Alice Kibagendi with her late daughter baby Amara Bosibori Kibagendi.
Do you know the story behind the Amara Initiative? It is the story of baby Amara -a very sweet and bubbly baby who choked while being fed by the house girl in March 2012. She was only six months old. Following Amara’s death, her mother -the beautiful Alice Kibagendi set up ‘The Amara Initiative’ with the goal of training as many caregivers as possible on the basics of First Aid, because First Aid on many occasions is the difference between life and death. Read the full story here.
This coming Saturday 5 March 2016, the Amara Initiative will hold a basic First Aid training. I encourage you to have your house girl trained on the same. Even though baby Amara is gone, her legacy lives on through the hundreds of lives she continues to save.
By the way, this blog has been nominated for an award in this year’s Kenyan Blog Awards (BAKE) in the Best Topical Blog category. I will appreciate if you could kindly take a minute and go over to this link, scroll down the page to category number 11 (Best Topical Blog) and vote for option b: https://mummytales.com/
Thank you!
Alice Kibagendi during my interview with her at her home last year. She’s such a good host. Served me very delicious food :).
Arunachalam Muruganantham and his wife Shanti. Photo: Dirk Gilson/Al Jazeera
This story that I have come across on Al Jazeera has absolutely captured my heart. It is the story of one man from India, whose simple loving gesture to his wife – which was rejected, has become the lifeline for thousands of other women. His name is Arunachalam Muruganantham, and when sixteen years ago he realized that his wife was using old rags during her period because she couldn’t afford sanitary pads, he was so shocked that he decided to make sanitary pads for her.
That was easy. He bought a roll of cotton wool and cut it into pieces, the same size as the pads sold in the shops, and then wrapped a thin layer of cotton around it. He then gave it to his wife and asked her to test it. He wasn’t quite prepared for her reaction. She said the pad was useless and she would rather continue using old rags.
Not one to give up too soon, he began experimenting with different materials to make the pads, but unfortunately, he would have to wait a whole month till his wife’s next period. That was too long a wait, and so he decided to take a different approach. He got other women to test his new pad designs. But yet another problem arose. Some of the women who tested his pads were too shy to give him detailed feedback.
Frustrated, he decided to try something new – literally. He decided to test the sanitary pads himself. He made an artificial uterus using a rubber bladder, filled it with animal blood and fixed it to his hip. A tube led from the artificial uterus to the sanitary pad in his underpants. While walking and cycling, he would keep pressing the bladder, thus stimulating the ‘menstrual flow’.
But within 20 minutes, he would be stinking, and his clothes were blood-stained. Animal blood. Definitely a foul smell. Everyone around him began talking. It was clear to his neighbors that he was either ill or perverted. Perhaps even more heartbreaking is when, tired of the constant gossip, his wife left him and went to live with her mother. She thought that by leaving him, he would come back to his senses. He did not. 20 days after she left, he was issued with a divorce notice.
But Muruganantham didn’t give up. He knew why he was going through all this. During his research, he had learned that only 10 – 20% of all girls and women in India have access to proper menstrual hygiene products. This was no longer just about helping his wife. He wanted to produce affordable pads for low-income girls and women.
It would be two years before he would finally found the right material, and another four years before he developed a way to process it. The result was an easy-to-use machine for producing low-cost sanitary pads. Imported machines cost over US$500,000. Muruganantham’s machine, by contrast, is priced at US$950. Now women’s groups or schools can buy his machine, produce their own sanitary pads and sell the surplus. In this way, his machine has created jobs for women in rural India. He has started a revolution in his own country, selling 1,300 machines to 27 states, and has recently begun exporting them to developing countries all over the world.
Today he is one of India’s most well-known social entrepreneurs and TIME magazine named him one of the 100 most influential people in the world in 2014.
Several corporations have offered to buy his machine, but he has refused, instead preferring to sell to women’s self-help groups. And yes, he became reunited with his wife again!
What an inspirational story! Lots of lessons to learn for us all.
This is the story of 12 year-old Elijah Lemayian who was denied admission in a primary school that he had instantly fallen in love with -on account of his HIV positive status. That this kind of stigma happens in this day and age is saddening. But it does happen, that I am not shocked about. Elijah and his mother Evelyn have access to the media; thousands of other HIV positive children and their parents do not. They have neither the voice nor the confidence to stand up to the institutions that are the schools that discriminate them.
Unfortunately, society still discriminates against individuals such as Elijah and Evelyn. But, who is this society? Aren’t we part of this society? Isn’t society you and I? What are you doing to end this kind of discrimination?
It is inevitable that most mothers will at some point during their new motherhood journey have to express breast milk – either manually or with a breast pump. Even for those moms who are with their babies 24-7, at some point they may need to express some breast milk. Here are some of the reasons why expressing is necessary for new moms:
1. Premature or Unwell Baby
This is when baby is born prematurely, or when, despite being full-term, baby has a medical condition and has to stay in hospital as they get better. During this time, the mother may need to come in to the hospital (if she has already been discharged) during the day and express milk for baby to consume during the night hours when she is not there. Sometimes even when she is there admitted with baby, she may need to express milk to prevent engorgement, especially if baby is unable to suckle.
2. Trouble with Latching
This is when, hard as both mom and baby try, the latching is just not happening right, leaving both of them very frustrated (this is undoubtedly one of the most agonizing aspects of new motherhood). Her nipples end up being cracked, sore and painful, sometimes even bleeding, and the mere sound of her baby’s cry -indicating hunger, makes her cringe. So she decides to give herself a necessary nursing break to express milk which baby can then feed on.
Iddah Membo-Onyango with her son Ian. She exclusively breastfed her two sons while managing a busy full-time job.
3. Engorged Breasts!
This is when the mother is in the office or somewhere away from baby for a lengthy period of time, and she doesn’t want to suffer the risk of engorged breasts (this is usually very painful) or worse, mastitits. If you are determined to express milk while working, read these tips from career mom Iddah Membo-Onyango on how she made expressing breast milk in the office work for her.
4. Leaking Boobs
This happens when for one reason or another, the new mom’s breasts are already full and leaking -to the point where her clothes become stained. If you are a new mom and don’t have a breast pump nearby, you can just go and hand-express in the washrooms. Unfortunately that milk will have to go to waste. Very painful I know to see that liquid gold go just like that, but it’s better that than having engorged breasts or worse, mastitis.
Joy Wanja Muraya with daughter Shantelle. She juggled exclusive breastfeeding with work and her Masters degree in Public Health where she would take evening classes.
5. You are a Working Mom Determined to Exclusively Breastfeed
For working moms who are determined to exclusively breastfeed for the first six months and have to return to work after their 90-day maternity leave, they can actually start expressing and storing this milk while still on maternity leave. Expressed breast milk can stay in the freezer for up to six months. That way, she can continue expressing milk both at home and in the office so that baby will have good supply when she’s not around. Baby is fed this milk by the house girl or the responsible caregiver in the home. Sterilization is key here, so make sure you train your house girl well on this. Just like Iddah Membo, read Joy Wanja Muraya’s exclusive breastfeeding experience here. Joy is a senior health journalist currently with the Standard Newspaper.
6. Tap Running Dry
If you are breastfeeding, you may need to express milk if you notice your supply is decreasing -especially if you are keen on exclusive breastfeeding. This is because the more you express, the more milk is produced. So when baby is asleep, it would be good for you to express so that you maintain your milk flow.
So is there any other reason I may have left out? Feel free to share in the comments section below.
29 year-old Amanda Marie is mother to 5 year-old daughter Ariyana Zawadi. Amanda fell pregnant while in campus (a strictly Christian campus), and had to keep the pregnancy hidden throughout. Read on…
Maryanne: Tell us a little about yourself.
Amanda: I am a mother to an awesome daughter -my pride and joy. When not at home with Ariyana, I spend my day at work. I am the Operations Manager at a high-end clothing store based in Nairobi. I enjoy my job very much (I love the clothes, the shoes, the bags… especially the bags), and it is a great experience for me. Even though it is a challenging role, it fulfills me and I go home happy each day. And once home, I become even happier as I spend time with my daughter.
Maryanne: Tell us about the time you found out you were pregnant.
Amanda: It was not easy. I was in my final year in campus -a strictly Christian university I must mention. The campus not only upholds the principle of ‘no sex before marriage’, but it is against the campus policy to have a baby before you get married. Yes, campus policy! But I was comforted by the fact that I was dating the most handsome man in the world and I couldn’t hide my joy of having his baby. He was the first person I informed about my pregnancy.
But later, when we sat down and talked about it, I got scared because his parents are pastors. Not only that, but my parents are church elders so you can only imagine the kind of self-pressure we were in. It is perhaps because of this that I successfully managed to hide my pregnancy from my parents for the first five months. Sadly though, during this time, the relationship with my boyfriend became really strained and we split. It was just not working.
So when I realized I was going to do this alone, I finally got the courage and slipped a note into my mother’s purse. In the note, I apologized for getting pregnant before marriage and for not telling her sooner about it. When she returned home from work that evening, I was numb with fear. I was ready for anything. I then dropped the bombshell to my mum -I was pregnant!
I finally joined Instagram a few days ago (mummy_tales), and though I’m still trying to find my way around that street, there are some pretty interesting photos that I’ve been coming across. The picture above showing five generations of daughters and mothers by Demsy Gtu is one that took my breath away, literally, and hence I’m sharing it here with you.
First Daughters of 5 Generations .. My Great-Grandmum, my Grandmum, My Mum, Myself & My daughter. We are blessed people, A chosen Generation, A peculiar People.. My Great Grandmum is one woman I admire so much. Ever Since she Lost her husband (My Great-Grand Dad) in the year 1999, who died at the age of 80, My Great grandmum has kept the faith & despite all odds is still alive to enjoy the blessing of seeing her 5th Generation & that happens to be my daughter.. A rare Blessing & privilege denied to many.. It’s been God’s grace & above all his Mercy.. We thank God for bringing us this far.
Are you looking to start a daycare business in Nairobi? Have you thought about the location? The cost? City Council requirements? License? Inspection? Insurance? Employees? How much you will charge each child? Safety? Activities for the kids? Furniture? Equipment? Signage? Hours of operation? Advertising? Capital… na kadhalika.
As you ponder about this, let me inform you of the top estates to put up a daycare business in Nairobi. They are (in no particular order):
1. Madaraka/Nairobi West
2. Imara Daima
3. Doonholm
4. Buruburu
5. Kasarani
6. Kilimani
7. Langata
8. Umoja
This is according to Find a Daycare Kenya, a people that provide very helpful information about daycares in Kenya. Do you agree that these are the best estates in Nairobi to set up a daycare business?
Meanwhile, you can be reading the story of Caroline Wawira Njiru, a former air hostess and mother of two who quit her airline job to start her own daycare in Kitengela. So if you’re planning on starting one yourself, just know that it’s possible, though I would advise you to speak to other entrepreneurs who are in the same business first, as they often have very invaluable insights.
There is no doubt that a mother’s relationship with her daughter is one of the greatest influences as to how the little girl will grow up and how she will relate with other people. Your daughter will always be a reflection of you, so make sure you set the stage and lay a good foundation for her because, as you are, so she will be.
Khadija Gbla. Photo courtesy of Khadija Gbla/David Mariuz
“When I was three years old, war broke out in Sierra Leone in 1991. I remember literally going to bed one night, everything was good.The next day, I woke up, bombs were dropping everywhere, and people were trying to kill me and my family. We escaped and ended up in Gambia, West Africa.
While we were there as refugees, we didn’t know what was going to become of us. My mum however applied for refugee status and Australia accepted us.
Before our travel, my mum came home one day, and said, “We’re going on a little holiday, a little trip.” She put us in a car and we drove for hours and ended up in a bush in a remote area in Gambia. In this bush, we found two huts. An old lady came towards us. She was ethnic-looking, very old. She had a chat with my mum, and went back. Then she came back and walked away from us into a second hut.
I was confused and didn’t know what was going on.
The next thing I knew, my mum took me into this hut. She took my clothes off, and then she pinned me down on the floor. I struggled and tried to get her off me, but I couldn’t. Then the old lady came towards me with a rusty-looking knife, one of the sharp knives, orange-looking, has never seen water or sunlight before. I thought she was going to slaughter me, but she didn’t. She slowly slid down my body and ended up where my vagina is. She took hold of what I now know to be my clitoris, she took that rusty knife, and started cutting away, inch by inch. I screamed, I cried, and asked my mum to get off me so this pain will stop, but all she did was say, “Be quiet.”
This old lady sawed away at my flesh for what felt like forever, and then when she was done, she threw that piece of flesh across the floor as if it was the most disgusting thing she’s ever touched. They both got off me, and left me there bleeding, crying, and confused as to what just happened. I was only nine years old.
Later on, when I was much older and aware of what had happened to me, I confronted my mother about what had happened to me. I said to her:
“Those years ago, you circumcised me. You cut away something that belonged to me.”
She said, “Yes, I did. I did it for your own good. It was in your best interest. Your grandmother did it to me, and I did it to you. It’s made you a woman.”
I’m like, “How?”
She said, “You’re empowered, Khadija. Do you get itchy down there?”
I’m like, “No, why would I get itchy down there?”
She said, “Well, if you were not circumcised, you would get itchy down there. Women who are not circumcised get itchy all the time.Then they sleep around with everybody. You are not going to sleep around with anybody.”
And I thought, her definition of empowerment was very strange.
Even to this day, there’s still a lot of shock, confusion, a sense of hurt, and betrayal. To be lured away and then instead of going on a holiday, you end up having the most horrific act done to you. I don’t know how one processes that. To this day, I go to therapy.
I don’t think people can comprehend the brutality of female circumcision. It’s quite a horrific practice. It’s brutal. No anesthetic. No calming, loving words. Nothing to dull the pain. No painkillers. Just you and a razor blade, or a knife, or a scissors — whatever they can get a hold of — and then they start chopping away. I don’t know how one gets over that. I don’t think anyone does. I’m really frank in saying, I don’t think I’ve unpacked a quarter of the issues surrounding FGM. It’s like a constant reminder, every day. I can’t take a shower without somehow getting a hint of sadness and pain. I can’t escape it.
Photo courtesy Khadija Gbla/David Mauriz
When I started having my period around the age of 14, I realized I didn’t have normal periods because of FGM. My periods were heavy, they were long, and they were very painful.Then they told me I had fibroids. They’re like these little balls sitting there.One was covering one of my ovaries.
I consider myself disabled, sexually. I don’t feel like a complete woman in that I don’t feel like I’m getting the range of sensations that I should be getting. I get only limited amounts — probably five to 10% of sensation.
I was told that it would be very hard for me to conceive, that I was practically infertile. Like most women who are told that they can’t have a child, it’s a pain you carry around with you and it’s hard to talk about. I wouldn’t tell people.
Saturday 6 February 2016 is the International Zero Tolerance to FGM Day.
I would cry at night with my husband and he would wake up asking, ‘Why are you crying?’ I’m like, ‘Because I want a child.’ The idea that the choice was taken away from me — I didn’t become infertile because an accident happened and made me that way. I became infertile because my mother chose to do an act that caused that.
In my community, I got ridiculed for being the woman who couldn’t have a child. I was judged. When I tried to pick up people’s kids, they would take the child away from me like I was a leper. It was quite a painful experience.
Then, I got pregnant. I know I am the lucky few circumcised women, because there are so many women out there who have infertility.
A vaginal birth was out of the question for me, because of the scarring I have internally. So cesarean was the only option for me to have a healthy baby. The idea to have a vaginal birth and to have so much cutting down there was terrifying, and my midwife said to me that my scar could open up, which would, for me, destroy the five to 10% of sensation I have. With all of that, I became quite depressed during my pregnancy, because I didn’t know what a delivery would look like for me.
It was a very traumatic experience. The only joy was when my baby was given to me. He was healthy; I looked at him and I have never felt a love like that.”
And that is Khadija’s story. Moved me to tears. Today, Khadija is uses her FGM experience to advocate against the harmful cultural practice. She is the director of an organization called No FGM Australia, which seeks to create awareness about FGM.”
*Information sourced from Khadija’s TED talk, with excerpts picked from her interview with Refinery29.
I met these adorable boys (below) at the Children’s Traffic Park last September, during the Multiples to Multiples Society fun day. Multiples to Multiples is a support group for those who have twins, triplets, quadruplets, quintuplets and… what comes next?
As I watched these boys skate their way through the park, having so much fun, pulling skating stunts, falling down, helping each other up, hi-fiving each other and all those things boys do together, it made me wonder when my boys will ever get that big (they are 2 years and 4 years). But I consoled myself because I figured there was a mother somewhere with an infant wondering when her baby will ever get to be 2 years old :). Patience Maryanne, patience.
So anyway, if you’re a mum of multiples or know of one who is, then let them know about the Multiples to Multiples Society and that they can be a part of it. There is also a Facebook group of theirs that is very very helpful (open to both mums and dads), so make sure you join it too. Sometimes, you need the advice, comfort and support of someone who has gone through your exact same situation -raising twins or triplets, and that group offers just that.
