Show your Child the Way
Today, I bring you one of the African proverbs that I love. And the smile of innocence. Isn’t the little boy just so cute? 
”Train a child the way he should go and make sure you also go the same way.” ~African Proverb
Liz Muturi: Of my Miscarriage and Loss of my Daughter to a Rare Disease, and Never Giving up on Motherhood
Liz Muturi Mugendi is mother to her son Mwaniki, born in April 2012. She describes Mwaniki as ‘her absolute pride and joy’. Today, I bring you Liz’s story, a motherhood journey that includes a miscarriage and the loss of her infant daughter.
Maryanne: What do you love most about your son Mwaniki?
Liz: I love everything about my son. Every time I look at him, think about him or just hold him in my arms, my heart dances. If I was to pick some things about him that I love, it would be the way he follows me around the house, or the way he stares up and looks at me, or his beautiful smile. The list is endless.
Maryanne: How has your motherhood journey been?
Liz: Well, it’s been quite a journey. I remember when I found out I was expecting our first child, my partner and I were so excited. I started shopping and telling anyone I met that I was expectant, even before I began showing. However, a few weeks later, I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks. It was a very devastating time for us. I cried and mourned my unborn child for a very long time. We named that baby Angel. After that loss, I knew I wanted to be a mum more than anything else in the world. That was in October 2009.
God was faithful to us because a few months later we found out we were expecting again. This time round I was so cautious about everything I did, careful not to do anything that would cause me to have a miscarriage. I took supplements right from the start, started seeing my gynaecologist and went easy on my workload just to avoid straining myself.
The pregnancy went well, and my dear daughter was born full-term, weighing 3kgs. The best moment of my life was when I held her in my arms. We named her Georgia Wambui, and fondly referred to her as ‘Bobo’. She brought so much joy and warmth into our lives and home. She also helped me deal with the heartache of the miscarriage.
Bobo was generally a healthy baby by any standards. That was until she turned 8 months when she started falling sick, catching colds and coughs. We were admitted in hospital and were informed that she had a low blood count and was dehydrated. Bobo received a blood transfusion and was discharged a week later, after being informed that she was now well.
However, after only being home for a few days, she started going down again and this time round we went to a different hospital because we wanted a second opinion. It is here we learnt that she was suffering from a very rare disease called AutoImmune Haemolytic Anaemia (AIHA), which is a malfunction of the immune system where it produces autoantibodies that attack red blood cells as if they were substances foreign to the body. This was a big name for us and it was a very difficult time for my family and I as we watched our baby go through so much pain.
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Mums with Daughters, How is Your Girl Washed? Learn from my Experience
For many working moms, many delegate some responsibilities to their house girls. A Mummy Tales reader inboxed me with an experience she recently went through, and requested if I could share it with other moms. She said:
“The other day while at chama with the gals, we got talking and I learnt something that has totally opened my eyes to something I wasn’t aware of.
For a while, my 4 year-old daughter had been complaining of pain when urinating. I had taken her to hospital many times, and each time she was tested for a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI), the results always came out negative. So at chama, when one of my pals mentioned the practice of douching, a practice common among some communities in one of the neighboring countries (where I am currently based), I put two and two together and got a ‘light bulb moment’.
(Douching is washing or cleaning the vagina with water or other mixtures of fluids. Women who douche say they do this to keep themselves fresh, get rid of vaginal odour, rinse away menstrual blood, prevent pregnancy after having sex, and also to avoid STI’s. Douching is not recommended by health experts).
I relocated to this neighboring country 3 years ago with my family, and I have had quite a turnover of house girls. Most of these house girls come from a culture where douching is common.
So when I got home after chama, I called my daughter aside and asked her to tell me how the current housegirl washes her. She told me: “she uses her fingers to wash me inside here” (pointing at her vagina). You can only imagine how mad I was and the grief I felt upon hearing that. I was crushed. I could not believe that all this had been happening to my daughter yet I had no idea. How could I not have known? I felt so guilty.
When I asked my daughter why she didn’t tell me earlier on what was happening, she innocently told me that she didn’t know it was wrong.
I felt so terrible! I don’t blame the house girls because I later on discovered that they were brought up washing their vagina’s that way, so for them that’s the only way they know how to clean themselves. It’s part of their culture so they had no malice when ‘cleaning’ my daughter.
Had I known before, I would have instructed them on how to bath my daughter immediately I hired them. Now I know better and will always ensure that I take time to show every new house girl how I want my daughter to be bathed. I will also question them on the douching aspect before I employ them.
The reason I’m sharing my experience is so that other moms with daughters can learn from me, especially those with house helps who are of different communities from their own. Our cultures as Kenyans, as East Africans differ, and it’s best never to assume that what you do/don’t do is what someone else does/doesn’t do. It’s better to ask some of these things while you’re hiring them. I have learnt the hard way.”
That is this mum’s story. Very hard-hitting I must say. I hope it helps another parent out there. -Maryanne.
Read more informative stories about house girls here
Mummy Tales is a platform dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of womanhood and motherhood. Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan moms here. Connect with Mummy Tales on: FACEBOOK l YOU TUBE l INSTAGRAM l TWITTER
The Contents of my Diaper Bag
Diaper bags are a must-have for all moms when going out with their babies. I remember the first time I needed to carry a diaper bag was when taking my son Kitty for his six-week vaccination jabs.
Being a first time mom, I took my handbag as I had done over the years and walked out of the house, baby neatly wrapped in my arms. Not that I had packed and forgotten the diaper bag, no. I had NOT packed anything in the diaper bag because my mind had not yet acclimatized to the fact that I needed a diaper bag because I now had a baby :O.
So anyway, since then, I have forgotten what a handbag is all about when I’m going out with my kids (they are now two). Kitty is now 2 years old while his baby brother Ello is three months old. A diaper bag is my number one fashion accessory nowadays.
So incase you’re a new mom and wondering what goes inside a diaper bag, I can let you in on what’s usually in mine for you to get a rough idea.
Bibs – to absorb Ello’s spit-up, as well as Kitty’s food particles. Don’t want Kitty’s ‘Sunday best’ clothes getting all stained with red-colored juice and tomato sauce that are sometimes hard to clean and the stains long-lasting. Forget all those beautiful happy bright dancing-women soap commercials that promise you heaven. Nope. You’ll discover that some stains just don’t go ‘after one wash’!
Liners –which sometimes also serve as a burp cloths for Ello. A liner has many uses, sometimes I use it as a bib, sometimes as a handkerchief, sometimes I dip it in some warm water to wipe clean Kitty’s mouth after he’s had a meal.
Diapers. And by the way these need to get changed from the diaper bag regularly because there was a time a number of Kitty’s diapers had stayed for long in the bag and it had slipped my mind that he was growing, so when I took them out to use them on him, I realized that they were too small and I needed to have packed the next big size. So that day he operated with diapers a size smaller, my poor boy looked as though he were wearing diaper hotpants !
Wipes – I often prefer to use cotton wool dipped in some warm water to clean the boys’ behinds when they’ve pooped, but sometimes this is not possible especially when out, so wipes come in handy.
Changing mat or a lesso, for when you need to change baby. I noticed that most outdoor places don’t have kids changing zones, so you just have to sort yourself out. And even if there’s a changing table, you wanna place your own lesso down first then lay your baby on it – just for hygiene purposes.
Polythene bags for putting soiled diapers – it’s good to wrap them up then throw them in the bin. Sometimes you’ll be in a place where there’s no bin nearby, so placing them in the custody of a polythene paperbag will do ÿou good until you get to a bin.
Petroleum jelly – for applying on baby after a diaper change, to avoid nappy rash.
Hand sanitizer – for when I change the diaper and there’s no water nearby.
Hand lotion – for after changing baby and washing my hands. Need to keep them hands moisturized and looking good .
Change of clothes for the kids. These are a must. With a 2 year old boy who when outdoors loves rolling on the ground, sitting on soil, playing with leaves and attempting to climb trees etc etc, he’s usually a mess (a good mess though because I’d definitely be worried if he didn’t do these things). And when we’re out of the house but indoors, say visiting our relatives he’s usually on the lookout for taps and once he spots one, he’s the happiest boy ever as he loves playing with water and getting it all over his clothes. His clothes always get stained with all manner of stains – soup, food, juice, tomato sauce… everything so a change or two of clothes for Kitty is always a must. And with Ello, the issue is his burps and spitups, sometimes he unleashes so much of it (that the bib cannot hold) such that it wets his clothes. So even for him it’s a must. Speaking of which, I also need to be packing a change of clothes (mostly tops) because of this spit up. And then the boys always need to have cardigans coz the weather can at times be unpredictable, or when we’re out till evening hours.
Baby blanket – for carrying Ello or covering Kitty on the ride back home if it’s cold.
Shawl – same as above (especially like now in July).
Toys – to keep the boys busy and engaged. Especially Kitty.
Baby’s vaccination booklet – when I’m going to the clinic to take either of the boys for their jabs.
When with Kitty – his food, bottle of milk and water. And the food warmer bag.
My wallet.
My phone – which I never hear ringing by the way because it’s always deep inside the bag, so I always get home to find missed calls and texts. 
Camera – to capture all those lovely moments when I’m out with babies.
Biro and notebook – for a journalist, a story can breakout anytime. Thought with smartphones, tabs and the internet nowadays, I’m beginning to think these two are becoming obsolete.
Those are the basics of what I usually carry. And you, what do you have in yours?
How to Store Chapatis and Keep them Fresh
Many Kenyans I know love chapatis, and are a favorite dish in many households. But do you know how to keep them fresh? Fellow mom Santina Nyaga knows how to make good chapatis and knows how to store them well, such that they remain soft and fresh. Santina, a mother of three says:
“The trick to keeping them in the freezer and having them taste as fresh as when you made them is to wrap them in cling film, then add foil as an extra wrapping. This works perfectly well for me on those days when we are late in preparing dinner, and all I have to do is come up with stew since the chapati’s, when presented to my family, will still be as fresh as when they were made. This is a time saver!“
How about you? How do you keep your chapati’s fresh?
Also Read: How to Cook a Tasty Ndengu Stew
Also Read: How to Cook Omena
See Also: How to Make Banana (Matoke) Fries
If you have a recipe you’d like to share with fellow moms, email me on maryanne@mummytales.com
My Mum’s Favourite Dish was Osuga, Fish and Ugali: Joselyn Mercredi Radak
Mother’s are very special people in our lives, and it’s only prudent that we appreciate them every single moment that we can. For some of us though, our mothers have already left us to be with the Lord, and all we have of them is beautiful memories of days gone by. Joselyn Mercredi Radak who is mother to a young son, lost her mother on 27 June 1997. She shares with us memories of her beloved mom the late Clarice Omundo.
Clarice was mum to 4 wonderful children: 2 boys and 2 girls, as well as an adopted boy from her sister-in-law. Joselyn is the second born in the family.
MT: What things remind you most of your mom?
Joselyn: So many things remind me of mum, but I will mention just a few important ones. Mum loved her family so much that she would go the extra mile to ensure we were all comfortable. She loved being smart, loved cleanliness and would always match her neatly pressed suits together. She loved wearing mini skirts – of course she had nice legs to show off, and she was well built and confident.
My mum’s favourite dish was osuga (managu), fish and ugali. She loved Christian songs, she was outgoing and a go getter. Her favourite colours were pink and navy blue, and she just always stood out with her beauty. She was actually a woman of class. She was a kind , honest, and loving person. She loved her in-laws, brothers and sisters, relatives and friends so much. One thing I remember is our house was a bee hive of activities with visitors as she was always a lovely and welcoming host, never hesitant about inviting them to the sumptuous meals she’d prepare. Her in-laws called her “Mama Otieno” (our first born), her hubby (my dad) called her “Honey” and to us she was a loving mummy.
She went to be with the Lord on the morning of 27th June 1997, at 1.30 am. I was just 20 years when she passed on. I barely saw death in our family. She was a pillar of our strength and I’m glad that we got to spend the last days with her.
The fondest memory I have of us together is when she came to visit in school just before I sat for my KCSE. She never missed visiting days and everybody in my school knew her.
I inherited so much from her – I have her body structure and smile. Whenever my aunties see me or my sister, they just smile because we resemble our mum so much. Her legacy lives on.
My mother’s absence has influenced me as I am raising my son in a Christian way and I also know the importance of family values. The first time I held my son Cedric in my arms I realized how much I needed a mother figure in my life, to guide me though child birth and care, but I thank the almighty God for a loving family who showed me the way.
We traditionally celebrate our mothers’ memory by getting together with family, having prayers together and dining together. Today, we will do it differently by having every family member light a candle in her honour since we are in different counties.
You may not believe this, but her passport photo has remained in my purse all those years since she left us. That is how dear she is to me. Nobody can replace your parents, it’s a great privilege, I urge you to love them unconditionally. I will always love you mom. – Joselyn.
Will My Feet Go Back to Their Normal Size?
Hello’s, it’s been quite the minute since I posted something … but I’m now back. Ohh how I have missed blogging! I am very delighted to be back . Anyways hope you’ve been keeping well.
Now, baby Ello is now 2 and a half months old, and I’ll soon be getting up and about, meaning I’ll be leaving both the house and him during the day. And ofcourse Kitty . Aside from that, I have noticed that there is a slight problem – with me, not with baby/ies.
I tried fitting into my shoes the other day and I was taken aback. Them shoes have shrunk! Either that or it’s my feet that have expanded and elongated themselves.
This is surprising because I didn’t experience this after I got Kitty. When I was pregnant with him, my feet swelled right from month one (not heavy swelling, just small small swelling but swelling all the same). After I delivered him, they remained swollen for about a week before returning to their normal size.
With Ello, my feet never swelled – not even once throughout the pregnancy. But then after I delivered – they swelled so much, like worryingly much for about three weeks. I was shocked by this, and actually more panicked than shocked and I kept checking my blood pressure fearing perhaps it was preeclampsia (which can also happen up to six weeks after giving birth). My blood pressure thankfully was always ok, and my doctor’s assurance kept me calm.
So after the three weeks, they gradually went back to normal size. Okay I thought they were normal size until I tried out my ‘going out of the house’ shoes yesterday. The shoes just don’t fit! Either my heel is protruding from the back, or my toes are protruding from the front. I’m not one of those ladies you’ll see walking around town with either of those looks. I hate that. But why are my feet still a size bigger almost three months after pregnancy? And most importantly, will they go back to their normal size? Heee, they better because does this mean that I have to invest in new pairs of shoes all over again? That budget will come from where now and the way the price of milk has gone up? Asiiii!
Any other mom experienced this?
Mums In Business: Emily Ogolla of Little Wonders Baby Shop
Emily Ogolla, 41, is the owner of Little Wonders baby shop. She is mother to three boys aged 13, 15 and 18. I had a chat with her about her entrepreneurial journey.
MT: Tell us about your business
EO: I sell children’s clothing and accessories. My products are fashionable, trendy and unique –I try my level best not to stock what everyone else is selling. I source them from Turkey, Thailand, China and Dubai. I travel every 6-8 weeks to buy new stock.
MT: When did you start this business?
EO: I opened this Little Wonders store last year in June. But before that, I was still in the children’s clothing business. I supply children’s clothing at three Uchumi stores, and I also have a baby shop at Langata Shopping Center called Emmy Collections.
MT: Have you always been self-employed?
EO: Not always. After I finished my undergraduate degree, I was employed as a teacher. I taught English and Literature at a secondary school. I then went on to do my Post-Graduate Diploma, afterwhich I was promoted to the position of Inspector of Schools. But one year later, I quit as I did not find what I was doing challenging enough.
I then got employed by Safaricom as a Customer Care rep. I worked there for 10 years, rising through the ranks to become a Call Center Manager. All the while, I was doing the children’s clothes business as a side hustle.
MT: How did you arrive at your decision to leave formal employment for full time business?
EO: I must admit that it was always a very delicate act balancing between my job and my business. While things were quite lax working as a teacher in the government, the same could not be said for Safaricom, as the job was very demanding. I had to plan and organize myself to ensure both my job and my business did not suffer. But eventually, a time came when I had to make a decision as balancing both was not easy.
I started thinking about my exit strategy slowly, as I started focusing on my business. One time, I decided to take time away from the office and spend time at my business. In that week where I was at the business from morning till 9pm, the business brought in about 1 million shillings –up from the approx Ksh 500,000 it previously used to bring in. I knew that I had to go into it full time to maximize on the profits from the business. And that is when I tendered my resignation to go into business full time. At that time, I had not opened the Little Wonders shop – it was just Emmy Collections and the supplies at the Uchumi stores.
MT: What is the greatest challenge faced so far in your business?
EO: When I decided to open this shop (Little Wonders), the capital was a great challenge. When I got the space, it was just a bare empty room as the mall was new. I had to build the shop from scratch –fixing the walls, painting them, doing the partitions, working on the ceiling, the floors… everything. This cost me an arm and a leg!! I got a good send off pay from Safaricom –which I had thought would be more than enough to set up the shop, but I was in for a rude shock for the money ran out before I had even completed ‘making’ the shop. I had not even bought the stock yet! I could not believe it and actually had to put everything on hold for a few months as I pondered my next move.
After a while, I decided to borrow money from my other businesses. Eventually, I got it up and running in June 2012.
MT: Any other challenges?
EO: Aside from the capital? Well, financial management –keeping proper records and being strict about not taking money out of the business for personal use. Another challenge is stock control –nowadays I ensure that I have no dead stock. I learnt that sometimes you can buy things that you think will sell like hotcake, only for the market to dictate otherwise when no one buys the product. So I have learnt to study the market and only buy stuff which I know will sell. I get to learn new things everyday about running a business.
MT: What are the good parts about running your own business?
EO: I get happy when I receive positive feedback from my clients about the stuff they bought from me. I am also happy that the business is growing.
MT: You are a mother of three boys. How has your motherhood journey been?
EO: I am grateful to God for motherhood despite the challenges it sometimes brings along. My eldest son has Sickle Cell Anaemia, and having a child with a long term ailment is one of the toughest things for any mother. He and I have been in and out of hospitals countless times since he was a little child –for both in and outpatient visits/stays. It was especially difficult when I was employed, because there are days when I would go to work during the day, then go to hospital and spend the night with him there when he was admitted, then have to be at work punctually the following day.
Other days I would work, then travel during my off days to go get stock. Many are the times when I would go straight from the office to the airport without even stopping by home, and other days I would land then go straight to the office. It was very taxing, and at some point I must confess that I lost my children. It was crazy I tell you – working in the corporate world and running a business at the same time. But I thank God for my mom who stood in for me during these times. I also had good housegirls who helped take care of the boys. Right now is when I am rebonding with my children as I have enough time for them.
MT: Your advice to fellow moms who want to start a business?
EO: Don’t do something because someone else is succeeding at it. The returns might not be the same for you. Instead, do something you know you’re good at, do something that your heart is telling you to do. Be creative and original and don’t copy other people.
Also know that in business, there are times that the going will be tough. But you have to remain focused and don’t give up. -END
You may also like to see Irene’s story below:
Mummy Tales is a platform dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of womanhood and motherhood. Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan moms here. Connect with Mummy Tales on: FACEBOOK l YOU TUBE l INSTAGRAM l TWITTER
Preeclampsia in Kenya: Doryce Olough’s Story of Losing her Baby to Pre-eclampsia
Pre-eclampsia is a condition that affects pregnant women. Pre-eclampsia is the elevation of blood pressure during pregnancy and which, if untreated, can lead to death of both mother and baby. A young Kenyan mom – Doryce Olough experienced this condition during her first pregnancy and shares her story below:
“I had my first pregnancy in 2009. During the last month my face and fingers kept really swelling (my feet had already swelled early in the pregnancy). One day, I went to bed as usual but noticed that my angel wasn’t kicking as she usually did at that time of the night. I didn’t think much of it because earlier on during the day she was very active and kicking all over.
See Also: Warning Signs in Pregnancy: When to Call Your Doctor
But a few hours later, at around 2-3 am, I woke up in pain and was rushed to hospital. It was 2 weeks to my due date so I believed my angel was arriving. I even carried my hospital bag. But at the hospital, I was shocked when the nurses told me they couldn’t find my baby’s heartbeat. They then recommended a scan which would be done later on in the morning at around 10 am (I wish the hospital had the scanning facility 24/7).
After doing the scan in the morning, the doctor didn’t say anything but just handed me the results. Funny enough I didn’t look at the results because I could still feel my baby’s kicks – though not powerful.
I went into labor and when the time came, I delivered my beautiful daughter Emma, but sadly, she was already dead. All along, till the very end, I had remained hopeful that all would be well. As though it could not get any worse, I had also lost alot of blood in the process and had to be transfused with 6 pints of blood – which family and friends donated. Talk about labouring in vain! Regardless, I thank God for life.
See Also: Claris Ojwang: Her Husband George Speaks Out Two Years after her Death
God blessed me again with a second pregnancy and this time round, I was very alert and did my research thoroughly which made me realize that it was pre-eclampsia which cost me my daughter. Google became my best friend. I ate well and focused on foods that gave me blood. I also listened keenly to my body and with the slightest swelling I would rush to the hospital.
Even during this pregnancy, my blood pressure (BP) was high that I had to be put on medication. Headaches were the order of the day and was twice put on bed-rest since my BP and the headaches didn’t go down. At 36 weeks, the headaches became unbearable so I was admitted and scheduled for a caesarean section.
My lovely baby boy, my prince Ezra Kibet, was delivered well at 2.3kgs. He was placed in the incubator for a day. Today, he is a beaming and healthy 2.8 year old, and he is proof that God restores what you have lost.
My advice to all women is eat well, be alert, avoid stress… and Do NOT take any chance(s) while pregnant. Always be on toes. I feel relieved sharing this story and do so with the hope that my story can save a mother and a baby.“
See Also: Why do Some Pregnant Women get Varicose Veins?
Mummy Tales is a platform dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of womanhood and motherhood. Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan moms here. Connect with Mummy Tales on: FACEBOOK l YOU TUBE l INSTAGRAM l TWITTER
Can I Mix Fresh Breastmilk with Already Frozen One?
For many moms who are ardent on exclusively breastfeeding their tots, pumping breastmilk is the order of the day. And with this comes many questions about breastmilk – how should it be stored, how should it be thawed, warmed, for how long can it last before going bad… and many many more.
I got one question from a new mom about mixing old and new breastmilk, and I consequently sought the expertise of lactation expert Josie M. Karoki of HunySuckle. Read on.
Q: If I express more milk than I expected, can I add it to the frozen milk for last week?
Josie: Adding breastmilk that has just been expressed to frozen breastmilk is not advisable because it will cause the frozen milk to thaw slightly. As with any frozen consumable product, once it has thawed or defrosted -even slightly, it should not be re-frozen due to the high risk of contamination.
Therefore some lactation experts advise a mother who wants to add freshly expressed breastmilk to a previous frozen stash to first put the fresh milk in the fridge for 30 mins-1 hour before adding it to the frozen milk in order to avoid thawing the latter stash of milk. If one does add today’s expressed breastmilk to last week’s stash, the “expiry/best before date” of the frozen breastmilk remains that of the original stash.
A more acceptable way though is to keep freshly expressed milk in the fridge for a day before freezing it. This way, in case a mum has some extra milk left from a pumping or breastfeeding session, she can add it to the refrigerated stash without worry.
Josie M. Karoki is a certified lactation manager/breastfeeding counselor.
top image courtesy: let’s talk breastfeeding, Kenya.
