Last week here on the Mummy Tales blog, we shared a parenting dilemma about a teenage girl who was struggling after realizing she was being excluded from conversations and activities by the close-knit group of friends she had grown up with. If you missed it, you can read it here: When your teen loses her close friends: helping her cope with friendship grief. The article also featured the expert opinion of a counselling psychologist, Mrs. Beatrice Nguo. The story resonated with so many readers.
After reading the article, one woman reached out to share her own experience anonymously. As a child, she left her village to join boarding school and, in the process, slowly lost the close friendships that had shaped her early years. Looking back decades later, she reflects on the wonderful childhood memories, heartbreak, homesickness, the love that carried her through, and the unexpected blessings that emerged from one of the most painful seasons of her childhood.
This is her story.
By Maryanne W. Waweru I maryanne@mummytales.com
“Friendship grief is real and even during our time, we went through the same but maybe it was managed differently.
When I joined boarding school, some of my closest childhood village friends gradually drifted away from me. I will call them my ‘tucūrūriga’, a beautiful Kimeru word used with affection for my beautiful girlfriends.
We grew up together in the village, singing in the Sunday School choir and sharing the simple joys of childhood. Those were beautiful days filled with laughter, friendship, and a strong sense of community.
One of my treasured memories was serving at village weddings. As Sunday School children, we had a special privilege: we would sing and dance as we presented the bride and groom with a simple gift –a kerosene lamp to light their new home.
For us children, that gift was more than a lamp. It was our connection to the celebrations and our way of blessing a new marriage. It was also my “free ticket” to attend weddings, because children were normally not allowed to follow adults to such occasions. Since I was part of the group presenting the Sunday School gift, and the one handing over the gift to the bride and groom, my mum allowed me to go and shine.
Our wedding songs were full of humour, wisdom, and innocent childhood joy. We would tease the bride with songs such as:
“Bride, don’t just make your husband tea every morning, make him an ‘overtime’ drink!” Ovaltine (energy and stamina).
And another playful line:
“Don’t wash your husband’s clothes with ordinary bar soap, wash them with blue Omo!”
The whole gathering would laugh, and we children felt proud to be part of those special moments.
Shifting childhood friendships
When my tucūrūriga drifted away from me after I joined boarding school, I lost more than friendships. I lost those beautiful occasions, the singing, the dancing, and the feeling of belonging. It hurt so much that I stopped going to church and avoided weddings because they reminded me of what had changed.
I joined boarding school at the age of 10, while in standard 4. Due to leaving my friends behind, I dropped in my studies, which brought me shame. I was homesick. I cried lots especially during opening days and this could go on for weeks in school.
However, looking back now, I see that life was making room for something new.
During that season, my dad and mum became my closest friends. They gave me love, guidance, and companionship when I needed it most. Their support helped me adjust to a new chapter of my life. If it were not for the intentional support from my parents and teachers, I would easily have dropped from school.
My sister on the other hand did not make it through the loss of her friends. She dropped out of a boarding school, which brought her distraction and her life took a different turn. She did not make it through her academics, something she regrets to date.
Meanwhile, boarding school also brought new friendships. I met friends from neighbouring villages: Mariene, Nyweri, Karine, Rwanderi, Nkubu, gaiti Ka’ Rami Mujwaa and ruguru rwa’ rami, kithongo and Kithirune. Nthimbiri, Kanyakine, Egoji, Mwimbi, Miriga mieru, Tigania and Igembe. Don’t forget also city friends who brought the vibe of Micheal Jackson moves to a village girl and they became part of my journey and helped me discover that new seasons come with new people.
With time, I realized that my path and the path of my tucūrūriga became very different. Some of them underwent female circumcision and later entered early marriages before completing their education. My journey through boarding school gave me a different environment and opportunities that shaped my future in ways I could not have imagined as a child.
One of my tucūrūriga, has since gone to be with the Lord. When I remember her today, I choose to remember the beautiful parts of our childhood, the songs, the laughter, the weddings, and the friendship we shared before life took us in different directions.
Life has taught me that not every painful experience is a punishment. Sometimes what feels like rejection is actually redirection. Sometimes a closed door protects us and opens another door we never expected.
I’m grateful for my parents, who became my friends; for the gift of education; for the friendships I gained along the way; and even for the friendships that taught me lessons through their absence.
To my tucūrūriga, wherever life has taken them, I thank them for being part of my childhood story. The memories we created will always remain a treasured part of who I am.” -END
Thank you so much, dear reader for your openness in sharing such a personal and emotional story. I believe your reflections will encourage many others who may be navigating the pain of changing friendships and new beginnings. Thanks for sharing your journey with fellow Mummy Tales readers.
Have you ever experienced the loss of a close childhood friendship? How did it shape your life? I’d love to hear your story. You can share your experience by sending me an inbox message on Facebook here, or you could email me: maryanne@mummytales.com You can be featured anonymously if you so prefer. Your reflections may encourage another parent or another young person walking a similar journey. I look forward to hearing from you.
Mummy Tales by Maryanne W. Waweru is a platform dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of womanhood and motherhood. Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan moms here. Connect with Mummy Tales on: FACEBOOK l YOU TUBE l TWITTER
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