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“Abuse is the Type of Pattern that only Gets Worse with Time…”

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
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Hello folks, hope you are doing well. So I recently came across a post by Marcus Olang talking about abuse, and which I found so insightful that I thought to share it here with you. Read, and share it with a friend too. This is what Marcus penned:

“I’m going to say to something, and stay with me here: Happy times do not negate the abusive ones.

I’ve been in situations where I’m talking to a person, and they talk about how their partner yells at them, calls them names, gaslights them, threatens them with either violence or death… but then they add something along these lines:
“It doesn’t happen much – it’s only when s/he is stressed…”
“It doesn’t happen much – it’s only when we’re arguing…”
“It doesn’t happen much – sometimes s/he just loses her temper and doesn’t mean what s/he says…”

And here, notice that I haven’t even touched on physical violence.

I want to be as unambiguous as I can be on this: Abuse is a cycle. It’s a vicious cycle. And it’s a cycle that you cannot continue to subject yourself to.

The vast majority of times, an abusive person does not change.
The vast majority of times, an abusive person only gets more abusive.
The only person who suffers continues to be you, the victim.

And a lot of times, you – the person on the receiving end of this horrible, terrible abuse, in whatever form it comes – don’t even realise what’s happening. You have no idea that you’re the victim of abuse.

Also Read: Why an Educated, Intelligent Woman Like me Stayed in an Abusive Marriage

Plus, the nature of an emotionally abusive partner is that they’re so slick, you’ll end up believing that you’re the problem – to the point where even other people will be questioning why you’re giving this ‘amazing human being’ such a hard time in life.

And most times, your abuser will seem to be very remorseful afterwards. Most times, but not all the time.
They’ll apologise.
They’ll tell you they didn’t mean it.
They’ll buy you nice things.
They’ll treat you to nice dinners.
They’ll promise it’ll never happen again…
Most times, but not all the time.

Then it’ll happen again.

Also Read: This is Why I Stayed in an Abusive Marriage for 12 Years

And you’ll continue to believe that you’re at fault.
You’ll believe you’re the problem, because they were so nice to you.
You’ll believe you’re the problem, because they treated you so well.
You’ll believe you’re the problem, because they bought you nice things.
You’ll believe you’re the problem, because they apologised.
Because they promised it’ll never happen again.

HAPPY TIMES DO NOT NEGATE THE ABUSIVE ONES.

I’m open to this: People make mistakes.
But repeated mistakes are a pattern.
Abuse is certainly a pattern.
Abuse is the type of pattern that only gets worse with time, good moments notwithstanding.

HAPPY TIMES DO NOT NEGATE THE ABUSIVE ONES.

Now I want to make this very clear: Disagreements and arguments are on one side. Those happen. And they are often difficult to sort out. Sometimes you never even completely sort them out. Only thing to stay focused on is remaining respectful of each other in how you handle them.

Also Read: Why I Stayed in an Abusive Relationship for Three Years

Abuse is a whole other issue altogether.
Abuse chips at your essence.
Abuse erodes your esteem.
Abuse gets you to question yourself.
Abuse destroys who you truly are.

You mustn’t allow it.
Whether you’re a man or a woman, you mustn’t allow it to destroy you.
It’s hard. It’s one of the most difficult things to realise and accept.

But that realisation may need to start with this:
HAPPY TIMES DO NOT NEGATE THE ABUSIVE ONES.“ -END

So that is what Marcus shared. Very insightful. By the way, if you are in an abusive relationship, you can call the National Gender Violence Helpline (toll-free) number: 1195 and you will be assisted. I have personally called the number this morning (9 August 2018) and the phone was answered right away. No delays at all. I’ve previously called the number when working on other articles and believe me, the response from them has always been good. They’ve always assured me that any individual who calls that number seeking help gets the right kind of assistance. Calling 1195 is free and operates on a 24-hour basis so you can call at anytime, from any part of Kenya. If you are in an abusive relationship or if you know of someone who is, let them know about 1195. It might be the call that could save their life.

 If you have a story you’d like to share or any information that you believe would be helpful, you can email me on maryanne@mummytales.com and I’ll be in touch. Otherwise thanks for reading.

Mummy Tales is a platform dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of maternal and newborn health, as well as various issues surrounding motherhood and women. Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan moms here. Connect with Mummy Tales on: YOU TUBE l FACEBOOK l INSTAGRAM l TWITTER 

Widowhood in Kenya: “My Husband Died when I was Six Months Pregnant – How Life Has Been as a Young African Widow”

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
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 The motherhood journey is one with its ups and downs, and we all have different experiences. Today, I share with you the story of Hellen, a young mom of two. Hellen sent me her story. By the way, if you have a life experience that you believe would inspire, encourage or educate a fellow woman or mom, you can send it to me at maryanne@mummytales.com  

This is Hellen’s story:

“My name is Hellen Birech, a mother of two. My daughter Natasha is three-years-old while my son Nigel is aged just one year. I am an Agricultural Economics graduate.

When I was six months pregnant with my second born, I unexpectedly lost my husband in Somalia; he was a Kenya Defence Forces (KDF) soldier who died in the line of duty.

For as long as I live, there are moments that I will never forget. I’ll never forget the moment I learned about my husband’s sudden passing. I’ll never forget the moment I viewed his lifeless body. I’ll also never forget the moment when his casket was being lowered into the grave.

Hellen’s son and daughter.

I became a widow at the age of just 28 years. At that time, my daughter Natasha was just a year and a half old. I was also a fresh graduate from University and was jobless. My husband’s sudden death left me in a daze. Everything was just a blur. There I was, reeling from the shock of it all, pregnant, and with a young child. It was the hardest moment of my life.

I developed low blood pressure which saw me in an out of hospital countless times. I fainted thrice while pregnant. I remember the worst was one day in when, as I was standing outside our home, I collapsed, hitting my tummy down so badly. I was rushed to the hospital and immediately admitted.

The doctors did their best to stabilize me. However, three days later during their routine monitoring checks, they couldn’t trace my baby’s fetal heartbeat. I was informed that I had to go in for an emergency caesarean section. My son had to be delivered six weeks earlier than his expected due date. We stayed in hospital for one week before we were discharged.

Endless Tears

I had a rough time breastfeeding my son. I was nursing my CS wound and I was still quite stressed by the loss of my husband -who I had all along been excited about building my future with and raising our dear children together. I worried about my children, wondering how they would grow up without their father. I could hardly sleep.

Perhaps it is this stress that may have caused my breast milk supply to drop significantly. My son was just not getting satisfied. Hard as I tried, I couldn’t produce enough for him.

Every time my son cried, I would cry together with him.

Hellen’s son, enjoying the outdoors in a recent photo.

Strained Relations with In-Laws

It didn’t help much that after the death of my hubby, my relationship with my in-laws became strained. Our relationship came to an end just three days after my husband’s burial. I returned home to my parents.

Back at my parents’ home, my life became preoccupied with my children. I made a resolution to be the best mother and father to them; determined to never let them down. I would always kneel in my room and pray for them.

Thankfully, with the support of my mother, siblings, friends and the unit where my husband worked, my kids didn’t lack.

But those first days, weeks and months weren’t easy. There are days when I would cry so much. Sometimes my daughter would see me during those down moments, and I noticed that if would affect her so much. I had to learn to be much stronger for her and her brother.

Hellen with her daughter.

How Motherhood has Changed Me

Being a mom has completely changed my outlook on life. I no longer sweat the small stuff. Motherhood has humbled me, with the realization that the world no longer revolves around just myself. I am now someone’s hero; I mean the world to my children.

I always look forward to going home whenever I’m out running errands. The moments when I walk in through the door and see my children’s faces light up as they throw their hands in the air screaming “mum” and hugging me and kissing me as they do so are priceless.

Raising my two babies who are closely spaced is an amazing experience. To see them grow healthy each day is a blessing and a favor from God, which I don’t take for granted. With each passing day, I grow very fond of them. They are still young and need me.

Hellen’s adorable babies.

I have a nanny, but because I’m home full-time, save for when I’m out running errands, I try and spend as much time with them. I love going to the supermarket to shop with them because it’s also a kind of like an outing for them. And it makes me feel a happy mama. Despite some few challenges here and there, I continue to do my best to be a great mom and dad to my kids.

Remarriage

Despite being widowed at a young age, I have a great life with my kids. I don’t plan to remarry because I fear introducing my kids to a step-father…

I have made peace with myself that I’m going to take care of my kids alone.

Sadly, my son never got to meet his father. I gave my son all his father’s names, which helps me know that soldier is here. Last May, as he celebrated his first birthday, I declared him my hero.

Hellen’s son, in an attire she specially designed for him in honor of his father’s legacy.

Why did I do so? Because at some point during the pregnancy with the low blood pressure, the sickness and all the stress, I knew that I was going to lose him. But he showed me that he is a real soldier who never quits. My son is a hero.

As Dolly Parton sang ‘My coat of many colors my mama made for me’, I did the same to my son Kiberur. I took his father’s military combat and made him a small one that fits him. I wanted him to wear his uniform in honor of his legacy. And I’m sure he’s up there in heaven smiling at us.

Encouragement for Widows

Today, I want to assure Natasha and Nigel that they are in safe hands. Dad gave me the sword to protect them, he gave me the light to lead them. And I promise to do it best for them not to feel the empty void.

My encouragement to fellow widows is this: God knows why it had to happen that way. stand strong for your babies and God always be your number one support system.” –END

Thank you, Hellen, for sharing your inspiring story. Blessings to you and your family.

And that’s Hellen’s story. I hope it has encouraged you. If you, just like Hellen, have a life experience that you’d like to share with other moms, you can email it to me at maryanne@mummytales.com . Thanks for reading.

Mummy Tales is a platform dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of womanhood and motherhood. Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan moms here. Connect with Mummy Tales on: FACEBOOK l YOU TUBE l INSTAGRAM l TWITTER

Giving Birth in Kenya: Could Chickenpox in Pregnancy Have Led to the Loss of my Baby?

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
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Beverly during her traditional wedding ceremony.

By Maryanne W. Waweru l maryanne@mummytales.com

In 2016, Beverly found out she was pregnant. A nurse by profession, she could not hide her excitement about being a first-time mom. But Beverly’s journey to motherhood didn’t end as she had anticipated. This is her story. 

“I remember being so happy upon discovering that I was pregnant. As a nurse working in the maternity ward, and after seeing so many mothers bring forth their babies and the joy this brought, I looked forward to my own experience.

I started shopping early as I looked forward to February –the month that I was due. The highlight of my days was experiencing fetal kicks. They were so heavenly! I also loved how baby would start playing when the dad would call me. It is still hard to understand how such things happen.

The Start of my Illness

One Thursday in November, I travelled from Embu (where I stayed) to Eldoret for my sister’s graduation. All went well until the following Monday when we returned and I started experiencing back pains. I went to the hospital and was given painkillers. The pain didn’t subside much, and when I returned to the hospital I was once again given painkillers.

Also See: “I Lost my Baby at 37 Weeks Pregnant. This is What Happened” –June Mbithe Muli’s Story

By Wednesday the pain was so bad the doctor even thought I was in labor. I was 31 weeks pregnant then. I was informed that I needed to be admitted.

Unfortunately, doctors in public hospitals were on strike at that time so I had to go to a private hospital. The first one we went to was unfortunately packed to capacity, so we had to search for another one. Thankfully, we got space there and when a scan was done, it showed that baby was fine. However, they couldn’t explain the back pain.

The following day – on Thursday morning, I woke up with a rash all over my face and body. Turns out that I had chickenpox! Apparently, this is what was causing the back pains. I stayed in the hospital that day before being discharged later.

I remember being so frustrated at being sick, dealing with fever, being pregnant, and just being tired all day long. I desperately wanted to be well.

It was not until Tuesday of the following week that I recovered and life went back to normal.

The next month –December, I had my traditional wedding. It was a glamorous ceremony and we were glad to have received the blessings of our parents.

The Surprise Baby Shower

The following month –on January Friday the 13th, I felt some pain that felt like a contraction. I was 36 weeks pregnant then. Hubby was on his way from Meru to Embu for the weekend. After I told him how I was feeling, he called my doctor who said it was probably a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI). However, I was sure that it wasn’t. We nevertheless slept calmly through the night.

The following day, I met my good friend Keziah, who agreed to accompany me for my last ultrasound. We went to the doctors but found a very long queue. What I didn’t know is that Keziah had other plans. She and other friends had organized my baby shower on that day!

The baby shower caught me by surprise because my mind was focused on other things. But the baby shower went well and I was very happy. I was delighted to see my sisters, friends and colleagues at my baby shower. We made fun of baby names; my hubby and I had settled on Declan John Karume. I remember them making fun how his short form was going to be ‘Deki’.

With friends at the baby shower.

Reduced Fetal Movements

We stayed home on Sunday and I went to work on Monday. But while baby always played when I woke up, I distinctly remember that that day he didn’t do so. I thought that maybe he was still sleeping.

When I got to work and still didn’t feel the kicks, I sensed something was wrong. I called Keziah to come listen to the fetal heartbeat, but she wasn’t around and so I called another colleague who advised me to take a Fanta soda as perhaps baby just needed some sugar.

At about noon, I called my husband and he advised me to go see a doctor (I don’t even know why I hadn’t thought of doing so). Thankfully, Keziah took me hospital and when the doctor placed the sonicade (the machine used to listen to the fetal heartbeat) the heartbeat was loud and normal. He reassured me that baby was fine but advised on a scan because of the reduced fetal movements.

Emergency Caeserean Section

While doing the scan, the doctor kept asking if I had experienced hypertension during my pregnancy, or if my due date had already passed. I didn’t understand why he was asking this. But he soon interrupted my thoughts by saying that the baby was alive but not moving. He advised that I needed to have an emergency caesarean section; that baby had to be delivered within four hours if he was to survive. That meant that my son would need to be placed in an incubator upon delivery.

However, there was a problem.

The doctors were still on strike in public hospitals, and the best private hospital around had only one incubator –which was already occupied. The only other option was to travel to Nairobi.

We got an ambulance and got to a hospital in Nairobi at around 8.30pm. The admission process didn’t take long. My baby’s fetal heartbeat was loud, clear and regular.

Doctor Unavailable

However, we were soon told that the doctor who had been informed about my case had just been called in for another CS. As we were waiting for them to get another doctor to attend to me, my baby’s fetal heartbeat kept being monitored. At one point, I remember the heartbeat fluctuating and being unstable… and then suddenly, the beats were no more.

Also Read: The Day I Almost Lost my Life -Caroline’s Story

An ultrasound was quickly ordered. I remember asking the doctor why I couldn’t hear the fetal heartbeat. Then she broke the news to my husband and I by simply saying “There is no fetal heartbeat”. I didn’t immediately understand what she said until I heard my husband begin to sob. That’s when it dawned on me.

The Induction and Delivery 

The doctor then told me that my labor had to be induced and asked whether I wanted to have it done at that time or in the morning. I opted for the soonest time possible. The induction started at about 2am.

Meanwhile, I tried sleeping as I took in the sad news. It was a very difficult time for me as you can imagine.

When the doctor checked on me the following morning, there wasn’t much change and I had to be inserted another (induction) pill to hasten the contractions.

Meanwhile, I remember people coming to visit me but to this day I don’t even remember who I saw that day. My sister and Keziah are the ones who I remember being present, supporting me and rubbing my back with each contraction.

With dear friend Keziah in better days.

At around 11am, it was time to go to the delivery room, with my husband and Keziah by my side. At 11.46am I delivered a male infant weighing 2.6 kgs. The nurse asked if I wanted to hold him before she was done or after, I opted for the latter.

Holding my Son in My Arms

When I eventually got to hold my baby, I stared at him, taking it all in. I noticed that while he had my face, he looked so much like his dad and was just as dark as him. Suddenly, I thought I saw my baby move.

But it was all an illusion. Talk about a ray of hope!

I remember asking Keziah “You mean to tell me that I won’t breastfeed him?”

All this in an attempt to come to terms of the reality of what was happening.

We decided to have the baby buried by the hospital. They said the chickenpox might have been the cause of the problem; that the virus may have passed to the placenta and led to complications for the baby.

I got discharged from hospital the following day, and it was the hardest part for me. I felt like I was living my baby behind. It drained me to have to leave, but I had to.

When I got home, I found that my son’s wardrobe was empty. I had no idea where they had put his clothes all of his other stuff that I had bought. But with the help of my counselor Lillian, I was able to re-arrange them back neatly back in the cupboard. That was what I wanted, and it helped me deal with the loss much better.

This is my message to my dear son Declan:

“Heaven and earth may separate us today, but nothing will ever change the fact that you made me a mum.”

Today, I talk about my son because he deserves to be remembered. Even though he is not physically with us, he is not too far from my mind. I talk about him because he is part of me, and I am proud to be his mother. I talk about Declan because I love him still and always will.”

*Photos courtesy of Beverly

Also See: His Name was John. How I Lost my Baby Boy to Preeclampsia -Catherine’s Story

See Previous Post: When Should you Give your House Girl a Salary Raise?

Mummy Tales is a platform dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of maternal and newborn health, as well as various issues surrounding motherhood and women. Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan moms here. Connect with Mummy Tales on: YOU TUBE l FACEBOOK l INSTAGRAM l TWITTER 

House Helps in Kenya: When Should You Increase Your House Girl’s Salary?

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
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Have you found yourself wondering when you should give your house girl more money? Are you thinking its too soon to give her a raise, or are you thinking you’ve taken too long to do so? In this video, I talk to fellow Kenyan mums about this topic. Watch and feel free to leave your responses in the comments section of the video. Share with your friends too! Thanks for watching and remember to subscribe to the Mummy Tales You Tube channel.

Also Watch: 

Also See: Questions to Ask When Interviewing a House Girl

Mummy Tales is a platform dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of maternal and newborn health, as well as various issues surrounding motherhood and women. Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan moms here. Connect with Mummy Tales on: YOU TUBE l FACEBOOK l INSTAGRAM l TWITTER 

Why I Quit Employment to Focus on my Online Jewelry Business

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
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0

To remain in employment or to get into self-employment on a full-time basis? That is a dilemma that many entrepreneurial people who are employed struggle with on an almost daily basis. But for one thing for sure is that the decision to start one’s own business is never an easy one to make. Running a business is a journey that requires a lot of sacrifice, commitment, time and patience to see it grow. A road that 30-year-old Dolly Muthoni, a mother of one knows only too well.

Dolly runs two businesses: Dawn Fashion Jewellers; an online shop that deals with an exquisite collection of pure silver jewelry, and Dawn General Merchants; which deals with real estate and general supplies. She talked to SYLVIA WAKHISI about her entrepreneurial journey.

While Dolly was working as a full-time employee in a SACCO, she one day made the decision to quit full-time employment. This was in 2014.

“I had made up my mind because I wanted to utilize the energy that I was putting into employment into my own business. While working as a Field Officer at the SACCO, I would, during my free time, sell jewelry. I believed in myself and the potential of my business, hence my decision to leave employment,” says Dolly who studied Applied Biology in college.

“At that time, my business was at its incubation stage and I strongly felt that it needed my full attention. I was also driven by the need to have financial freedom,” she adds.

Dolly admits that before venturing into self-employment, she had some serious fears, one of them being whether she would be able to penetrate the market since there were already so many jewelers in town.

Dolly, who says that running her own business has been rewarding.

“It was nerve-wracking as my clientele base was not as much and besides, Kenyans were still quite apprehensive about purchasing things online. Many had been disappointed by online retailers who had failed to deliver on what they had promised their customers.

I was Used to a Monthly Paycheck

The fact that I was used to receiving a salary at the end of every month -which would no longer be there also worried me. I wondered what would happen in case things didn’t work out well with my business. But something in my spirit kept pushing me, and I eventually made that bold move.”

Also See: From Beauty Queen to Entrepreneur: Janet’s Story

Dolly says the idea of starting a jewelry shop was borne when she realized that there were so many shops in town that sold low-quality jewelry. For those who sold good quality jewelry, their prices were quite high and not affordable for many people.

“Since my business is online, my prices are fair as I do not need to pay for expenses like rent and salary for employees -which are often channeled to the customer,” she says.

Dolly says that the growth of her business has been good, since more people are today embracing online shopping.

“Getting new and maintaining old customers has been a good learning experience. The future is bright as I’m now looking to expanding my business. I intend to start selling beauty products -especially make up to enable me better satisfy the needs of my clients,” she says.

Also Read: She Quit her Airline Job to Start a School: Caroline’s Story

Besides selling jewelry, Dolly is also into real estate business and is the Founder of Dawn General Merchants, which deals with real estate and general supplies.

Advice to Fellow Moms  

As a mother to a four-year-old girl and a budding entrepreneur, when it comes to the act of balancing between motherhood and business, Dolly says “there is no one right answer on how to do business and motherhood. But you can do both, and you can do them well. There are no universal fix-alls.”

Dolly with her daughter.

As a woman who is looking forward to scaling greater heights in business, Dolly encourages other women who want to venture into business to go for something they are passionate about and they love doing.

“To women already in business believe in yourself because you always have more options than you think you have. Every time I feel stuck or trapped, I remember this, take my time and reformulate my plans,” concludes Dolly.

Some of Dolly’s pieces.

You can check Dolly’s Facebook page here where you can get in touch with her.

You May Also Like: 5 Helpful Tips for Women in Business

If you are a woman in business and you’d like to be featured here on Mummy Tales, send me your story on maryanne@mummytales.com

Thanks for reading!

Mummy Tales is a platform dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of maternal and newborn health, as well as various issues surrounding motherhood and women. Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan moms here. Connect with Mummy Tales on: YOU TUBE l FACEBOOK l INSTAGRAM l TWITTER 

Kenyan Women Champions of Menstrual Health: Mrs. Rocila Awiti

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
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Homa Bay County First Lady (2nd right) at the distribution of sanitary towels to school girls during the Menstrual Hygiene Day on 28 May 2018.

Last month, I featured five women; Makena Barasa, Kwale County First Lady Christine Mvurya, Lucy Njenga, Elsie Wandera and Esther Mbugua-Kimemia -all of who are champions of menstrual health. You can read that post here.

In the article, I asked you, my dear readers, to share details of any other women who are doing amazing work regarding menstrual health and menstrual hygiene so that I can share their stories which I hope can in turn inspire someone else.

One avid Mummy Tales reader, Joseph Otieno responded to this call by informing me about the work of the Homa Bay County First Lady H.E Mrs Rocila Awiti, who uses her platform to promote the empowerment of girls and women in Homa Bay. Mrs. Awiti is a menstrual health champion who is involved in the mobilization and distribution of sanitary towels to needy girls across the County.

Part of her strategy is her continuous participation in different community dialogues with parents, teachers and girls, where they discuss different topics on women’s and girl’s health, including menstruation. The forums serve as good platforms to openly discuss some of the challenges that girls face during their menses, and how they can be overcome. The sessions also help tackle issues of how to break the silence associated with menstruation.

The First Lady says she is committed to the vision of an ’empowered girl child’, one who is free from the discrimination and stigmatization brought upon by cultural taboos. To enhance her vision, she partners with different entities, among them: government departments, NGOs operating in the County, as well as other Menstrual Hygiene Management (MHM) stakeholders. They all work together in the mobilization of and planning for resources, and ensuring that girls and young women both in-school and out-of-school benefit from these interventions.

The Homa Bay County First Lady is a family health practitioner, and is particularly keen on issues of gender-based violence in the community. She is also involved in campaigns to reduce new HIV infections, infant and maternal deaths in the County.

So that’s a brief about the work of the Mrs. Awiti Homa Bay County First Lady. If you, just like her, are a menstrual health champion or if you know of any other person who is, you can share the details about your/their work by emailing me at  maryanne@mummytales.com and I’ll feature them here on Mummy Tales.

Also Read: 5 Kenyan Women Champions of Menstrual Health

Mummy Tales is a platform dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of maternal and newborn health, as well as various issues surrounding motherhood and women. Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan moms here. Connect with Mummy Tales on: YOU TUBE l FACEBOOK l INSTAGRAM l TWITTER 

House Helps in Kenya: I Watched How my Mum Treated House Helps – Will I do the Same?

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
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So they say, children learn from what we do more than what we tell them to do, and that’s why it’s very important for parents to be role models -in action and in words. Today, we have an inspirational guest post from Yunita. Read it and share your comments about it below.

“We’ve been looking for a house help for the past three weeks and I must say we’re quite phobic, due to an experience we recently had. We’ve been referred to several and called each, but none seemed to be the perfect fit.

But I think I we may just have found the one we’ll settle for. Her name is Petronillah, and she’ll be starting work at our home tomorrow. I remember that even as I talked to Petronillah about working as our house help, I had to apply every faculty of faith I could muster in me – to believe that all shall be well. Why are we jittery about a new house help?

Because of Amina.

Amina is our former house girl. But she’s still staying with us –and will continue to do so even after we employ a new house girl. You see, for the last five years, Amina has served us faithfully, and we are now celebrating the new heights she’s moving on to.

How my Mum Treated House Girls

While growing up, I saw my mother do her best to improve the lives of all the girls she employed. She sponsored one girl through primary education, while she took another one to tailoring school. Whether they harnessed the opportunity given to them is another story which I may opt not to tell, but my point here is that my mother did try.

I remember my mum taking in needy children and educating them. While staying with us, each child got exactly the same privileges we did; there was no distinguishing between us and the child. One of them even successfully completed her campus education 🙂

Later on, I read from an editorial in one local magazine that “Every woman employing domestic aid should endeavour to break the poverty cycle in her family”. That is something that strongly reverberated in me, since it is what I saw from my mother all the years I grew up.

Former House Girl now a PhD Holder

I find myself surrounded by like-minded people. My colleague Anne, a Doctorate holder herself, has a former house girl who is now a PhD holder just like her! Just because Anne saw the young lady’s potential after seeing what she scored in KCSE, she went ahed to help her settle the outstanding secondary school fee balance. She then offered to pay for the girl’s college fees and now – the girl is high in the academic ranks!

Maybe you’ve heard of this statement: “Usimdharau huyo msichana – Don’t look down on that girl, for if she’d had half the chances you had, who knows how far she’d be now?”

So back to Amina.

When she came to work in our house, she didn’t know what to do with her life apart from working for us. However, I vividly recall her dad’s words as he handed her over to me:

“Sasa wewe ni kama mama ya huyo msichana tumekupa. Wewe ni mwalimu. Mtendee jinsi ungetendea mtoto wako. Mtafutie namna asome, ajisaidie kwa maisha yake”. (You are now like this girl’s mother; her custodian. You are a teacher. Treat her the same way you’d treat your child. Help her advance her education, so that she can better her future).

Why Amina Still Stays with Us

So I took in Amina with a great sense of responsibility. I was actually feeling blessed, knowing that I had the ability to make even the smallest difference in a young lady’s life.

Maybe I would follow in my mum’s footsteps.

We prayed with Amina, we prayed for her. We had talks with her, got to know her interests, her vision for the future, and mentored her. Amina said she wanted to study hairdressing. So we agreed on the school, paid her fee and she started her course. She went through the three levels of the course, passing each exam with flying colours. Meanwhile, she continued to perform her house chores quite well.

Amina now works in a good job which of course is an improvement from domestic work. And still, she’s a daughter in our own home – she’s living with us as she charts her own path.

As we allow her to flourish, we thought it was time we took on a new house girl. Which is why I’m so jittery about our new house girl Petronillah. Will she be as good as Amina? Will we ever find one as good as Amina? Only time will tell.” –END.

You May Also Like: Questions you Should Ask When Interviewing a House Girl

Did you like this story? Do you have something to share? You may do so in the comments section below. Have you ever sponsored your house girl’s education? We would love to hear about your experience, and what you learned from it. Send me an email on maryanne@mummytales.com with the story, which I will then share with fellow moms.

Otherwise thanks for reading. You may connect with Mummy Tales on: YOU TUBE l FACEBOOK l INSTAGRAM l TWITTER 

5 Kenyan Women Champions of Menstrual Health

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
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On Monday 28 May, the world celebrated Menstrual Hygiene Day, a day dedicated to raising awareness on different issues surrounding menstruation. In today’s post, I highlight five Kenyan women who have started initiatives around menstruation; women who are champions for menstrual health. I hope they will inspire you..

Makena Barasa

Makena Barasa

Makena is the editor of a local beauty magazine, and is a mother of three girls. She regularly donates sanitary towels to girls in children’s homes, schools as well as women in prisons. She says:

“I have always wanted to give back to the society, and pads seemed close to my heart. I mobilise my friends who help me buy these pads. Some of them send me money for this cause, while others donate pads, which I then distribute to these girls and women in need. A friend introduced me to a place where they make subsidized pads and with only 450 shillings, I am able to buy a year’s supply of pads for one girl. That is an average cost of lunch in Nairobi today.”

Christine Mvurya

Christine Mvurya

Christine Mwaka Mvurya is the First Lady of Kwale County. She has a passion for women and girl empowerment and over the last three years, she has been centrally involved in related activities through her organization –Fanikisha Foundation.

Ms. Mvurya is a Menstrual Hygiene Management champion and uses her platforms of influence to address different issues surrounding menstruation, such as dispelling of myths and taboos about periods, addressing stigma and isolation of women during their menses, advocating for every girl’s access to sanitary towels –especially school-going girls who may miss school during their periods due to lack of pads, or toilets where they can comfortably change their pads. Ms. Mvurya is passionate about seeing to it that all girls and women are able to be confident and comfortable during their periods. She is a wife and mother of four boys.

Lucy Wanjiku Njenga

Lucy Njenga

Lucy Wanjiku Njenga is the founder of Positive Young Women’s Voices (PYWV), an organization that promotes access to healthcare for girls and young women –especially those in Dandora. It advocates for their economic empowerment and facilitates mentorship opportunities for them. One of the activities of her organization is the sanitary pads drive titled: Adopt a Girl’s Month Initiative, where with a donation of Sh300, you adopt a girl’s month. Through this, a girl will receive 2 packets of sanitary pads, a pen and a book. She says:

“We have taken up one private school in our community called Mt. Zion High School, where they have a total of 55 girls in the school. Our girls will no longer miss school becase we are there for them. These girls don’t have to use all manner of things to go through their periods, or get into risky behaviour just to afford pads. It’s her right to enjoy life, to enjoy her womanhood.”

Lucy is a mother of a beautiful two year-old daughter.

Elsie Wandera

Elsie Wandera

Elsie Wandera started her periods when she was 13 years old. But her menses came with indescribable pain. She says of her experience: “Every month, my periods would be accompanied by severe abdominal pain that would see me leave class many times to go lay down in the school’s sanatorium. I would feel as though the insides of my abdomen were being knotted, tugged at and pulled apart in all directions. It was as though my abdomen was being stabbed by a thousand knives.” Read More.

Today, at 38 years, Elsie she still continues to battle with endometriosis. Endometriosis is basically extremely painful and debilitating periods. To raise awareness about the condition, she founded the Endometriosis Foundation of Kenya (EFK), an avenue she uses to advocate for improved treatment options for women who suffer from endometriosis, as well as influence government policies on the same. EFK also has a support group that offers emotional and psychological support to women with endometriosis. It helps them know that they are not alone. Elsie can be reached on endometriosis254@gmail.com

Esther Mbugua-Kimemia

Esther Mbugua-Kimemia

In 2016, Esther launched Yellow Endo Flower to help demystify period-shaming, to teach girls about periods and menstrual health, and to create awareness about endometriosis. Esther is an endometriosis warrior. Last year, she published a book on menstrual health called Bloom, through which she teaches girls and women about how a period should look and feel, explore sanitary options and encourage girls and women to employ healthy practices about menstruation.

The book also teaches them about the importance of keeping a period diary. Esther is also a menstrual health educator, who spends her time educating school girls about menstruation. She also conducts menstrual health trainings in schools, churches and other organized groups. Esther is a mother of two girls. You can reach her through email: yellowendoflower@gmail.com

So those are the five women that I have featured today. Are you a menstrual health champion or do you know of any other woman who is? Feel free to email me at maryanne@mummytales.com with more information.

Mummy Tales is a blog dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of maternal and newborn health, as well as various issues surrounding motherhood and women. Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan moms here. Connect with Mummy Tales on: YOU TUBE l FACEBOOK l INSTAGRAM l TWITTER 

The Nervous Mom I was in my 20’s, vs the Confident Mom I am Today in my 30’s

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
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0

Hello friends, today’s piece is a post from a mom in her early thirties who is a single parent, raising her 10 year-old son and her infant daughter. She shares insights into her parenting journey, and the lessons she’s learnt along the way.

“Raising kids as a single parent is one of the toughest things you can ever do. You worry about the kids alone, you provide for them alone, you take them out to have fun alone.

You make the hard life choices alone.

You shall get unsolicited advice from everywhere.

The questions of where the father is, why you are single… the judging eyes…

But I have grown with my kids. The first was an ‘oops’ baby gotten in my early 20s. I was so scared. Somewhere along the way the father left, even before baby had hit his first birthday.

The second was a planned baby and I’m enjoying every bit of parenting her.

The uncertain 20-something-year old mum was so nervous, driven by her fears, worried that I had messed up my future, that I will not be a career woman.

Now, this 30 something-year-old mum is driven by hope and big dreams.

This last month has been one of the toughest in terms of my career. I am still riding that wave. I have learnt that I’m tougher than I look or sound.

Then now I realize kids add on to your life and make you a better human; they humanize you. To my kids, I’m their sun in the sky. The mom in shining armour. To me they are my heartbeats.

Love them, for soon they shall leave you to go start their own lives. Time whizzes by so fast; you sit down and wonder where it all went. This is where memories come in. Make as many precious memories with them, sing with them in the car, act goofy. These are the things they shall remember you by. They shall grow up to be the best versions of themselves. God help me.” -END

Do you have a story you’d like to share about one of your motherhood experiences?  Write to me at maryanne@mummytales.com

Connect with Mummy Tales on YOU TUBE l FACEBOOK l INSTAGRAM l TWITTER 

*Photo: Mummy Tales file

“What I Wish I Knew as a Teenage Girl” -Esther Mbugua-Kimemia

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
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Today is Menstrual Hygiene Day and it’s quite timely because I’m currently reading the book ‘Bloom’ by fellow mom Esther Mbugua-Kimemia, a mother of two girls. Esther is a menstrual health educator and endometriosis warrior.

Soon, I’ll be sharing with you my thoughts about the book once I’ve gone through all of it. For now, what I can share is that basically, Bloom talks about menstruation, and it draws from Esther’s personal journey with her menses. Here is just a little about Esther and her book, in her words:

“After a long journey with endometriosis and the other symptoms that it comes with, I decided to share the knowledge I wish I knew as a teenage girl.

In 2016, I launched Yellow Endo Flower to help demystify period-shaming, to teach girls about periods and menstrual health, and to create awareness about endometriosis. Last year, I decided to publish a book on menstrual health- ‘Bloom’.

Esther Kimemia, menstrual health educator.

Bloom is a period book where I teach about how a period should look and feel, explore sanitary product options, and encourage girls and women to employ healthy practices about menstruation. It also teaches them about the importance of keeping a period diary.

I have come to find out that many women who menstruate do not know how a normal period should look or feel like. One of the life skills that has literally been a lifesaver for me is keeping a period diary. It has revolutionized my life and helped me be more self-aware, and notice patterns in my body and cycle.

Yellow Endo Flower engages with girls and women both online (through various social media platforms) and offline through group sessions where I conduct menstrual health training in schools and in other organized groups such as churches, moms who organize forums for their pre-teen and teen daughters, and other private meetings.”

So that’s a little about Esther and Bloom. As I continue to read her book, so far, I’d say that if you have a daughter who is just about to begin her menses, ‘Bloom’ is a book worth buying. Or even if you do not have a daughter, you most likely have a little sister, niece, cousin or family friend who is just about to begin her periods -or has just started. ‘Bloom’ would be a good gift for them.

By the way, my friend’s daughter began her menses at 9 years earlier this month. Nine years! But I have since been informed that nowadays, a significant number of 10-year-olds have already received their first period. In my days, we began at around 14 – 16 years, no?

If you’d like to get in touch with Esther, you can do so through the email: yellowendoflower@gmail.com

If you’d like to get a copy of her book, you can call Rosemary on 0731 224 223 or the author, Esther on 0746 622 833. The book costs Sh500. Courier charges apply accordingly.

Also See: “My Journey with Extremely Painful Periods -TV Presenter Ciru Muriuki”

You May Also Like: Questions you Need to Ask When Interviewing a House Girl

Mummy Tales is a blog dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of maternal and newborn health, as well as various issues surrounding motherhood and women. Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan moms here. Follow Mummy Tales on: FACEBOOK l INSTAGRAM l TWITTER 

Esther’s photos by artsy belabela

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