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The Questions you Need to Ask When Interviewing a Nanny or House Girl

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Hi friends, hope you’re well. Today we’re talking about house helps. From my own experience and those of other moms, there are some very important questions that you must ask during the interview with the prospective house girl or nanny.

I talk about that in the video below; take a pen and a paper and jot some of the questions you need to ask -you never know when they’ll come in handy. I hope you will find them helpful and if you do, please share them with your friends as well.

Also See: The Best Shows for Kids this Christmas Holiday

All the best during your interview with the nanny. If you have any additional information that we would benefit from, feel free to share in the comments section below.

Love, Maryanne.

How Kenyan Men Discuss Family Planning Matters with their Wives

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How do Kenyan men participate in decisions about family planning in their relationships? Well, I went out on the streets and talked to a few men and in this video, I bring you their views.

Feel free to also share your thoughts on the issue of men and family planning in the comments section.

Also Read: Is it Possible that my Daugther is Having Sex?

You may Also Like: These are the Steps I’m Taking to Secure my Future: Lucy Wanjiku Njenga

Beautiful, bold, sassy and ambitious -Lucy Njenga. Read her story.

Mummy Tales is a blog dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of maternal and newborn health, as well as various issues surrounding motherhood and women. Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan moms hereFollow Mummy Tales on: FACEBOOK l INSTAGRAM l TWITTER 

The Steps I’m Taking to Secure my Future: Lucy Njenga

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Lucy Wanjiku Njenga is a 26 year-old mother of one. She has a daughter aged two years. Just like many of us, Lucy has dreams, goals, and plans for her future. She shares some of those insights with us in this post. Read on…

“My dream is to become an African trader of agricultural produce. It is something I’m greatly looking forward to. To work towards that, right now I’m growing a kitchen garden as I save enough money to lease some land –on my road to becoming a fully-fledged farmer. One of my strategies is to build good networks in this field and that’s something I’m working on diligently.

Part of Lucy’s kitchen garden.

It goes without saying that I’m putting in a lot of effort towards achieving my goals. It requires a lot of time, commitment and dedication. With this kind of focus, expanding my family right now is not a priority. So I’m using a family planning method –specifically an implant. I chose an implant because it lasts long (I have the three-year one which I will stay on or switch to the five-year one). This way, I don’t have to worry about getting pregnant as I continue to work on my laid out plans.

Also Read: Is it Possible my Daughter is Having Sex?

I encourage young women to take charge of their lives just like I have. It’s good for them to be in control. I urge them to plan their futures well, and always make decisions that steer them towards achieving their goals.

By the way, my partner and I had discussions about our family; our plans and our future. He is very supportive of me and actually accompanied me to the clinic on the day my implant was being inserted. From my experience, I believe it’s good for couples to have discussions about how many children they want to have, and how they will space them. Being on the same page on such important family issues is very important.

I also believe that men should be more involved in family planning issues; they should be given more information and facilitated to empower their fellow men.”

See video: How Kenyan Men Discuss Family Planning Matters with their Wives

Also Read: Is it Possible that My Daughter is Having Sex?

Mummy Tales is a blog dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of maternal and newborn health, as well as various issues surrounding motherhood and women. Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan moms hereFollow Mummy Tales on: FACEBOOK l INSTAGRAM l TWITTER 

Clubfoot in Kenya: “My Baby Was Born with Clubfoot and I Didn’t Know what that Was!” -Maureen Mutie’s Story

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Maureen Mwende Mutie is a Kindergarten teacher and mother of two; Nina aged six years and Maia -nine months. Maureen enjoys the joys that motherhood has brought along, though she confesses that the start was quite difficult. This was after the doctors diagnosed her baby as having clubfoot –a condition she had absolutely no knowledge about. This is Maureen’s story, as told to Sylvia Wakhisi.“Motherhood has been a learning experience for me. I have had both exciting and challenging moments and in the process, I have learnt a lot. My most challenging experience has been, when, after giving birth to my firstborn daughter, the doctors gave me some heartbreaking news.

I remember that day clearly. I was filled with so much joy in my heart when I saw my newborn. But a frown was soon to appear on my face when I was informed that my daughter had clubfoot. Club what? I had no idea what that was as I had never heard of the condition before. (Clubfoot refers to a condition in which a newborn’s foot or feet appear to be rotated internally at the ankle. The foot points down and inwards, and the soles of the feet face each other –Source)

The medics went on to tell me that the left foot was worse than the right one. She had to undergo physiotherapy to correct the birth defect.

At first, it was hard for me to accept the news. Images of my child growing up with a disability made me feel so discouraged. However, I chose to remain hopeful.Undergoing Physiotherapy

On the second day, my daughter began her physiotherapy sessions. Having to see my baby cry from the pain was the most traumatizing thing ever. I couldn’t help but shed tears. I would wince and cry so much!

However, the physiotherapist kept on encouraging us during each visit, telling us that our daughter would soon be discharged from hospital because she was responding very well to the physiotherapy sessions. He was very kind hearted and reassuring; we will always remain grateful to him.

My daughter’s feet had to be placed in plaster cast all day long. The cast would be changed every two days- which continued even after her discharge from the hospital. After two months, she had to wear ‘special shoes’ which are designed for correction of clubfoot. She wore the special shoes for twelve hours. With the help of our physiotherapist, my daughter’s feet healed after three months, putting a stop to the sessions. We were so relived; it was one of the happiest moment of our lives.

The Treatment Costs

The cost of treating our daughter was not cheap. We would be charged Sh6,000 as consultation fees for both legs per visit, and we had to make two or three visits per week.

Many people used to encourage and tell us about cases of children who had healed from clubfoot and were walking properly. Hearing such testimonies would encourage me so much. My daughter recovered completely though she started walking late -at 18 months. I still don’t know if this was related to the condition.

She is now six years old and you can’t tell that she had complications with her feet. She has got such beautiful legs and feet. I thank God for healing her!

Nina, who was born with clubfoot.

What I Learned from it all

Through this experience, I have learnt to be positive about life especially children. It also strengthened my faith, that God always walks with us in our journey of life and will see us through no matter what we are going through.

My second baby was born well without challenges. Parenting is not easy, but every single day as a parent you have to commit your children to God. Be optimistic, follow the doctor’s advice because for your child to show improvement the doctors and the parents have to work together and all will be well.” –END

Maureen with her beautiful daughters.

You May Also Like: My Mommy Instincts Helped me Save my Daughter’s Feet -Mary Onguko-Wanyonyi

Thanks Maureen for sharing your story with us. Do you have a motherhood story that you’d like to share? Write to maryanne@mummytales.com and I’ll be in touch.

Also See Helpful Information in the Video Below

Mummy Tales is a blog dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of maternal and newborn health, as well as various issues surrounding motherhood and women. Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan moms here. Follow Mummy Tales on: FACEBOOK l INSTAGRAM l TWITTER 

In Sickness and in Health: Susan Keter’s Inspiring Story through Marriage and Motherhood

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Susan's children -Sarah and Steve

Hello friends, we all love encouraging stories and today, I share the story of Susan Catherine Keter, who has an amazing testimony of her marriage and her motherhood journey. Read her story below.

How I Met my Husband

“My campus roommate was also my best friend (she and I are still friends). While we were in second year, I accompanied her to her rural home because she was getting engaged. Her fiancé was accompanied by his best friend. The ceremony was successful and in an interesting turn of events, a relationship developed between me and the best friend of my roommate’s fiancé.

Susan with her daughter Sarah. Photo courtesy: Daily Nation

As a second year university student, I was still young and marriage or a relationship was not among my priorities. As for my husband, he says that he had been praying for a wife for a while and when our paths crossed, he knew that his prayers had been answered. Now that a guy who was serious had come my way, I started praying to know God’s will.

Our Weddings

It was an interesting journey for the four of us. We would occasionally plan outings together. Both gentlemen were working while my best friend and I were students. We started planning the double weddings when we were in our final year of campus.

The two weddings took place the same month, two weeks apart. This was six months after our graduation. Each couple participated in the other one’s wedding as bridesmaid and groomsman. We are family friends till now, almost 30 years later.

Sammy and Susan Keter

Parenting Challenges

Life is not a straight line. Both our families experienced challenges with parenting. My family’s challenge revolved around the health of our children, which in turn affected my health. The tribulations we went through in the form of illnesses (the children and myself battled poor health), led to a very trying time for us and almost put us up to our necks in debt (read more). God is rich in mercy and we all regained our health.

Unexpected Surgery

In 1999, I went through a very rough year that left me on treatment for high blood pressure and later, depression. My two-year old son got critically ill at a time when his father was away in some remote place with no communication.  When my son’s condition got really critical, I was assisted by a neighbor to take him to hospital. He ended up undergoing major surgery. His father had no clue about what was going on.

My husband arrived a few days later to find a sick little boy who was being given blood through one arm and water through the other, while a tube through his nose was sucking out waste from his gastrointestinal track. Daddy almost collapsed when he saw his little man in that state.

My Son Today…

My mind wanders to the recent happenings in rugby in Kenya and mainly the finals for the Kenya cup and the Eric Shirley Shield. I followed both games sitting on the edge of my seat. Why? KCB Rugby club was a finalist in both matches. And KCB won both finals!

Why is that important to me? Because my son is now a KCB player and he played in that game. He has also represented Kenya in the Under 19 and Under 20 Africa cup in 2016 and 2017. I am thankful for God’s amazing grace.

Steve (with ball), a KCB Rugby player. Photo: Courtesy.

Another Son Undergoes Surgery

Some things are difficult to narrate but at the time when my son was unwell and undergoing surgery, I was about two months pregnant. I delivered his younger brother in November the same year (1999).

By a turn of fate, the baby was born with defects to the gastrointestinal track and needed immediate surgery. The doctors gave me this news while baby and I were still in the ward, before we were discharged.

Again, there was no time to consult my husband (mobile phones were not widely in use those days) yet the surgery had to be performed urgently. The surgery was performed when my newborn was just five days old. This was yet another extremely difficult period for me.

Fast forward to now…

This younger son has grown up and is now a rugby player too! He is in the young team of Impala Saracens.

The True Meaning of ‘In Sickness and in Health’

My husband nursed me when my health failed, going out of his way to help me recover. I took time off work to raise our children and was a housewife for 12 years, a period when I raised three young men and three young ladies.

My husband pushed me out of my comfort zone after raising the children. He would spend hours during his free time helping me to polish up my skills. He also got me professionally trained and I was able to rebuild my career, the years as a housewife notwithstanding. Read more about that journey here.

By God’s amazing grace we celebrated 28 years in marriage on 7th April 2018. Our first born is 27 years while our last born is 15 years old. We have one son-in-law –the blessing of an extra son that God brought into our family.” –END

And that’s Susan’s story. I found it to be very inspiring and encouraging, and I hope it has had the same effect on you. You can read more about her on www.susancatherineketer.com Do you have story that you would like to share too, that you believe will encourage other women and moms? You can write to me on maryanne@mummytales.com

Mummy Tales is a platform dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of womanhood and motherhood. Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan moms here.

Follow Mummy Tales on: FACEBOOK l YOU TUBEINSTAGRAM l TWITTER 

Vaginal Birth After C-Section (VBAC) in Kenya -Mercy Kilili’s Story

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Many moms who have had caesarean sections, usually wonder if it’s possible, or even safe, to try out a vaginal birth after that. Whenever I’m asked that question, I usually refer the ladies to a skilled healthcare provider who has all the knowledge and expertise to give the best answer. I believe that every woman’s body is different; that every woman has a different experience for every birth, and there’s no definite answer to that question. So, I reiterate – a qualified medic is the person who can offer you the best answer.

Also Read: Is It Possible that my Daughter is Having Sex?

Having said that, I do know that there are some women who have attempted VBACs. And today, I’ll share the experience of one such mom -Mercy Kilili. This is HER story, as told in her own words. Read on…

Mercy with her husband.

“I became a mom for the first time in February 2014 through the birth of my son Davis. He was born through an emergency caesarian section.

It had been a pretty smooth pregnancy. I remember on that day, I went to work as usual, but something inside me felt different. I tried to act all fine until in the afternoon when I saw the mucous plug. The emotions that ran through my mind were that of excitement, relief, anxiety and fear, all at once.

I quickly called hubby and informed him that baby was coming. I was a confident mum-to-be: I had already trained with a doula on how to handle labour pains and delivery.

So I walked to a supermarket and bought all the household stuff I felt hubby would need while I was in hospital. I then took a matatu and headed home to prepare supper so that it could be ready by the time hubby came from work. My plan was to ensure everything was perfect at home before going to deliver.

As the labor pains got closer together, I applied the breathing techniques I had been taught. We then headed to the hospital at midnight. Despite the anxiety, I had in mind my perfect birth plan: check in to the hospital, lie on the delivery bed, push three times and voila! Baby would pop out screaming. Then I would hold him close to my heart and quiet him with some lullaby. Need I say I already knew which lullaby to sing to him?

But of course, that’s not exactly how it happened.

First, they took my vitals then did the dreaded two-finger insert! But why on earth do they have to push in their fingers to see how much someone has opened up? I couldn’t believe it. What if they accidentally put their fingers in my urethra? What if they dug their fingers into the baby’s eyes? I hated that experience, totally.

What if I Don’t Make it out Alive?

But luckily, I had a great nurse who helped me relax. It turned out that I had only opened 4cm, and the labour progressed painfully slow. At some point past midnight, the doctor inserted a long needle to burst the amniotic sac to fasten labour. This was traumatic! As a new mum, lots of things go through your mind when someone decides to insert a long needle into your uterus. The green fluid that came out confirmed that baby was in distress and a fast decision needed to be made. A caesarian section it was!

I reluctantly and fearfully signed the dotted line in the yellow form as I was rushed to theatre. What if I died on the operating table? Would my baby make it? Who would take care of him? What about the father, would he remarry, and who? You see, in all my research, I did not imagine that anything could go against my birth plan. The fear of going under the knife is so real!

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Is it Possible that my Daughter is Having Sex?

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*Be sure to read the comments from fellow readers in the comments section down below.

So, last week over coffee and croissant, we were bonding with three of my friends. During our hearty conversations, one of the moms told us about how she’s been dealing with boyfriend issues –courtesy of her daughter.

Her daughter, let’s call her Sabrina, is 20 years old and is a campus student here in Nairobi. While she was a ‘day scholar’ in her first year, Sabrina earlier this year told her mom that the school work load had become too much, and so it would be best if she rented a small house near campus to enable her study harder and complete her assignments on time because she was wasting too much time in traffic every morning and evening.

Her mother saw the sense in this and obliged.

Aside from academics, Sabrina has an active social life too. Turns out that she recently broke up with her boyfriend of one year –a young man familiar to her mom since he comes from the same neighborhood.

Averting Danger

Now, this lad is completely distraught about the break up. So anguished is he that last weekend, he showed up at my friend’s doorstep crying, begging, and asking her to plead his case to Sabrina. He desperately wants Sabrina to reconsider her decision to end the relationship. Imagine that.

Apparently, Sabrina broke off the relationship two weeks ago, but the lad is yet to come to terms with that. He cannot fathom life without her and is willing to do anything to have her back. He says he is ‘going mad’ without her love.

My friend’s worry is what this young man is capable of doing, because he just doesn’t seem to be dealing with the break up well. He appears to be completely distressed. Meanwhile, Sabrina’s mother has cautioned her against meeting him alone. Just in case he does something. If they must meet, then it should be in a very public place, and she must be accompanied by at least three friends.

Were they Having Sex?

But there’s something else that is deeply worrying my friend. She suspects that their relationship may have been close enough to have involved sex, but she’s not sure. In fact, she doesn’t want to think about it.

You see, Sabrina has never given her mother any reason to believe that she’s not a virgin.

She’s been a good girl, well-disciplined with a relatively ‘innocent’ look and the ‘waiting till marriage type’ and all. But the behaviour of the young lad seems to be telling her otherwise. The extent to which he is distraught about the breakup means that they were most likely sexually involved.

“Every time I think my dear daughter could possibly be having sex, I start getting a panic attack as butterflies begin running amok in my stomach,” she told us.

So we asked her if she’s ever discussed sex with Sabrina. She looked down, before responding.

“Surely, would Sabrina really be having sex? Is she aware she could get pregnant, seeing how I have struggled to educate her? Would she do that to me? Do you think she would seriously be having sex?” she asked us.

Not exactly the answer to our question, but we continued listening.

“Sabrina is an ambitious young girl who is so focused on becoming an Economist. She’ll stop at nothing to achieve her dreams. But I know very well what can happen to those dreams if she falls pregnant,” she went on.

Our Children are Sexually Active

As I listened to her, I empathized with her. We all know that many young people, including those in campus, are having sex. In fact, a lot of it; perhaps even more than their parents are. But we always tend to think that it’s other people’s’ children who are having it, and not our sweet innocent children.

But our sweet innocent children are part of the statistics. Statistics that show that 15% of women age 20-29 years had their first sexual intercourse by 15 years, 50% by age 18 and 71% by 20 years (KDHS 2014).

Many parents of today have the ‘sex’ talk with their children early enough – in their pre-teens when they are talking about menstruation, wet dreams and other bodily changes. During that talk, they give age-appropriate information about sexuality.

But what happens when your child is above 18 years? When they are a child no more but an adult? When they join college? When they are old enough to actually be having sex and may even be having it?

How does that conversation with them go? Do you ask them if they are protecting themselves? Do you ask them why they are not waiting till marriage? Do you ask them what would happen if they got pregnant? Or if their girlfriend got pregnant? Do you ask them if they have one partner at least? Do you ask them what would happen if they got an STI? What they would do if they were HIV positive?

Or is it none of your business?

Pray, how do you broach the subject with an older child, especially if you suspect they are likely to start having sex or if they are already having it?

That is the dilemma my friend is in right now. She knows it’s time to have that conversation with Sabrina, but at the same time, she doesn’t want to have it because she can’t imagine that her daughter could be sexually active.

“It will just break my heart if I know, so I would rather just not. But will that be doing Sabrina any good if I, her mother, can’t have a candid conversation with her?” she wonders.

I would love to hear your thoughts about this issue. She will read your comments too. You can share them in the comments section below. You can also follow the #FormNiGani conversation online.

Also Read: These are the Steps I’m Taking to Secure my Future: Lucy Wanjiku Njenga

Also Watch: How Kenyan Men Discuss Family Planning Matters with their Wives

“This is One of the Most Terrifying Experiences I’ve Ever Had as a Makeup Artist” -Rose Ntong’ondu  

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Hi friends hope your week is good. So, on the blog today, I feature Rose Ntong’ondu, a wife and mother of two is a well-established professional makeup artist and trainer under the brand name ‘Makeup by Rose’. She uses both her Make up by Rose and Urembo Club outfits as empowerment tools for women through mentoring upcoming makeup artists, offering advice, training and facilitation networking opportunities.

Today, Rose has a word of caution for all upcoming makeup artists (also known as MUAs). I also believe the rest of us can benefit from her experience. She talks about what happened to her one time in her line of work. Read and share with your friends who are makeup artists or other ladies who seem interested in pursuing this line -including our daughters, nieces, cousins, neighbors etc.

“From my 11 years’ experience as a makeup artist, I have learned a few things that have kept me alive and might keep you alive while still pursuing your dreams of makeup artistry.

Rose is one of Kenya’s leading MUAs.

A makeup artist can either operate from a physical location (few do that) or run a mobile business where you go on location where the clients need you, or both. Most makeup artists are women (easy target)!

About three years ago, a client called me and needed their makeup done in the Eastlands area. We agreed on the time and since she was a first-time client, we were to meet at a certain stage (bus stop) where we were to proceed to her house. She needed her makeup done and a bit of personal makeup training. I run a business, so I couldn’t say no. I was a bit scared because I wasn’t familiar with that particular area, but thought ‘ooh well, ni biashara!

I took a cab from my house and just when were a few minutes away, she called and said she had given me the wrong location. She proceeded to give me a different location and apologized for it. I started to get a bit worried.

The cab driver was also very concerned and asked: “Madam are you sure that’s a client or are they setting up a trap for you?”

I had no answer.

I had my pink makeup case with me (which tends to attract a lot of attention). It made me even more concerned. I said a prayer and asked God to keep me safe. But I needed money so I decided to proceed, because, what if I was wrong and just being paranoid?

The cab driver, seeing my worry told me:

“Madam, I will drop you then give you 10 minutes as you meet with your client. If you see anything fishy, run for your life – I will be here waiting for you.”

I was so happy and felt safer.

On reaching the stage, I alighted and tried calling the ‘client’. She didn’t answer.

I scanned my eyes around to see if anyone around that area would answer their phone. Fortunately, I had not told my ‘client’ what I would be wearing. So I went to a mama nguo nearby and tried calling from there while somewhat ‘hiding in the clothes’.

I don’t know why I kept trying, yet I had this unsettling feeling, but I guess I badly needed the money.

After a few minutes, I saw a woman emerge, accompanied by three men. She didn’t look ‘make up like’ if that makes sense. I called the number again, but this time didn’t place it on my ear -as I had been advised by my cab driver. She answered but couldn’t tell it was me calling. I watched the four of them trying to figure out where I was.

She must have known what I looked like because she pointed at me and they started hurriedly starting walking towards me. I almost peed on myself. Something just didn’t feel right.

I looked around and saw the cab driver was still there, waiting for me, thankfully. He too had been observing. He figured it out.

I ran to meet with him as he drove to where I was. I jumped in and we drove away. I have never been so terrified in my life! Looking back, the four individuals had vanished, we couldn’t tell where they had gone.

That incident remains one of the most terrifying events of my career! I cannot tell you what their intention with me was, but I can tell you they didn’t need makeup for sure.

This is what I Learned from my Experience:

  • For first time clients, don’t go alone. Tag along a companion (preferably a male friend who can help in case of trouble)
  • If It doesn’t feel right, it’s not right. Cancel that client.
  • If need be, take a cab and ask them to wait for you, but please, if it’s not a repeat client that you have a history with, don’t go to their house. Rent space if you must, even if it’s just for one hour to work on that client.
  • Always let someone know where you went and keep them on speed dial. If you are doing a client’s makeup in a public location, make sure it’s open and safe enough. Also have someone there with you. I always have an assistant to avoid losing products or personal items (products being stolen), depending on the job.
  • If anything goes wrong, scream your lungs out!!!!
  • If you don’t feel comfortable, drop that job!

Please please stay safe. I pray that God protects you all. Always say a prayer before going to any client.”-END

And that’s Rose’s story. Quite interesting. Sometimes we always have strong instincts about something and most of the time, they are never wrong. Have you ever had strong instincts about something that ended up saving you big time? Do you have something to comment on Rose’s story? Do you have additional tips that you’d like to share? If your answer is yes to any of these questions, please do so in the comments section below.

Also, if you have an experience that you would like to share with other women, you can email me on maryanne@mummytales.com and I’ll be in touch with you.

Thanks for reading.

You may also be inspired by Irene’s story below:

How George, a Matatu Driver Helped a Pregnant Woman Deliver her Baby

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Hi friends, did you hear about the Route 44 Githurai matatu driver who helped one of his passengers deliver her baby? I watched him narrate his blow-by-blow account of that experience to Waihiga Mwaura on Citizen TV, and at some point my heart was racing so fast until I had to pause for a minute to catch my breath. Wuueeeehh! Let’s keep telling more of such stories; stories that encourage us, lift our spirits and give us hope.

“What Happened to My Daughter’s Grave?” -Vivian Gaiko’s Story

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Four years ago, Vivian Gaiko delivered her first-born daughter Princess Amani via caesarean section. Two weeks later, she returned to the doctor for the recommended post-natal checkup. But while there, the unexpected happened.

Vivian had gone for the appointment together with her newborn daughter, and when the nurse happened to examine Princess Amani, she informed Vivian that the baby was not well. The events that followed this announcement by the nurse will perhaps remain some of Vivian’s ever darkest moments in her life.

Amani was to die just a few days later.

You can read Vivian’s full story here: “My Daughter Died Suddenly at Two Weeks Old. I Attempted Suicide Twice after That” –Vivian Gaiko’s Story

Princess Amani was buried in a cemetery in Nairobi. Today, Vivian talks about how she one day gathered enough courage to visit her daughter’s resting place. But things didn’t turn out as expected. This is what happened, in her words:

“17 months ago I went to the cemetery to place flowers on my daughter Amani’s grave. But the grave didn’t exist anymore. Yes, it wasn’t there! I couldn’t find it.

So I asked one of the workers I found where a grave site for a baby buried in 2014 was.

“Madam hiyo huwezi pata. 2014 ni kitambo sana!” he responded as he continued removing some rocks.

“Kama hukuzika side ya private ama kukorogea (na cement) hiyo huwezi ipata,” he added.

I can’t even explain how I found myself sitting on that red soil. I was heavily pregnant then (30 weeks) with my second child. I was crushed. Seeing my state and how distressed I was, the guy helped me up and took me to some area with scanty grass to sit down.

All this was too much for me to bear. I couldn’t have come all the way… in vain. I threw away the beautiful flowers I had carried, cried, sobbed and tried to put myself together. Then I went back home.

My baby had been buried in the temporary section in the cemetery, something I had never wanted. (click on this link to read Vivian’s blog post about this). It reads in part:

When I found the grave missing is when I felt robbed. We were literally robbed of the opportunity to decide our baby’s final resting place, I felt robbed of that space I can go pour my grief without being judged, my sacred space. I was angry, I was broken, I was confused, I felt cheated and I even hated the people who organized that burial…”.

Today, 17 months since that episode, I went back to the cemetery. This time to support a family that lost their two-week old baby who had died. While there, memories came flashing through my mind and I just couldn’t hold it together. I felt broken for this family and broken for myself too.

My baby was somewhere there but I couldn’t visit the place she was resting, because it didn’t exist anymore.

My daughter would have turned 4 years old just last week -on 2nd April 2018.

I know you’re probably asking… why is Vivian sharing what she’s going through? Why, yet she’s always been put together and has been able to handle her loss?

Well, I’m sharing so that you get an understanding that grief is real, and it’s overwhelming. I’m sharing so that you know that child loss grief is lifelong.

Amani was only 16 days old when she died. Today, when she would have been 4 years old, I keep wondering how she would have looked like, her smile, us twinning in our #wakanda outfits…

Whoever said time heals all wounds… it’s really not ALL wounds… some have permanent scars, like the loss of a child.

The hole in my heart gets bigger by the day. It was only 16 days, it’s now 4 years and I know there’s a time it will be a hole of an 18 year old, a 30 year old, a 50 year old… Surely how does time even heal such a wound that gets larger by the day? (that’s rhetoric)

I’m sharing my experience so that that parent who has suffered the loss of a child and is concealing their grief because they think they are over-reacting and should be over it, or because those around them think they should snap out of it and move on..

…I want them to know that as it were, grief in itself is exhausting and hiding it is even more draining. I want to tell them to just go through the grief as it comes with its roller coaster of emotions (by the way grief is a normal reaction to loss).

I’d also like to tell them that when they seem stuck, they can always seek help, for their well-being. When you’re honest with how you feel, you will find love and support and it becomes a manageable journey.

Also Read: “I Lost my Baby at 37 Weeks Pregnant. This is What Happened” -June Mbithe Muli’s Story 

To all those who have friends who have lost a child, when you see a grieving parent struggling to keep it together, just extend a hug and show some love and support.

Today, I have shared my story because I was just tired of concealing it.”-END

And that’s Vivian’s story. Quite touching. Following her experience, Vivian started a support group for parents who have lost a child. It’s called Empower Mama Foundation, which you can find here. This month, on Saturday 21 April 2018, Empower Mama Foundation will be conducting a child loss awareness workshop in Nakuru town. See flyer below for more details. Please share this link with a friend or relative who you know would really benefit from such a support group.

If you’d like to get in touch with Vivian, you can do so through the contacts below:

Email: vivian@empowermama.org

Website: www.empowermama.org

Facebook: Empower Mama Foundation

Twitter: @EmpowerMama

Mummy Tales is a blog dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of maternal and newborn health, as well as various issues surrounding motherhood and women. Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan moms here. Follow Mummy Tales on: FACEBOOK INSTAGRAM TWITTER 

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