Pearls of Wisdom: Pieces of Advice to my Son (4)
Mums, what pieces of advice will you give to your children as they grow up? Iddah Membo shares the tidbits of wisdom she’ll share with her son Ian.
Remembering My Childhood Easter Holidays
It’s Easter, yaaaay!
How do you remember your Easter holidays as a kid?
For me, one of the clear memories I have is watching this movie on KBC about Jesus’ death and resurrection. I don’t remember it’s title, but it used to play on Good Friday and again on Easter Monday. Forget that KBC would play the same movie year in year out, but each time I watched it, it was as though I was watching it for the first time. The movie used to make me cry because I would feel so sorry for Jesus. I used to watch it with my two brothers and I would always try my best not to tear because they would mock me for not being ‘stunya’. But how could I not shed tears because surely those people really used to mistreat Jesus so much yet he was so good to them! What wrong did he ever do 
?
Photo: dreamstime.com
Anyway, the other memory I have is of watching the KBC news bulletin and seeing people carry the cross and get beaten along the way –emulating what Jesus went through. I remember clearly that this used to happen in Phillipines and those people would have a crown of thorns on their head and their bodies would be so bloodied. Then after carrying the cross and being jeered along the way, they would be ‘crucified’ like Jesus. I never understood why they would go through that –even having their palms and feet pierced, just like Jesus. That pain why now? By the way, can somebody tell me if those guys used to be pierced for real ama it was just for show? Like the way I always thought WWF (wrestling) was for real until I later on (very disappointedly) got to learn that it was all an act.
And then, my childhood Easter was always synonymous with the Safari Rally, a.k.a Saffo!! Weuweeeee!
There was no Easter for us if there was no saffo. Ehh, si we used to look forward to the news bulletins (again) just to see our favorite racers. Akina Sheka Metta (sp), Bjorn Waldegard, Joginder Singh, Juha Kankunen, Hanu Micola (sp) and ofcourse Patrick Njiru and all the others I’ve forgotten. And then it always rained over Easter so I used to enjoy seeing how the drivers raced in those muddy pools, splashing dirty muddy water all over. It was during this season that we would go ahead to make our own Safari Rally cars, made from discarded milk packets, discarded Kimbo, Blue Band and Cowboy tins, with the more sophisticated cars made from wires and blada (can’t remember the English word for blada). And then the wheels of this cars would be made from old slippers. May I confess that I was an expert in making these toy cars 
? Hehehe, I was a tomboy for sure. Blame it on growing up with two brothers. My sister was waaaay older than me so I never really got to be in her play group and play those girlie games.
Yeah, that’s how I remember my childhood Easters. What about you, how do you remember yours? And I wonder, how will our kids remember Easter? How will your kids remember Easter?
And as you celebrate Easter, remember to give thanks for the many blessings in your life: your family, friends, your health, life….
Photo: dreamstime.com
Have a lovely Easter and wish you God’s blessings.
Of Girlfriends and Another Birthday Party
Last Sunday, I attended a birthday party for a little boy who was turning 1. Sean is his name. Let me tell you how about Sean and his birthday.
Now, Sean’s mum is my pal and we used to hang out a lot together a few years ago, during mkondo wa mwisho. What is mkondo wa mwisho you ask? Mkondo wa mwisho is the year my girlfriends and I went all out painting the town red, for it was the year we turned 30. It was our last lap as twenty-something year olds, and being the ladies that we are, our big three-oh wasn’t gonna pass uncelebrated. We were not gonna turn 30 holding our chins in our hands wondering where our youth went and wallowing about it.
Every woman has her own way of turning 30 – some do so silently, some prefer to be in denial, while some do so wildly. Clearly you know what category my girls and I fall under. My pal Kobie and her gals are doing the mkondo wa mwisho round now, and I keep hearing her excitedly mention a trip to Coasto later this month. She keeps going on and on about how they’ll all be turning 30 this year in style, and I just can’t help but smile and cheer her on, largely because she reminds me of myself a couple of years ago. Madam Kobie and your girl crew –do have a blast as you close the twenty chapter.
So anyway, Mama Sean was part of my girl crew, and if there is someone who is good company, it is Mama Sean. She can really liven up a party with her witty humor and accompanying animated gestures. Now combine this with the likes of Emily, Alice, Irene, Jodes, Joan, Miriam, Anne and its just explosive. Kaboom!!
We spent Sean’s birthday reminiscing old times, how we used to ‘get down’, but how our bones seem to be failing us nowadays as any attempts to ‘get down’ finds us down on the floor –literally –and unable to get up unless assisted.
Meeennnn, did I have a good laugh or what? It was nice catching up with these ladies, and even better laughing at how we’ve ‘so aged’. There is nothing better I tell you than adding years onto your life, enjoying every minute of it and having a good laugh about it. And ofcourse, giving thanks to God for it all.
Truth be told, it had been a minute since I had that kind of fun –what with being a new mom and all.
Yeah, so that’s how last Sunday went.
Oh snap! Uuuummm, wasn’t this post was supposed to be about Sean and HIS birthday? Oh dear, happy birthday Sean! Hhmm, I guess then it’s true that one year old birthday parties are hardly ever about the baby, but the baby’s parents and their guests?
Pregnancy Nutrition (part 2): Foods to Avoid While Pregnant
This is a follow up post to the one I did about Pregnancy nutrition: Foods to eat while pregnant.
Today, Nutritionist Catherine Kathure shares insights on unsuitable foods during pregnancy.
MT: What are the foods to avoid while pregnant?
CK: Specifically, there is no food that is harmful during pregnancy. However, the mode of preparation and the amount taken for some foods really matter and can be harmful to the pregnant mother and the unborn child. Some of the foods to avoid include raw or undercooked meat, poultry and eggs. These include processed meat. This is because they can cause food poisoning which in turn affects the growing baby.
Deli meat or processed meat as well as unpasteurized milk should be avoided as it contains Listeria, which is known to cause miscarriage. Listeria has the capability to enter the placenta and may infect the baby, causing blood poisoning or infection which is life threatening. If you have to eat processed meat, ensure you reheat thoroughly before eating.
Sea foods with high levels of mercury should be avoided as they cause brain damage and developmental delay of the baby. These foods include; shark, king mackerel, swordfish, and tilefish. N/B: The bigger and the older the fish (any fish) the more mercury they contain.
Caffeine should also be avoided during the first trimester of pregnancy as it increases the likelihood of miscarriage, premature birth, low birth weight and withdrawal symptoms in infants and it is therefore safe to stay away from caffeine. It can be taken in moderation in the second and third trimesters (less than 200 mg in a day). Caffeine is also diuretic in nature (meaning it helps the body to eradicate fluids from the body) hence; it can result to loss of water and calcium which are important for the pregnancy. It is therefore advisable to take plenty of juices or water rather than caffeine-containing beverages.
Alcohol should be also avoided during pregnancy since it interferes with healthy development of the growing baby. There is no amount that has been prescribed during pregnancy. Depending on the amount and the routine of alcohol use, it can lead to Fetal Alcohol Syndrome as well as other development disorders. If you realize you are pregnant, it is better to stop taking alcohol as well as during lactation as alcohol exposure to the baby is lethal.
Smoking and the use of other illegal drugs should completely be avoided as they have adverse effects on the development of the fetus.
Excess vitamin A should be avoided as it leads to toxicity which is teratogenic (can cause malformation of the fetus)
Heavy medication such as use of aspirin can cause blood clots.
MT: Does eating liver during pregnancy cause any harm to the unborn child?
CK: Liver is known to be a very good source of Vitamin A. vitamin A is a fat-soluble vitamin and thus any excesses in the body are harder to dispose than the water soluble ones such as vitamins B and C. Therefore excess consumption of liver may raise the levels of Vitamin A in the body thus making it toxic to the body (Vitamin A toxicity). This toxicity can lead to malformation of the baby.
However, this toxicity only occurs with retinoid (preformed vitamin A) such as the one obtained from the liver and not in carotenoid form (like the ones found in carrots). That’s probably the reason why people say liver is not good for pregnant women and not carrots, since they both supply vitamin A. In conclusion, liver itself is not bad in pregnancy but rather the amount that is consumed.
MT: Should a pregnant woman diet?
CK: No. Dieting during pregnancy is not recommended at all. This is because during pregnancy there is an increased nutrient need for both the mother and the fetus. The baby’s health and development relies upon the mother’s nutrition. Dieting affects the overall development of the baby. A pregnant woman is supposed to gain between 11 and 14 kgs (which include fetus, amniotic fluid, placenta, increased blood volume, increased uterus and breast size) most of which reduce after birth. Hence, there is absolutely no reason to diet during pregnancy.
N/B: Exercises should not be confused with dieting. Exercising in moderation depending on the stage of pregnancy is important as it helps the mother to be strong and easy delivery.
Best wishes to all the pregnant moms.
Nutritionist Catherine Kathure can be reached on cate2010@gmail.com
images: dreamstime.com
Kami Munderu: Former Model turned Work-at-Home-Mompreneur
Today, MUMMY TALES has a chat with Kami Munderu, mother to a 6 month old baby girl. Kami, a former model, is now a work-at-home-mom. From the comfort of her house, she runs her entrepreneurial online shop: Baby House.
MT: Tell us a little bit about yourself.
KM: I am known as Kami which is short of Mukami. I am engaged to the most awesome partner life can give and we are parents to our little girl called Gabrielle. We call her Gabi.
I have always been pro-business and the thought of looking for a job would always hit me – but i’d hit it right back to where it came from! My mum is a nurse but she still finds time to do business on the side. I am the last born; my elder sister is also employed and still doing business as a side hustle. So I guess the business gene runs in the family.
MT: What did you do before launching your own business?
KM: Before Baby House, I was a model cum fashion stylist for a local magazine. I enjoyed my job but with baby on the way, I had to make some changes. I had tried a few businesses here and there but didn’t quite know which one I wanted to fully pursue. It was not until baby came that I realized I want to deal in baby items.
MT: What helped you make your decision to be a work-at-home-mom?
KM: I can’t say that I ‘decided’ about that; let’s just say that God made it possible for me to be near my baby. I started Baby House from my house and it’s gradually taking care of itself. I must add that I prayed a lot about it. There is no mom who wouldn’t mind spending extra time with their babies you know…
MT: How does a typical day look like for you?
KM: My day usually starts at 7:30am as that’s when Gabi wakes up. I proceed to prepare her breakfast then feed her. When done, I then have my breakfast too.After taking a bath, Gabi is then good for some play time with Mommy or Daddy (if he isn’t too busy).I then pick up my laptop and its biashara time. If I have any deliveries to do I package the stuff and make my way to town or have someone do it for me. My hubby assists me with this, doing the deliveries for me especially if it’s on his way.
MT: Do you stick to a certain schedule or is it all determined by Gabi?
KM: My world revolves around my little angel. Sometimes she wakes up and just wants to play and play. If it was up to her I think we’d play the whole day so there are times I’m forced to hide in the bedroom and work! I don’t want disappointed clients so I have learnt to balance work and Gabi.
MT: How do friends and family view your decision to work from home/stay at home?
KM: To most of them, all I hear is “haujapata kazi bado? Uusijali, utapata”. They don’t consider my working from home employment. Our society still doesn’t appreciate or still hasn’t embraced the concept of working from home.
MT: Exactly how do you work while still take care of your daughter and do other household chores?
KM: I have recently gotten a new nanny after staying without one for about 6 months. We just never got along well with previous nannies, so I quit on them. So what I used to do was hire someone to come over and do the normal house chores (a dayscholar housegirl). However, I did all the cooking for the family and taking care of baby.
Working was an interesting juggling act because I would work while holding Gabi with one hand, typing with the other and still playing with her- talk about multitasking! My hubby, Alex, was especially very supportive during this time, and has always been there for me.
MT: What is the most challenging thing about working from home?
KM: Doing deliveries can be quite challenging since, just like me, not everyone can give directions quite well so you end up getting lost so many times. Sometimes a client wants to personally come see and test the stuff I’m selling, and though I understand the fear, I can’t have all sorts of people coming to my house to see and test stuff. People have to embrace the times we are in, times of shopping online are here!
Also, having to ignore Gabi when I’m working really makes me feel bad.
MT: The good parts?
KM: Flexibility!
MT: You mentioned something about not getting along with previous housegirls. How was that?
KM: Horrible! When I had my first housegirl, I was 8 months pregnant. I was used to having my kitchen treated with utmost cleanliness. So I kept going to the kitchen to check how she was cleaning my utensils and how she was wiping my stuff….let’s just say that I had my session with OCD.
I once had a housegirl who came and left the following day just because I couldn’t take how she cooked and cleaned in the 24hours she was there. I sometimes feel guilty that I didn’t give some of them a chance to learn and prove themselves. It’s a valuable lesson that I’ve since learnt. My new housegirl is really nice and she loves baby. Most of the times, it just boils to the relationship with baby.
MT: What is the best part about being a mum?
KM: Is there really a best part? All are awesome but having someone love you the way a child loves you cannot compare to anything else in this world.
MT: What is the most important piece of advice you’ll give your daughter?
KM: Simple; to love God and thyself.
MT: Advice to any mom contemplating quitting their career to stay / work from home?
Do some research about what you want to do, go in full armed incase of anything and most importantly, pray about it.
Sunday Church Service at ICC West Campus
So last Sunday, we went to church.
Not that it’s the first time we were going to fellowship with fellow brethren, no. I mention this particular time because it was a new experience for us – I upgraded Kitty to the next Sunday school class (for lack of a better reference).
We fellowship at ICC West campus, and we do the 10am service. While Baba Kitty proceeds to attend the service in the main hall, Kitty and I sit at the crèche, which is a little cubicle that hosts moms and their babies aged between 0 – 6 months.
Now, I do love the crèche or do I LOVE the crèche!
I love it for various reasons, in this particular order:
– Moms are offered hot milk in a thermos –with the option of making tea, coffee or drinking chocolate. Now, if you’re breastfeeding, this is exactly what you need! So I love crèche because I’m always number one in making myself some tea. You see, most of the time we leave the house in a hurry because we’re always running late, and I often leave having only had my breakfast quarter-way. So it’s always wonderful to enjoy the worship and the sermon while sipping on the tea while biting on the cookie previously secretly stashed in the diaper bag.
– There are comfortable sofa sets at the back of the room, which are just right for sitting and holding and nursing baby in. But while on these sofas, I have to work extra hard at making sure I don’t doze off. Because everyone knows that new moms are up for the better part of the night (and day), so any opportunity to doze is most welcome. I don’t want to be snoring and drooling while fellow new moms are trying to listen to the gospel surely.
– The doors/big windows in the crèche are transparent. Meaning you can see who’s in church today (and what they’re wearing). It’s always nice seeing people I know and who I haven’t seen in a long time (like Sheh Muchiri, Dorothy Kittany-Onyango and Sharon Wanjohi).
– The crèche is downstairs, right at the entrance to the main church, meaning there are no stairs to climb. Yaaay!
So, as you may or may not be aware, Kitty is 10 months old. Meaning he outgrew crèche 3 months ago. I have been so comfortable in the crèche that I didn’t wanna move some place else. I loved the crèche so much I didn’t wanna know what was out there. So after listening to Mwarikhwa encouraging me to upgrade Kitty, I reluctantly did so last Sunday (with two babies she has all the experience and knows best).
So this next class is called the nursery class, and it hosts kids aged between 6 months – 1.5 years. The perfect fit for Kitty.
So when I stepped into the room, I first looked around. No flask of hot milk. I panicked. I cast my eyes around the room again. No sofa set with comfy cushions. Waaaah! Haiya, leave alone a sofa set – there was NO seat at all. But there was a triple-decker bed/cot at the corner of the room. For the sleepy kids I guess, not for the sleepy moms.
So I sat myself on the carpeted floor and held Kitty waiting to see what happens in this new class.
As I was thinking of what happens next in this new class, Kitty began wriggling, struggling to free himself from my hold. He was aiming for the center of the room.
Now, at the center of the room were sprinkled all manner of colorful and glittering toys. I watched his eyes grow larger by the minute, the excitement of what he was seeing hard to contain. At the center of the room were also some cute little baby girls all dolled up in pink and yellow who were playing with the toys. Actually, I’m not sure if it’s the toys he was really interested in or if it’s the little girls. Anyway, I released him and let him play.
And it was lovely watching him play with other kids. I started evaluating his social interaction skills, how he relates with his peers and was impressed.
And that’s when it occurred to me that I had been giving Kitty a really raw deal.
While I had been busy enjoying the tea and the cookies and the comfortable sofa and the transparent windows at the crèche, I had been denying him the opportunity to hang out with his agemates.
So I’m glad we attended nursery class and I can assure you that when it’s time to upgrade him to the next group, I’ll definitely do so.
And while we’re still on matters ICC, ningependa kutuma salamu kwa Pastor George Nuthu who married us. And Pastor William Odero who was the main facilitator during our premarital classes. Very helpful classes those were by the way.
God bless you all.
Baby Moon Giveaway Prize For a Pregnant Mom
The first time I heard of a baby moon was I think in 2008 when a friend mentioned something of the sort. But it entered through one ear and quickly exited through the other. It was just one of those things that were too complex for me to understand. Besides, I was too preoccupied calling up my girls for ‘plot’ to be thinking anything baby.
Anyway, now is when I’m beginning to understand exactly what a baby moon is. There’s a time for everything, they say. So what is a baby moon you ask?
A baby moon is a vacation that an expectant mom takes just before her baby is born. A time for pre-baby relaxing and rejuvenation before that little bundle of joy joins the mix.
It can be a romantic getaway for expecting parents-to-be, a time for them to bond together and be free from all drama of their everyday living as they prepare for the baby. The couple spends this time reconnecting and taking time to talk about the pregnancy, the baby and the plans for the future –all in a serene and relaxed atmosphere.
Ofcourse, the couple may discuss these issues in the house (while one of them is watching prime time news and reading the newspaper at the same time, while the other is furiously typing away at a keyboard –or is it playing angry birds). But it’s not the same as talking about it by the beach as you listen to the cascading waves, enjoying the cool breeze of the ocean, or listening to the sweet harmony of the chirping birds and the swaying trees as you sip on an ice-cold refreshment with your loved one as you breathe the fresh, succulent air of tranquility (heh, at this rate I should try my hand at poetry).
A baby moon though doesn’t always have to be a romantic getaway. The expectant mom can choose to go with her sister, mom, cousin or good friend – someone close to her and who won’t mind hanging out with a pregnant woman and helping her relax before baby arrives.
Today’s times are different from those of yester years, as many are busy busy busy like bees. Many moms are career moms whose everyday lives are filled with meetings and reports and presentations and deadlines and traffic and studies and exams and side biasharas and all that hustle and bustle. Her weekends are filled with salon appointments, Chama, Lamaze classes, weddings, committee meetings, shopping on Biashara street, korogaing at Toi market, doing grocery shopping, visiting family.….all this leaving her little time for her needed R&R.
And this is where the baby moon comes in. A time for her to ‘just be still’ and take time to reflect on the pregnancy journey that is.
When I was pregnant with Kitty, I didn’t think about a baby moon. I think if I had thought about it, I definitely would have gone on one. I would have gone with Baba Kitty, and we would have bonded and taken time to discuss many things about my bump and our baby. And we would have done so while sipping on our favorite drink – ice-cold Litchi juice.
There’s always a next time anyway, God willing.
So if you’re an expectant mom and you have the means and time to go on a baby moon, I would suggest you do so by all means.
Better yet, you can be a lucky winner because I’m giving away a baby moon getaway prize to one Mummy Tales reader. The lucky expectant mom will spend 2 nights for 2 at one of the cottages at The Great Rift Valley Lodge and Golf Resort. All this courtesy of FunKidz.
If you are an expectant mom, what do you have to do to win this getaway?
– Provide Mummy Tales with a recent full-length photo of yourself
– Write a short description of your pregnancy experience (200 words or less)
– Provide your contact details
– Submit the above on the Mummy Tales Facebook page
Submit these details before Sunday 18th March 2012 on the Mummy Tales Facebook page.
Beginning Monday 19th March 2012, get your friends to ‘Like’ your photo on the Mummy Tales Facebook page. This voting (or ‘Liking’)will close on Sunday 25th March 2012.
The lady with the most ‘Likes’ on her photo will win the prize. So get your friends voting, and remember to tell them to ‘Like’ the Mummy Tales Facebook page first.
Best wishes from me
*Competition open to those in Kenya only.
*Giveaway caters for accommodation only.
The Day Me and Other Mums Were Conned by One of Our Own
A couple of weeks ago, there was this story on the Kenyan internets about a certain woman who had conned fellow moms. Did you hear about it? Maybe you did, maybe you didn’t. Me, I definitely heard about it. Infact, not only did I hear about it, but I experienced it. I was a conee. Yes, I was one of the conned moms.
Pull your stool closer I tell you about it.
So what happened is this lady told us (we being moms in a certain facebook group) that her son had passed away due to a chronic illness, and that she was in dire straits trying to settle the bill accumulated by her late son. That the hospital was relentlessly pursuing her night and day, demanding that she pay the bill. They were not giving her any breathing space.
We cried with this mom. We mourned with her. We prayed for her. How insensitive of the hospital, we lamented. Couldn’t they be abit more compassionate with a grieving mom? Wasn’t there a more humane way they could go about it instead of subjecting her to such harassment, we asked ourselves.
Photo: Dreamstime.com
She regularly posted updates on how sad she felt on the loss of her son, who was about 5 or 6 years old. And many moms felt this loss with her. Moms who had personally experienced the deaths of their own children cried with her, they comforted her. They opened up about their loss and the emotions they went through, and we cried with them too. We all felt their pain.
This woman shared a photo of her and her late son. He was a beautiful boy. His life cut short prematurely. Gone too soon, we said. He had suffered a long, slow and painful death. Very sad. But it was the will of God we all concluded.
Due to the accumulating bills, her friends decided to help her out. A harambee was set for the first week of March. Anyone who had something to give could do so.
One time she updated us on how she went to visit her son at his grave. It was very emotional. Oh, the heartfelt condolences and the outpouring of messages. We could only imagine her grief.
Then suddenly, in mid February, the bereaved woman informed us that the hospital could not wait for her to raise the money any longer. They could not wait until March, when she would settle the bill after the harambee. That she was going to be auctioned the following day because she was unable to raise the required deposit to forestall the impending auction.
This was indeed a very sad situation. The poor woman had not even finished wiping the tears off her face, and now she was gonna be thrown out of her house? They say when it rains, it pours. The rain was really beating down on this woman.
So one mom, touched by the bereaved mom’s plight appealed to the moms in the facebook group to help out a fellow mom.
It was requested that if anyone was in a position to help, to chip in something, however small. And lots of money was raised. She received the money via mobile money transfer. And the bereaved mom kept saying thank you, and that we were very kind and generous and that God will bless us all. That our baskets never run out of flour. We were glad to help. It could happen to anyone. Tomorrow could be you.
Anyway the long and short of the story is that there was no dead son. Infact, the son was VERY alive and healthy. He was attending school normally, playing as usual with his friends and doing all the usual things kids his age do. A jolly little boy who had no idea he was ‘dead’. The boy in the photo was not deceased. We were shocked beyond words.
There were no hospital bills. There were no auctioneers. There was no grave. She had shed no tears. Maybe just smiles as she received our money.
She had ‘killed’ her son for a few coins.
Image: Dreamstime.com
When cornered, her defense was that she needed that money for rent, food and school fees.
But my issue is not even about the money. That one is gone, no holds barred.
I just wonder at the emotional roller-coaster this woman took me and other fellow moms through. And just to think of the opened wounds that moms who had lost their babies went through, sharing their own experiences and offering her words of encouragement. The raw emotions that they expressed as they talked about the deaths of their bundles of joy. The intense feelings they felt and continue to feel on the loss of their babies. The pain and the struggle to wake up to a new day, knowing that their child is no longer with them. The loss of a child is not easy to go through, and neither is it easy to talk about. It takes surmountable courage to do so.
I wonder what was going through this woman’s mind as she read their messages of comfort to her. And when she said she understood what they were feeling, what did she mean?
What I donno is whether this woman did this for the sake of providing for her son, or if she did it for her own good.
And if she did it for her son, it got me thinking – to what extent would you do anything for your child? I have heard of women who have stolen to feed their kids. Women who have done jobs or engaged in professions they never imagined they would all for the sake of their kids. Women who have had liaisons or relationships they would rather forget about or do all they can to keep it secret, all for the sake of providing for their kids. And now, a woman who ‘killed’ her son for the same.
Photo: Dreamstime.com
Then again, maybe we moms are such a gullible lot who can easily be taken advantage of because we apparently tend to think with our emotions especially where matters children are concerned. Maybe this is true. But just like a fellow (conned) mom asked –if someone tells you they’ve lost their child and they need a little mchango to settle the deceased’s hospital bill, do you ask them to produce the death certificate first before you give your Ksh 200 contribution?
Anyway, so that’s what happened.
My New Fitness Regime
In recent days, I have been doing some serious workouts.
Nowadays, you give Kitty something –he throws it straight to the floor pap! He picks up anything and drops it immediately. He comes across anything on the table –newspapers, pens, headphones….he gives them all a swipe and down they go hurtling or crushing down to the floor. I pick things up and hand them back to him –and he throws them back on the floor. The most notorious object is the TV remote. He enjoys seeing it on the floor. He is allergic to it being anywhere but on the floor. And spoons and cups and plates and toys too. If he’s not banging them together (the remote + the spoons + the cups + the toys), he is sending them down. And when I hand them back to him –even before I have time to blink, the items are back on the floor again.
Initially, I used to think that maybe his grasp wasn’t good enough and that’s why the objects kept dropping onto the floor. But the more I handed them back to him, the more he still threw them down. Then I studied his face and realized that each time he had something in his hand, he intentionally threw it down. He was doing so purposefully. I noticed that he enjoyed seeing what exactly happened to the object when it left his hands -when it hit the ground. If it rolled away, I would see his lips parting ways and forming a smile. If it bounced, he would curiously follow it with his gaze. If it remained fixed on the ground, he would look at it with a stunned look, perhaps wondering what was wrong with it because it was not bouncing or rolling away. Then he would look up at me with a fascinated look that said: “Next item mommy!”
And being the diligent mommy that I am, I always pick the dropped items again and again and again and again….. But the back pains nazo? Eish! I always feel as though my back is snapping each time I pick up after him. And what about my knees from all the bending? That’s just how fit I am.
Each time I pick what he’s dropped, his eyes always seem to be telling me: “Mummy, you’re so cool because I see you’re also enjoying this game!”
Ati game? Really Kitty? And here I am thinking that you’re totally driving me crazy!
But nowadays I’ve gotten used to it and the pick-up-bend-all-the-time workouts are not as tiring anymore. Infact I don’t even notice the millions of times I do so.
Infact, on the brighter side, atleast he’s giving me the workout –it’s the closest to the gym I’ll ever get (when are they announcing the next call for Slimpossible?). Meanwhile, Kitty let’s continue playing this game. Maybe I am digging it afterall:)
Now Kitty could you please throw that remote as far as you can so that I can pick it up already?
The Day I Found Out my House Girl was HIV Positive
Living with an HIV Positive Nanny. Over the last couple of weeks, the issue of a house girl’s health has been coming up in many a conversation in my circles –at work, in my chama, on twitter, on Facebook, in church, on FM stations… and that’s why I decided to do a post about it.
Specifically, a house girls’ HIV status. Some of the issues that have been raised include:
- Is it okay for you to make a prospective house girl undergo some certain medical tests before you employ her? Does this infringe on her rights?
- Or, if she has a persistent cough –is it okay to make her undergo a HIV test, or a TB test as you suspect the worst (you’re paying for it anyway)?
- Is it okay for you to occasionally go through her stuff in her handbag or suitcase in search of I-don’t-know-what (most likely ARVs or TB drugs)? And what would you do if you indeed found the drugs that you were searching for? Would this scare you enough to fire her immediately or would you keep her on? And if you decide to fire her, does this constitute discrimination?
And the responses to these questions have been many. But they have almost all been the same.
Many parents, both moms and dads with young children wouldn’t think twice about hiring or keeping on a HIV positive house girl. They would let her go immediately. That even though the house girl were good with her work, they would just let her go, ‘na sio kwa ubaya’.
They say that they just cannot take any chances where their kids, their most precious possessions are concerned. “Accidents can happen anytime…you just never know…,” many say.
And when the issue of human rights and discrimination come up, I have heard: “Theoretically we know what the law says, but when it comes down to practice, that’s different. The risk is too much…my child comes first then the law and human rights or whatever else follow.”
TABITHA ONYINGE, a mother of three had a personal experience with a HIV positive house girl and she shares that experience.
“Faith, in her late 20s, was brought to me by a friend. She was a light skinned heavily built lady who had been living with her elder sister in the Mathare neighbourhood, which is a low-income settlement in Nairobi. Faith was separated from her husband at the time of our meeting. Being an orphan, she married early to escape the hardships she faced at home, but the marriage did not work out.
The then single mother of a four-year-old daughter came to work for me in early September 2000, in my last few weeks of pregnancy. Other than the spots on her skin, you could not suspect a thing about her failing health. She was also poor of hearing. Her work was super, although she was quite slow.
A month after having my baby, Faith developed Herpes Zoster. For one week, I nursed her at home after taking her for treatment. She was weak, but maintained her good sense of humour.
My sister, a medic, who had all along suspected that Faith’s immunity was suppressed (polite medical reference to a person with HIV), was now almost certain that Faith was HIV positive, and already having AIDS. She ran me through the risks of having a HIV-infected person as a minder of my baby, talking about possible infections such as TB or HIV. A decision had to be made quickly. My husband left it all to me.
My first move was to ask Faith if she knew anything about her illness. She opened up and shared with me a detailed history of her HIV status; including details of when and how she might have been infected.
Ohhh, her story was sad. She suspected that a neighbour of her sister, who had abused her while in her teenage years, could have infected her with the virus. She did not think it was her ex-husband. Her daughter was also HIV positive.
I have to confess that I had loved Faith from the first time I met her. She was soft spoken, obedient, kind hearted, trustworthy and submissive. She also had good knowledge of motherhood and child raising, and would give me advice from time to time. (She is the one who informed me that I was in labour, when I had no clue about what was happening to me). She carried herself so maturely, like an elder sister.
After our talk, Faith volunteered to leave if I felt uncomfortable having her around. That almost tore my heart apart. But again, I had to think about my family – my adorable newborn baby boy, my husband and myself. Anything could happen accidentally in the kitchen or anywhere else. Faith understood my anxiety.
I had noticed that Faith was very careful with everything she handled, including the laundry. She, for instance, never mixed her clothes with ours. She had not started taking care of the baby yet, but she would soon have to, as I was returning to work any time. Making a decision was hard. I struggled and battled, but in the end, I decided to keep her. How could I send her away when she was this good to us?
We talked about the risks involved in having her around, and came up with ways to manage the baby and the family. She was not to kiss or bathe, or perform any kind of first aid that involved blood, on the baby.
She was to be careful not to cut or bruise herself or let her blood come in contact with any article that we used to feed. The rules were many. She understood and adhered to them. I washed my baby after work, and prepared his feed before leaving home to reduce risks.
By the way, Faith was strongly built and did not lose weight, even after the Herpes infection. Other than the black spots all over her body, she would have migraines regularly. Remember ARVs were not available then, so she was not on any medication for AIDS.
One day I came home from work and found her having a bad migraine. We bought the usual painkillers, which calmed the headache for a few hours only. This went on for two days before I decided to take her to the doctor. After examining her, the doctor called me aside and advised me to send Faith to her family immediately.
“Do not even return with her to your house. If possible, put her on a bus from here,” the doctor said.
I heeded to that advice. Faith’s nephew traveled with her to Ahero, that very evening. A day later, her sister called to say that Faith had passed out at the Ahero bus stop after alighting from the bus, and was pronounced dead in hospital less than 30 minutes later. I was sad. I still feel sad remembering her and how she died. Faith had worked for us for one year.“
Also see Martha’s Story ’13 Years with Our Housegirl’
You may Also Like: 12 Questions to Ask when Interviewing a House Girl
And that is Tabitha’s story. What’s your story? Would you retain your house girl if you found out she was HIV positive? (See other reader’s views on this in the comments section below. They are very insightful).
You can also read more insightful articles about house girls here
Mummy Tales by Maryanne W. Waweru is a platform dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of womanhood and motherhood. Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan moms here. Connect with Mummy Tales on: FACEBOOK l YOU TUBE l TWITTER
