid doing whatever it was that was annoying him. So where then could I run to?

One day in 2010, when our second son was just six months old, he hit me so bad that I decided to leave. What had happened is that I had taken a loan to boost my small printing business. He was never interested in what I did (remember he provided everything for us), so I didn’t see the need to ask him for permission to take a loan. But he didn’t think the same, as I was to discover.

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When the Pregnancy Ultrasound Got the Gender of Gakii’s Baby Wrong

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
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0
Me and my boys. My legacies :)

When I was pregnant, on both occasions, I did ultrasounds that revealed I was carrying boys. And the scans were right. I was indeed carrying boys. In fact, I remember the ultrasounds being so clear, there was no room for doubt. On both occasions, in two flat seconds, the doctor was like “There –can you see? It’s a boy.” There was no that thing of ati ‘are you sure’ ‘let me look closely…’ ebu turn the baby a little bit we get a better view…’ No. They were boys. As simple as that.

So I went ahead and did my baby boy newborn shopping. Actually I didn’t do much baby shopping with my second pregnancy because it was also a boy. He just inherited his big brother’s stuff. Saved me lots of money. Yaaaay!

Also Read: Is There Any Harm in Pregnant Women Eating Stones and Other Non-Food Items?

But I’ve come across moms who tell me that the ultrasounds they did showed they were carrying a boy, only for them to deliver a bouncing baby girl! Or the scan showed that the mom was carrying a girl, only for her to deliver an adorable little boy! I must admit that sometimes I’ve had a good laugh about it with them as they narrate how they’d gone all out and done pre-baby shopping and bought loads of stuff for one gender, only to be surprised like that.

Gakii Muriithi with her sons.
Gakii Muriithi with her sons.

Gakii Muriithi is one such mom. When she did an ultrasound, she was delighted to learn that she was carrying twins. She was even more ecstatic when the scan showed that she was carrying a boy and a girl. How lovely!

Well, she was to get the surprise of her life when at 37 weeks, she delivered two beautiful boys –fraternal twins Loran and Lenny. Yet the ultrasound had revealed she was going to have a boy and a girl!

“I indeed got the shock of my life when I was presented with two boys! I guess ultrasounds are not to be trusted 100 per cent. Having two boys really caught me off guard, but it was such a pleasant surprise!” she laughs.

Gakii's adorable sons Loran and Lenny :)
Gakii’s adorable sons Loran and Lenny 🙂

How about you? Did you do an ultrasound when you were pregnant? Was the ultrasound accurate, or did you get the surprise of your life? Share in the comments section below 🙂

“I Decided Early on in My Marriage that I wasn’t Going to try and be Superwoman” -Lorraine Onyango

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
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 Earlier this year, I’d mentioned that I would be delving more into broader issues surrounding motherhood and womanhood. In that article, I had featured Waturi Wamboye who said that when she was a new in marriage, she tried to live up to the expectations of being a new wife but at some point, she realized she just couldn’t do it all. You can read Waturi’s story here.

Waturi Wamboye
Waturi Wamboye

Relatedly, one of the many issues that troubles many new wives, as I have discovered, is the one of house chores. I’m talking about moments where their husbands expect them to do most –if not all of the house work –cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, ironing clothes… as he simply sits back, waiting to be served.

“Hubby just leaves me to do all the work, never once lifting a finger to help. As a woman, society may expect me to do the house work, but surely, in this day and age, is right for a man to just sit there as I break my back? Like really? Haven’t the men of today been raised better than that? This is not days of our parents, we are in a different generation! Surely, is it so difficult for the man to just help me out?” I have heard new wives ask, with such pain in their voices.

This situation is often the time when there are no children in the union –yet –and there is no resident house girl to assist with the house chores, so the expectations of these tasks often fall on the woman.

I spoke to Lorraine Onyango, who has been married for just over a year now, on how she herself copes with this situation. She told me:

“I decided early on in our marriage that I wasn’t going to try and be superwoman, especially because I have such a demanding job. So I organized for a house help to come a few times a week to clean, wash and sometimes cook. On the days she doesn’t cook, I don’t mind preparing dinner. Sometimes I get her to do the chopping of ingredients beforehand to make my work easier.”

Lorraine and her husband David.
Lorraine and her husband David.

She continues to offer advice to other newlyweds:

It is always best to communicate your needs to your spouse. Sometimes it’s easier to assume your partner doesn’t care yet he probably grew up in a different setting. For example, in our home, my mom taught my brothers to cook when they were young, and so it’s something the can easily help out on. However, you’ll find that in other households, the boys didn’t do anything of the sort, and their mother was happy to take care of all the household chores. So such a man enters the marriage expecting the same of his wife. The fact is that one’s upbringing impacts how they approach issues in marriage, and so it’s best to have this discussion early on about expectations, where the couple can also clearly outline where and how one will need the help of their spouse.

The 'Coffee and Love Chats' book, which contains Waturi and Ernest's marriage experiences.
‘Coffee and Love Chats’, which contains nine couple’s marriage experiences.

The other thing to remember is that maybe a husband can’t help in the kitchen but he is a brilliant problem solver. Or maybe he’s not skilled in the kitchen but is great with the kids. Some husbands love to cook, others don’t. There are many different ways to partner with each other, so the key is to understand and adjust accordingly.”

That is Lorraine’s practical advice –based on her own experiences. By the way Lorraine is an author of the book Coffee and Love Chats, which I wrote about here. So I hope her advice helps, alongside Waturi’s.

If you are in this situation, or you probably know of a woman going through this, then share this information with her, it could help. Also share with that man who you know could benefit from this information.

Read: Lorraine Onyango has Been Married for Just over a Year. So What Does she Know about Marriage, enough to Author a Book about it?

Also Read: Waturi Wamboye: “As a New Wife, a Helping Hand from My Husband Went a Long Way”

Mummy Tales is a blog dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of maternal and newborn health, as well as various issues surrounding motherhood and women. Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan moms here. Follow Mummy Tales on: FACEBOOK l INSTAGRAM l TWITTER 

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