Yesterday, I shared my thoughts about pastors who make some questionable remarkds during the weddings they officiate (read that article here) and today, I carry on in the same conversation of marriage.
10 years ago, George Ikua married the beautiful Janet Kanini Ikua who passed away last year from cancer. Today, George has shared some nuggets of wisdom about marriage, which I’d like to re-share here. His message is below.
Very deep! We do indeed continue to honor the memory of Janet, who inspired so many people with her resilience. You may also like to read stories about marriage that I’ve previously written about in the links below:
Waturi Wamboye with her husband Ernest and their child.
I hope all of these stories inspire you, and encourage you to keep believing in the institution of marriage.
Mummy Talesis an organization dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of womanhood and motherhood. Mummy Tales is the top Women & Girl Empowerment blog in Kenya (BAKE 2017 awards) and 2016 top Women & Girl Empowerment blog (African Blogger Awards). Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan momshere.
Last weekend, I attended a wedding. A very lovely wedding it was. So, after announcing the couple man and wife, saying that they were now ‘one’, the pastor then said:
“We need to see the proof of this oneness by seeing the fruits –children. We’ve started counting down the months already. There is no other way this oneness can be proven other than by children.”
Today, I want to talk about pastors and all those other ministers who officiate at weddings.
To be honest, I never knew how powerful the statement of that pastor was until I began expanding the scope of this blog to talk about not only my own motherhood experiences, but the experiences of other women as well.
Over the years, I have come to interact with women who have been unsuccessfully trying to conceive for years, women who have had multiple miscarriages, women for whom a successful pregnancy and birth outcome seems like an elusive dream.
Some of these women are bold enough to talk about their experiences by opening up to close family and friends, while some don’t mind sharing their stories publicly. But many others choose to deal with it privately –sometimes going through miscarriages silently, secretly, without even without the knowledge of their partners.
What I’m saying is that women deal with a lot of issues in life. And one of those issues is the grand expectation of motherhood. We live in a society that pegs a woman’s value solely on her fertility. How many children she can birth. And in some communities, the gender of those children. And that’s a fact.
So, it’s hard enough when in-laws, neighbors, friends, colleagues and other people place this great expectation on her, but I believe it’s far much worse when this comes from the church. In fact, I’m slowly coming to wrap my head around the fact that perhaps the greatest stigma actually comes from the church, in the church. And when does it start? On the wedding day when the pastor announces that he is already counting down the months to when he will behold ‘the fruit of the womb’.
Church, stop it!
Maybe the couple doesn’t want to have kids immediately. Maybe they want to enjoy their lives together for some years before expanding their family. Perhaps they want to strengthen their relationship first before the babies come.
You know also, conception and carrying a pregnancy to term is nothing but a miracle of God. As you grow older, as you interact with more women, you soon come to learn that getting pregnant is not as easy as previously imagined. And neither is carrying a baby to term. Maybe by the time that couple is exchanging vows, they’ve already been dealing with infertility issues and there you are adding on to the pressure they’re already experiencing.
And by the way, society treats lack of children in a marriage as a woman’s problem. It’s never the man who is judged. It’s always the woman’s fault; she’s the one to be blamed. And that’s a fact.
I chanced across this interview of Kambua, where she addresses this issue. See video.
And those are my thoughts today. Feel free to share your views on this issue as well in the comments section below.
Meanwhile, you can read the infertility stories of women I’ve written about here.
Motherhood is always assumed to be an easy and straightforward journey, but what most mothers soon realize is that nothing is ever that straight forward. This proved so true for Franciscah Nzanga, a mother of one who works as a certified Micro-Insurance expert, shares her story with us today. Enjoy the read!
Seven months into her pregnancy, Franciscah woke up one night to use the bathroom, only to find herself spotting. Having read that spotting is common during pregnancy, she wasn’t as alarmed, but decided to pass by the hospital nevertheless –just to be on the safe side. She woke her husband up and off they went to the nearest hospital for what she expected would be a quick check.
The doctor however, informed her that her cervix had shortened and she was at risk of pre-term labour. Given how advanced the pregnancy was, a cervical stitch was not an option and she would have to be admitted for observation for a week as they tried to minimize the chances of pre-term birth.
While admitted, the nurses conducted routine visits to check on the baby’s heartbeat as well as her blood pressure. All was well until the next day when the nurse was unable to trace a heartbeat. Franciscah carries on with her story.
Franciscah during a Mama Mzazi & Me engagement
“The next few moments in my head seemed to move in slow motion. One nurse called another -who in turn called another as they frantically tried to find a heartbeat. I was then put on a drip as they set up the oxygen machine. One nurse told me that I would be taken for an ultrasound as it can effectively identify a heartbeat.
You see, having felt the kicks and the jabs, having pictured how my baby would look like, and how I would dress her up in the prettiest outfits, and how we’d be the best of friends, how they’d be snappy as a teenager and graduate top of their class –being told that all that might not happen to me was unimaginable.
Distraught, I turned and faced the wall while on my bed and with tears streaming down my face, I told my baby that she needed to be strong too. I told her that I would do what I could, but I needed her to fight for herself; to fight for us.
Let me take you back a little bit.
You see, I had a miscarriage two years earlier and at that point, I was terribly scared of losing another baby. A candid conversation with my unborn baby was all I could do.
So back to the story -an ultrasound was later done and thankfully, her heartbeat was identified. After being discharged from hospital, I was put on bedrest until I delivered in November 2014. She was a healthy bouncing baby girl, Adia, a dark-chocolate skinned beauty with her father’s resemblance.
After Adia’s birth is when it actually dawned on me that motherhood isn’t as straightforward as most people think it is.
I was a working mom who had held myself to a certain standard in the office, and after resuming work from maternity leave, I quickly realised that those standards were still expected of me.
Yet, things had changed for me –I was a new mom and often I would find myself exhausted, sleep deprived, struggling to express enough milk while still meeting tight work deadlines.
I would carry work home, with my typical evening being a mix of me breastfeeding, expressing breast milk, then trying to catch up on my pending work. But many times, even before I could finish my work, the baby would wake up and I would find myself catching only three hours of sleep a night!
I then realized that the more work I carried home, the fewer hours of sleep I got, the slower I became the next day, the less milk I expressed and the more work I had to carry home. It was an endless, draining cycle!
Exhausted, tired and on the brink of depression, I realized that things had to change. I began giving realistic timelines in the office, and also asking my husband to help out more where possible.
As my baby grew, so did the list of challenges I faced with each new step, and I found herself researching more and making more doctor visits just to confirm that I was doing this whole motherhood thing right.
Most people assume that mothers are born with a secret handbook on how to take care of a baby and that is not the case as my experience had shown. I would never want a mother to find herself in the emotional and mental state I was in and it is for this reason that I started Mama Mzazi Mommy & Me.
Initially, Mama Mzazi Mommy & Me was a platform to share the childcare information that mothers so desperately need, but this has since grown to offer so much more to parents with our end goal being the promotion of happy parenting.”
To find out more about what Mama Mzazi Mommy & Me does and how you as a parent can benefit, you can visit our website here www.mamamzazi.com
So yeah, that’s Franciscah’s story. Thanks for reading. This work-life-motherhood balance is something I’m sure we all can relate to. How do you achieve that -if at all you do? Share tips with us 🙂
I do really enjoy writing about moms who have started helpful initiatives based on their own personal experiences. If you’d like to share your story, email me at maryanne@mummytales.com Some of the moms I’ve featured previously include (click on their names to see their stories):
Mummy Talesis an organization dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of womanhood and motherhood. Mummy Tales is the top Women & Girl Empowerment blog in Kenya (BAKE 2017 awards) and 2016 top Women & Girl Empowerment blog (African Blogger Awards). Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan momshere.
Caroline Nkirote-Bongo is a wife and mother of six lovely girls. She is also an Agronomist and Food Safety consultant. She is also a published author and during her free time, she likes to blog on agriculture and her personal life, especially on issues around Christianity, marriage and parenting.
Caroline is also a recording artist and terms music as her first love. She and her family are currently based in Rwanda. On Mummy Tales today, Caroline shares a few of her motherhood experiences, as told to Sylvia Wakhisi.
“My husband George Bongo and I have been blessed with six beautiful girls; Kaylene 16, Melody 13, Nadia 7, Damitta 5, Lakeisha 3 and baby Lyra, who is just 4 months old.
To be honest, every time we realized we were going to have a baby we (including the kids) kept hoping it would be a boy. Not because a boy is special than a girl -to imply that would mean counting myself inferior-but just for different reasons. But each time, when God gave us a girl, we concluded that He had a purpose for us with girls.
I have had people advice me to stop having (more) children. In their minds they think we keep on having more children because we are trying for a boy, but that is not the case. The truth is that the only children I planned to have were my first and third born. The rest were gifts from heaven. We did try to plan but God had the last say. And I love what He planned for us.
Caroline, balancing work and motherhood -literally 🙂
With my first and second child, I preferred not to know the baby’s gender. A surprise would work out just fine. But from my third pregnancy, I wasn’t too sure whether I wanted it as a surprise or not. Naturally, when you have more than one of the same type of sex you usually want the other one. Nevertheless, immediately I got pregnant, especially with my last two daughters, I didn’t want surprises hence I asked God to show me what I was carrying. Knowing their gender helped me to be both psychologically and materially prepared.
I have never had an easy pregnancy. During my first trimester, I am always nauseated and life turns from natural rainbow colour of the sanguine to a dark grey. I am quite irritable and always tired.
I know this sounds crazy but delivery is always fun! The only challenge is that I am always so afraid of labour. Naturally I fear pain. But surprisingly I have been able to deliver all my children via natural birth.
Caroline’s daughter. Too too cute!
My husband is always with me right from labour to birth, and he has been there to see all his kids come to the world. On the 23rd June 2014, nurses and midwives at the hospital were wowed at his strength as he helped me deliver our fifth born Lakeisha who came in a record 8 minutes!
Hi, hope your week is coming along well. So yesterday I promised you an article by Patricia Cidi Malika, a young wife who has been married for two years. You can read a little bit about her here. Today, Patricia shares her experience about how the entry of a baby into their marriage changed things a little bit.
This is her story:
“It had been two months since we last had a moment to ourselves. My husband had been so busy setting up his accounting firm and settling our debts. Me, I was engrossed in managing our baby, home and my business. We were both so busy trying to make ends meet, no one seemed to notice the other. We said the usual “I love you”, but truth be told, our active love had taken a back seat. Something had to be done.
Patricia with her husband.
I had to spark things up with my husband. I wasn’t going to settle for normal. One day, I asked the nanny to stay with our baby for an extra two hours so that hubby and I could go out. I made arrangements at a local restaurant and pre-ordered our favorite food to save on time. Convinced that the baby was fine and would be okay, hubby agreed to the dinner plan.
Actually, he too was happy to have this alone time with me. It had been a while since we went out. He wasn’t vocal with his praises but I knew I had hit a home run. It was a nice dinner. Food was served immediately we got there.
We talked about us, our baby, our faith, our dreams and goals and those sweet little things married folks like to talk about. His laughter reminded me of just how blessed I am to be his wife and mum to his little angel.
With a few years in marriage, I have realized that love and romance just doesn’t happen, especially in this busy life. We have to be intentional about it. We have to set priorities and practice active love. I know for sure that when children come, love tends to take a back seat, but it shouldn’t stay that way for too long.
To reignite the intimacy and love, you can try some of these ideas I got from a book by Lysa Terkeurst: The Bathtub is Overflowing but I feel Drained:
Pray together – this is the key to keeping a family together.
Go out on a date night once in a while.
Write each other love notes.
Decide on a dream vacation and start saving for it.
Organize for a family photo shoot – the play and fun will take the stress away.
These little, yet powerful actions can help rekindle your love life. I personally believe that an active love life between you and your spouse is also beneficial to your children. Not only will they learn what true love looks like, but they will also benefit from your emotional balance and confidence.
All the best to us ladies as we thrive in this lifelong journey of learning to love like Christ – for that’s what marriage really is.” -END
And that’s Patricia’s story. Be on the lookout for more stories from her here on Mummy Tales. By the way do you have other tips that you believe would help other married women? You may share them in the comments section below. Meanwhile, you may also like to read Lorraine Onyango’s story here: “I Decided Early on in my Marriage that I Wasn’t Going to Try and be Superwoman”
Lorraine with her husband David
Mummy Talesis an organization dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of womanhood and motherhood. Mummy Tales is the top Women & Girl Empowerment blog in Kenya (BAKE 2017 awards) and 2016 top Women & Girl Empowerment blog (African Blogger Awards). Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan momshere.
Hi guys, hope you good. So today I feature a young mom –Patricia Cidi Malika. If you’re a follower of my blog you know that I love telling other mom’s stories, so that we can learn from each other’s experiences. And Patricia has some experiences that we can pick a thing or two from.
Today, I want you to get to know her just a little bit because tomorrow, I’ll feature her story about rekindling love in a marriage after the babies have come. Her article is based on her own experience of what happened in her marriage after they got their baby.
By the way if you have a motherhood experience that you’d like to share with other women, write to me at maryanne@mummytales.com and I’ll get back to you.
So here’s a little about Patricia:
“I am a 25 year old wife and mum from the Coastal region (Giryama) I’m married to a wonderful man from Western Kenya. We are both born-again Christians who love the Lord and His people.
I am a mother to one little princess, Darlene, who is 11 months old. She makes every day beautiful for me. Princess was born premature as a result of premature rupturing of the uterine membrane (pPROM). I bled excessively after birth, went into shock and passed out. But all is well. She is a healthy, beautiful and super active baby today. She is God’s great blessing, gift and reward to us.
Patricia with her husband.
My personal belief in life is that every woman is a jewel and should be treated as such. I advocate for women (me included) to be wise builders of our homes – loving our spouses and children, taking care of our homes and contributing to the financial growth of our families.
I have a background in International Business Administration from USIU. After my maternity leave I opted to start an events planning business and work from home. It is a rewarding career especially if one puts in the work and determination required.”-END
Catch up with her story titled: “How I Reignited the Passion in our Marriage” here on Mummy Tales tomorrow.
Meanwhile, do subscribeto my You Tube channel here, I’ll be posting a new video soon and you’ll definitely want to catch that 🙂
Mummy Talesis an organization dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of womanhood and motherhood. Mummy Tales is the top Women & Girl Empowerment blog in Kenya (BAKE 2017 awards) and 2016 top Women & Girl Empowerment blog (African Blogger Awards). Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan momshere.
26-year-old Elizabeth Nyambura has a great story to share with us today. Her son was born with a cleft lip or cleft palate and had to undergo surgery in his infancy, and while waiting for that to happen, she and her husband got wind of an opportunity where they could have the surgery done -and for free! Read her story below and remember if you too have a story that could encourage another mom, you can email it to me at maryanne@mummytales.com
This is Elizabeth’s story.
“I got married in March 2016 in a wonderful wedding. We decided to start a family immediately. Five months into our marriage, I conceived our first child. The joy that filled my heart and my home was awesome! My husband was also thrilled with the news of my pregnancy.
Sadly though, the joy was not to last long.
I remember it was a day in October when I started bleeding. At the hospital, the doctor said that it could be a miscarriage, and indeed it was -that’s how we lost our first baby. It broke our hearts but we took comfort in the words of Isaiah 54:1.
I conceived again soon after.
Throughout the pregnancy, everything was fine and I didn’t experience any complications. I did everything the doctor told me to do. I also continued with my regular activities, including serving in church, leading service as well as preaching –all of which I did till the end of my pregnancy.
I delivered my son through caesarean section, but I was in for a surprise. When I held my newborn in my arms, I noticed that he had a cleft palate/lip. I wondered whether to panic, cry, worry, or smile.
I chose to smile. Especially after the nurse told me that it was something that could be corrected. I had delivered at a hospital in Utawala (Nairobi), but with my son’s cleft lip, we were transferred to Kenyatta National Hospital (KNH) for observation and further management. He was placed in the Newborn Unit. In fact, my son had to be taught how to breastfeed because he just wasn’t able to latch onto the breast well because of the lip deformity.
We were referred to Kijabe Hospital for the surgery. Meanwhile, the best thing I could do for my son was having genuine strength and more love for him, even as we raised funds. Even though people stared and asked questions about the cleft palate, it never really bothered me much because I knew God had my back and He knew why my son was born that way.
As we were waiting, my boss one day sent me a poster about a medical camp at Kangundo Level V Hospital where our son’s surgery could possibly be done. We wasted no time and headed there. Well, I’m happy to say that he successfully underwent the surgery -and it was free of charge! What a blessing! He was just four months old then.
Today, just a few months after the surgery, my son is a testimony to many. When I see him, my faith in God is renewed. Wherever I go, I encourage people to believe that there’s nothing that God cannot do, since he is a God of all possibilities. The secret is trusting in Him, being patient and learning to give praise and thanks in all circumstances.
Our son is enjoying good health now. When I’m away at work or ministry, my husband takes care of our son, and I’m very grateful for his support, understanding and encouragement. He is a rare gem! I hope my story encourages someone.” –END.
And that’s Elizabeth’s story. I hope it has blessed you. If you also have a story that you’d like to share, email me at maryanne@mummytales.com because motherhood is all about learning together.
Meanwhile, do subscribe to my You Tube channel here, I’ll be posting a new video soon and you’ll definitely want to catch that 🙂
Mummy Talesis an organization dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of womanhood and motherhood. Mummy Tales is the top Women & Girl Empowerment blog in Kenya (BAKE 2017 awards) and 2016 top Women & Girl Empowerment blog (African Blogger Awards). Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan momshere.
So, today’s working mom have it all? A thriving career, kids and a happy home, or does she have to pick one or two over the other? That work-life-parenting balance, with competing demands for time, energy and even money? At Mummy Tales I welcome thoughts on different perspectives about life, motherhood and the experiences that we go through as we raise our families.
Today, we hear again from Yunita who had an interesting thought experience when she traveled abroad recently. Read her thoughts in this article that she wrote and wanted to share with us. Also feel free to share your comments on the same issue.
“Indira Nooyi, PepsiCo CEO, wife and mother of two famously said that working wives and mothers “could never have it all”. And I agree. Her thesis was that there was no way she could have been the wife, mother and CEO she wanted to be –all at the same time. Many times, she had to choose, she said. Often, she had to be the CEO who had to be away from her beloved family for long stretches of time. Couldn’t have it all.
My context is thankfully much easier than hers and my outlook might point elsewhere, but the common denominator is: You just can’t have it all!
I was recently attending a work-related seminar abroad and I was the only woman, wife and mother in attendance. Many times the trainer would say “Boys, you’ve got to get this done! 😮 “
One day at breakfast, we were talking about a popular film – Game of Thrones – which of course is (or was) big globally and it turns out, I hadn’t watched. All the boys had and were surprised to hear that there was someone in this world hadn’t watched it.
A young woman in the office takes notes at her desk.
This had never bothered me before – I’m generally not a film or TV person as I prefer reading or writing. Sometimes, when I actually want to watch a movie, I may not have the time or energy to do so. Additionally, even when I indeed get to watch, I’m very choosy as to what goes through my eyes be it for faith reasons or because of my taste.
Back to the seminar. It didn’t help matters that I was also the only participant from sub-Sahara Africa. I sensed that my not having watched the film might be misunderstood as the common stereotype of the “uninformed African”, not up to date with what’s happening in the world so defense mode kicked in me. I needed to protect the image of my continent.
So I raised my arms in surrender and said ” Fine, fine boys, I’m going to watch the film. I’ll look for it and watch it.” And in typical guy fashion, they moved on to another topic as I was left mulling over the discussion we’d just had.
Then it immediately hit me: These are young single men, of course they have time to watch all the series and movies they want! Probably after work or on weekends. How about me?
After an 8-hour work day, I arrive home at around 7:30pm, just in time to hang out with my daughter if I’m lucky. Then it’s her time to go to bed (8 or 8:30pm). Soon after, hubby comes home 🙂 and before I know it, it’s 11pm. By this time the only thing I can do is sleep so that I’m able to wake up early the next day for work.
What of weekends, you ask? Well, Saturday being the only day I can spend with my daughter, I can’t rob it from her by entertaining myself. Sunday’s church day, then family time.
So when, I pray tell, do you expect me to do movies or any other activity in the kind of context that I’m talking about (doesn’t necessarily have to be a movie). Well, I’ve come to the conclusion that I, personally can’t have it all. And most gladly so. But I hope that my family will be part of the “all” that I’ll always have. Because to me, that’s all that matters.
So, sorry boys, I change my mind. I ain’t gonna watch no film!!”
And that’s Yunita’s experience. Do you think working moms can have it all, or do you think they have to choose one over the other?
Mummy Talesis an organization dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of womanhood and motherhood. Mummy Tales is the top Women & Girl Empowerment blog in Kenya (BAKE 2017 awards) and 2016 top Women & Girl Empowerment blog (African Blogger Awards). Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan momshere.
Hi guys, so I usually attend different events that touch on raising children, because not only do I want to keep myself informed, but also because I often get many questions from you my readers about different facets of parenting and whose answers I may not always necessarily know, so I go for these events to learn, then come back and share the information with you 🙂
So that’s the case with the training I attended that was particularly tailored for nannies and caregivers who are raising children with special needs. Here’s the first part I did of that. By the way even though you may not be raising a special needs child in your home, the information is nevertheless very helpful to you because you may have a family member, relative, neighbor, colleague or friend who is, and so your knowledge could really help them too because ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ 🙂
This video is a continuation of this one that I did before, and it talks about teaching a special needs child how to dress up and tie their laces. Quite insightful!
Share the link with your networks -you just may never know who is looking for this kind of information.
Otherwise be blessed and I wish you a great weekend. Do hit subscribe when you’re on the Mummy Tales you tube channel by the way, to be getting notifications whenever I put up a new post 🙂
Mummy Talesis an organization dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of womanhood and motherhood. Mummy Tales is the top Women & Girl Empowerment blog in Kenya (BAKE 2017 awards) and 2016 top Women & Girl Empowerment blog (African Blogger Awards). Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan momshere.
Hi guys, hope you good. So, have you ever seen a child banging their head against the wall, and you wondered why 😮 or seen them engaging in other self-injurious behaviour that left you dismayed? Or, wondered why autistic children are told to avoid sugar and gluten-laced products?
Well, in the video above, I share information about managing behaviour in special needs children, which will help us be informed; whether you are raising a special needs child or not. Because truth is, we have friends, relatives, colleagues and even neighbors who are raising a child with disability, and it doesn’t hurt to also be knowledgeable about issues surrounding special needs children.
So watch this video and share it with your networks, and let’s all learn together as we navigate this parenting journey. Also remember to hit the subscribe button when you’re on the You Tube channel so that you can be getting notified whenever I put up a new video 🙂
Mummy Talesis an organization dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of womanhood and motherhood. Mummy Tales is the top Women & Girl Empowerment blog in Kenya (BAKE 2017 awards) and 2016 top Women & Girl Empowerment blog (African Blogger Awards). Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan momshere.
Exhausted, tired and on the brink of depression, I realized that things had to change. I began giving realistic timelines in the office, and also asking my husband to help out more where possible.
With a few years in marriage, I have realized that love and romance just doesn’t happen, especially in this busy life. We have to be intentional about it. We have to set priorities and practice active love. I know for sure that when children come, love tends to take a back seat, but it shouldn’t stay that way for too long.
These little, yet powerful actions can help rekindle your love life. I personally believe that an active love life between you and your spouse is also beneficial to your children. Not only will they learn what true love looks like, but they will also benefit from your emotional balance and confidence.
