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Claris Ojwang: We Miss you and with Faith, we Hold on.

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
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10

When I learnt about Claris’s story via one of the Mama Facebook groups that I’m in, I was deeply moved. Especially because her experience is something that can happen to any woman, to any mom. It could have happened to me. It could have happened to my sister, to my friend, to my colleague. It could have happened to you.

But who is Claris, you ask?

In February this year, Claris Ojwang, 26, was beaming with joy as she and her husband anticipated the birth of their second born. Two weeks to her due date, her husband George accompanied her for an ante-natal visit. Despite her swollen feet, which are characteristic of many pregnancies at that stage, the doctor assured the couple that all was well, though he recommended bed rest for Claris.

But the following day, things went awry. While resting at home, Claris suddenly collapsed and after being rushed to hospital, underwent an emergency CS where her second son, Henry Jude was born. Today, Henry Jude is a bouncing, healthy five month old boy. But sadly, the same cannot be said of his mom. Claris slipped into a coma after the birth of her second born.

Claris had developed pre-eclampsia, a life-threatening pregnancy related condition whose symptoms include high blood pressure, accompanied by protein levels in the urine. Pre-eclampsia usually appears during the second half of pregnancy, and it can be fatal.

Today, Claris continues to fight for her life in the High Dependency Unit (HDU) of Aga Khan Hospital, Nairobi. She has never laid her yes on her son Henry Jude, she has never held him in her arms; he has never suckled from her breasts. Thankfully though, Jude is well taken care of by his father George Ojwang, who has taken to playing the roles of both mom and dad to their two sons – Henry Jude and three-year old Haroun James. All three of them terribly miss the woman in their lives –Claris’s warmth, cheer and laughter. As days go by, they pray and hope that she will recover and return home to them.

Let’s continue praying for Claris’s recovery, and supporting her husband and two boys in any way that we can. So far, she has undergone more than 10 surgeries, and with her hospital bills continuing to soar, George has basically exhausted the family’s savings for these purposes. This, after the insurance company informed him that they would not chip in because his wife’s ailment was pregnancy-related.

So if you’re in a position to help George meet part of the bill, then you’re most welcome to. How can you do so?

There are T-shirts for sale at Ksh 1,200 which can be purchased from the Trendy Mums shop located on the ground floor of Cameo Cinema, Kenyatta Avenue or at the Trendy Mums shop at Remax Shopping Village, Argwings Kodhek rd.

Or you can place your order by calling George on 0721 261 617 or Bernard on 0700 074 448.

You can also MPESA her husband George Ojwang on 0721 261 617

Also note that there will be a fundraising on Tuesday 31 July 2012 at Charter Hall, beginning at 5.30pm.

You can read Clairis’s full story as published in the Daily Nation here.

Wishing Claris a quick recovery.

xoxo.

Pearls of Wisdom: Pieces of Advice to My Daughter (3)

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
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7

Santina Nyagah, author of the food blog Broccoli Crazy, is mom to six year old Michelle and two-and-a-half year old Jeremy. I asked her what pieces of advice she’ll give Michelle as she grows up, and this was her response:

“When you asked me advice I would give my daughter the first thing that came to my mind was the song by Martina Mcbride “In my daughter’s eyes”. It was one of my favorite songs after Michelle was born, and it still brings tears to my eyes each time I hear it play. It defines motherhood and what being the mother of a girl means to me.

I see the world through my daughter, and these are the pieces of advice I’ll give to her as she grows.

Michelle,

On being yourself….

The best gift you can give yourself is to love yourself completely, despite any imperfections you may have. Because afterall, none of us are born perfect.

On loving others……

You can only give as much love as you have in yourself. If you hate yourself, then you will hate everyone around you, but if you love yourself, then there will be nothing but love to spread to the world around you.

On life…..

Life is like a jigsaw puzzle; you have to find the pieces that fit you and complete your own puzzle. That is the way it is with everybody and that is why it is futile to compare yourself with other people. We are all here on earth to find the pieces that fit.

On being brave…

As you go through life, you have to be brave and not give up. No one is born brave but life teaches us how. When problems come your way (as they surely will), you need to remember these words as sang in Martina’s song….”hang on when your heart has had enough, and give more when you feel like giving up.”

On career…

Do follow your heart, but listen to your head too; it’s all a balancing act between what you love and what’s going to put food on the table.

On being a mother….

The best thing that happened to me was being a mum, because it taught me selflessness and that you can never love too much -only too little.

On marriage….

Marry your best friend, that way when the wrinkles set in and you are both tottering around the house together on walking aids, at least you can hold hands and still talk to each other.

On raising kids

Raise them in a better manner than I raised you… I am human after all and may have made some mistakes but above all raise them to be better human beings.

And finally…

We are all here for a reason and a season, so do your best, dream big and leave the world a better place than you found it. And to never forget to laugh – it’s never that serious.“

Thanks Santina for sharing your gems to Michelle.

Not All Moms Have Enough Breastmilk for their Newborn. Myth or Fact?

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
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11

I recently did a post on exclusive breastfeeding, and how I managed to do so with my son Kitty for his first six months.

Well, one of the issues that many new moms worry about is their milk supply, and if they will be able to produce enough breastmilk for their newborn. Through different forums, I have heard many moms ask this question many times, and the responses have always been varied.

So I talked to a community health nurse who works alot with new moms about this issue, and this is what she had to say:

After I did this post, some moms differed with the nurse. Read their sentiments in the comments below. What are your thoughts? What was your own personal experience?

Disposable Diapers or Cloth Nappies? A Kenyan Mom Explains Why she Settles for Cloth

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
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5

In those days when we were growing up, the only option our moms had for our soiled behinds was cloth nappies.  You know –those white square nappies that used to be folded into a triangle then pinned on our hips with a humongous scary binnie (safety pin). I know that since then, cloth diapers have metamorphosed into more comfortable ones that are well padded and even look like fitting underwear -though I know many moms in Kenya today still use the original cloth nappies of them days.

Despite this advancement, disposable diapers seem to be the order of the day and are the preferred option for many moms that I know of. I don’t actually know anyone who uses cloth nappies as such. Myself, I use them occasionally on Kitty here and there, but certainly not regularly. Why do I use disposable diapers? Purely because of the convenience. Period.

Slippers and DiapersSo it was interesting to come across one mom the other day, who swears by cloth nappies. Her name is Nthenya, and she is mother to a 2 year old daughter, and is expecting her second born in November this year. This is what she shared:

MT: Tell me about your preference for cloth nappies.

Nthenya: Environmentally, disposable diapers are not fully bio-degradable. The chemicals they put in them are meant to absorb moisture, keep the nappy from falling apart and stop things getting too stinky. But they are not safe. In Europe, parents have access to disposables that don’t contain any chemicals and are fully bio-degradable -you can actually put them in your compost pit and in a year or so, there will be very little trace of it. It is largely for this reason that I use cloth nappies.

By the way, nappies with poop can’t be composted as there is a risk of spreading disease. Only wet ones can be composted and the nappy has to be a brand that says it can be put in the garden compost (though not the ordinary compost pit we learnt about in agriculture lessons).

I think it will be a long time before we see these kinds of disposables in our markets and which will not cost half our monthly salary! I hope though that this will soon happen in Kenya.

MT: Is there any particular regimen you follow in washing  cloth nappies?

Nthenya: Even though cloth nappies are a pain to wash and they can stink up the house especially if the taps are dry, I still prefer them. On days when water is scarce, I keep them soaked in tea tree and lavender solution in a bucket with a lid until water returns (I also do this when I find myself busy and don’t have the immediate time to wash them).

After they are well soaked, I wash them in hot water, avoiding detergents and bleach because those too can cause damage to a baby’s bottom or cause the fabric to age too fast. I then dry them in the sun to kill off any nasties that were not killed by the tea tree oil, as well as to remove poo stains. This way I’m sure of what’s going on my baby’s bottom.

Disposable colorful baby diapers.MT: Have you ever used disposable diapers?

Nthenya: Yes I have and this is occasionally when we have serious water issues. When I use them, I make sure I change baby every hour or so and coat the bottom in a thick layer of nappy cream or coconut oil. Disposables are wonderfully convenient but until the time when we can buy the good environmentally-friendly disposables locally, I will stick to cloth nappies.

So those are Nthenya’s reasons for why she uses cloth nappies. Who else uses cloth nappies like her, and what are your reasons?

To Moms with Daughters, How do you Manage your Girls’ Hair?

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
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10

I have good friends who are moms to daughters. Like Mama Tutu & Wema, Mama Renee, Mama Tasha & Jessie, Mama Michelle, Amanda & Neema, Mama Faith & Hope, Mama Tash, Mama Kwavi, Zainabu & Nyambura, Mama Shani, Mama Charlotte & Alexia, Mama Natalie…

What do these friends of mine have in common? That I have all heard them talk (repeatedly) about their little girls’ hairs.

This post was inspired by Mama Ella who writes her blog the green calabash when she tweeted this: “So mother’s of boys –with a quick brush of hair you’re out of the house, huh? Must be nice.”

When I saw her tweet, I smiled. I smiled because she was quite right. Very on-point. Kitty’s hair is just a few hairs, so I don’t even bother combing it. Once I dress him, we’re out of the house in a flash.

But I guess not so for moms with baby girls.

I always hear my friends wonder what to do with their girls’ hair –what hairstyle to put and all.  Our African hair is absolutely beautiful, but admittedly sometimes quite stressful to manage. Especially when you’ve just unbraided it and it tangles and you have to wash it. Combing it is the equivalent of pulling out a tooth!

Now imagine washing, untangling and combing your little girls’ hair and you’ll be lucky if both of you are not in tears at the end of it all. Mama Renee tells me that many are the time she gets so stressed about her daughter’s hair that she just wants to sleep and wake up when it’s all grown, smooth and silky. Many are the times she’s been tempted to cut it altogether. Many are the times she holds her chin in her hands shaking her head about it.

These are just some of the questions I’ve heard my friends with daughters ask:

1.    Will I manage to untangle the hair and straighten it without the comb or blow-drier breaking?
2.    Should I unbraid and wash her hair at home or should I just take her to the salon and let them do everything?
3.    How much time will they take at the salon?
4.    Will I find a good hairdresser who understands my girls’ hair and won’t cause her too much pain and handle her roughly?
5.    Will my little girl cry if I leave her at the salon alone while I rush for some other errands? Will she be able to sit still? Will she cry? And if she cries, what will happen then? Will the salonists let her cry herself sore or will they comfort her? Should I leave her with some snacks?
6.    Or should I work on her hair at night when she’s in a deep slumber?
7.    Which color of braids is in fashion this time? Is it purple, pink, white or blue?
8.    Should you put ribbons, beads, rubber bands or colorful headbands on her hair? Which are the ones that will cut her hair?
9.    Or should I braid those cute school girl lines or matuta’s instead?
10.    Or should I just perm the hair? Is she too young to have chemicals on her hair? Are there side effects? Will the chemicals cook her brain cells?
11.    Or should I just put baby dreadlocks on her? Are they allowed at school? In church?
12.    How much maintenance will be required for the hairstyle, and will I need to keep revisiting the salon or touching it up at home or will it last for a month?
13.    Or do I just cut the hair altogether?

The questions are endless. Pretty much I guess the same story my mum had when my sister and I were little girls.

But you know what? I always look at little girls hairs and I feel jealous. Because they always look so pretty and adorable with their cute ribbons and colorful bands and jolly attitude as they walk with a spring in their step in their flowered little dresses. But I’m made to understand that getting them to look like that –there are lots of tears that have been shed in the process –both by the girl and the mom.

Taking photos while her daughter is being braided is one of the distraction techniques Mama Renee has learnt to apply

Do Visiting Kids Help Around your House Like These Ones?

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
-
5

My sister has two daughters -9 year old Tasha and 6 year old Jessie. Now, you must be knowing one or two of those crazy aunts who are always so obsessed with their nieces or nephews, right? Well, one of those aunts is me.

Before I had Kitty, I was mad crazy about my nieces, hanging out with them almost every other day and buying them all the forbiddens –chips, sausages, chocolates, sweets, icecream etcetera etcetera. Despite my sisters’ protests against me doing so, I never quite understood her rationale. But now I do. Totally. Sometimes it takes experience to teach you some of these things.

Anyways, I still interact a lot with my nieces, but not as much as I used to. I love my nieces very much, and I love their impressive mannerisms even more.

Take for example the other weekend when my sister and her girls passed by ours for a visit.

The girls, when finished eating, cleared the table and the older one –Tasha immediately began cleaning and rinsing the dishes. No one had asked her to do so. Meanwhile, her little sister was cleaning the table and trying to arrange the tables and stools that had been used for our meals. And after cleaning up, both girls swept and mopped the kitchen floor, ensuring that they left it sparkling clean.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay, I know we used to help around a lot when we were kids as it was expected of us by our parents. But there’s something about kids of today that makes me think that these things don’t happen much anymore. I hear tales of kids who come home from school and drop their bags on the floor, littering the living room with their socks and sweaters and expecting the housegirl to pick up after them. I also hear there are some girls growing up believing that housegirls are supposed to wash their inner wear –they just remove their jeans and panties and throw them inside the laundry basket. I know of kids who basically don’t undertake any chores in the house and expect everything to be done for them. And if they do anything, they have to be bribed to do so. And the task that you’re asking them to do is to spread their OWN beds or to clean their OWN room! I wonder what happens to such kids when they grow up and get into their own homes and build their own families.

Reminds me of this Nigerian proverb that says: “It is the habit that a child forms at home, that follows them to their marriage.”

Well, that is why I was impressed by my nieces. Ofcourse they weren’t required to  do so, but they just  did so out of their own volition. I know there are many other kids who help around when they go visiting, and in this day and age, I think that is quite something.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As for me, I don’t know what the secret to raising well-behaved kids is, but I know I’ll certainly do my best with Kitty. His father and I hope to raise him to be a responsible and well-mannered young man. So I wonder, what chores can boys help around with when they come visiting? Help open the soda bottles maybe?

No seriously, somebody tell me how boys can help when they visit.

Pearls of Wisdom: Pieces of Advice to My Daughter (2)

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
-
1

What pieces of advice will you give your daughter as she grows up? What words of advice will you give her and hope she will hold close to her heart throughout her life?

I talked to Mama Zoe, and this is what she had to say:

How about you? What pieces of advice will you give to your daughter as she grows up?

If you want to share your pearls of wisdom with other Mummy Tales readers (just like Mama Zoe and Mama Renee did), send me three photos of you and your daughter/s, together with the words of advice you’ll give her/them and I’ll put this up next Monday. Send to maryanne@mummytales.com

Have a lovely week!

10 Things NOT to Say to a New Mom

By
admin
-
39

When I was a fresh new mom, there are things that people said to me that just got me shaking my head in wonderment. Things that were said that were sometimes well-meaning, well-intentioned, but totally outrageous. Others just intentionally mean. While admittedly, being a new mom comes with so much joy, sometimes people can really kill that joy by the things they say. Just so you be aware, here are some of those questions, comments or statements that new moms find to be quite unpleasant.

1.    Baby has not arrived yet? Kwani when is your due date?

Hallooooo, I gave birth three months ago -can’t you see? Sigh!

2.    You mean you’re still wearing maternity jeans? (you gave birth three months ago).
If you’re wise you’ll know that the stomach doesn’t deflate automatically the baby pops out. FYI many new moms still have a ‘stomach’ weeks and even months after the baby is born.

3.    Ummm…that’s an interesting baby name…
We  parents of today have gone all out in terms of baby-name creativity, with everyone having their own preferences, so you could try and downplay the judgmental tone and facial expression of ‘what on earth were you thinking when giving your baby such a name’? Yes, some names are quite curious, but I suggest that you move along and just continue minding your own business.

4.    Are those eyebags you have? You’re starting to let yourself go….usijiachilie…
Can I give you my newborn you see how much sleep you’ll get and if you won’t have a similar look? Truth is, most new moms hardly sleep. They say you sleep when baby sleeps, but when baby sleeps –that’s when you need to rush for a quick shower, organize the grocery or shopping and other house-management duties. And when finally done, when the new mom finally slumps onto the bed for a quick nap, at that very particular moment -the baby wakes up. Again. For the nth time. So excuse new moms please if they have blood shot eyes and huge eye bags and if they keep yawning every two minutes as you talk to them.

Did I hear you say that she needs a SERIOUS pedicure and manicure?

5.   “My dear, you need to start losing that baby weight now.”

And as they say this they’re shaking their heads and analyzing your from head to toe, in a mix of emotions ranging between disapproval and disgust. Let me not even get started on such people. Or those who engage in bragging remarks such as… I lost all my baby fat immediately or my baby slept all through the night from birth #rollseyes. Could you just shush already and not try to rub it in my face??? Every baby is different you know!

6.    You baby is so light, kwani you’re not feeding her? Ni kadogo sana haka.

Are you insinuating that I’m starving my baby or what? New moms already worry too much about too many things  -their baby’s health being number one. So this mom is already stressed knowing that at the last baby clinic appointment the same thing was asked, so could you just drop it? Some babies put on weight fast, others gain it slowly. And could you please refrain from saying ‘ha-ka’ when referring to my baby? Ha-ka is to say what now? Grrrr.

7.    What? You had a normal delivery? But your baby is soooo huge! Where did he pass through?
And in their minds they’re most likely pitying your husband.

8.    After all that food you ate (while pregnant) and the elephant that you were, you only managed to produce a baby this tiny? This is all you were carrying?
Like really? The wisdom of some people simply amazes me.

9.    Haiya, the baby looks just like his father.
And that surprises you? Were you expecting anything different?

10.    So when is baby number two coming?
Excuse me, can my stitches heal first? And can you mind your own business in the first place?

Any new mom wish to add more to this list? Feel free to do so in the comments section below :).

10 Tips to Buying a Nursing Bra

By
admin
-
1

One of the issues I agonized about when I was about seven months pregnant with my first son was the issue of nursing bras. Where would I buy one? What size would fit me? What was I supposed to be looking for while buying? What colors were best -or did color really matter? How many bras would I need? Did I need those with lace, padded ones, (or push-ups even?), or did I need those with an underwire and if I did, would they block my milk ducts…. I had no clue. So I instead preferred to procrastinate on the issue.

Thankfully, my mom –seeing that I clearly wasn’t keen on the urgency of the matter surprised me one day by gifting me three new nursing bras. She actually did so two days before I got my son! This was in my ninth month of pregnancy. Don’t ask me what I was planning to wear if she hadn’t done so because truth be told, I was TOO tired and TOO lazy and TOO heavy that I didn’t even have the energy to do anything. Don’t we just thank God for moms?

A happy breastfeeding mum. Photo: Photo: Let’s Talk Breastfeeding, Kenya.
A happy breastfeeding mum. Photo: Photo: Let’s Talk Breastfeeding, Kenya.

Anyway, if you are an expectant mom and are in a similar situation, there are some tips that you should look out for when buying a nursing bra. I spoke to Josie M. Karoki, a Breastfeeding counselor and Lactation consultant at Huny Suckle who shares the following tips about what to look out for when shopping for a nursing bra:

1) Use a sizing guide to measure your size as this will help you buy a bra that is your correct size. After measuring your size, you may not end up with the bra size you think you wear, but you’ll most likely end up with one that fits better.

2) Your breasts will enlarge as your milk “comes in” after birth, so purchase one or two less expensive bras late in pregnancy. Buy those that are one numerical size and one cup size bigger than your normal size. For instance, buy a 38D if you’re currently a 36C.

3) There are certain designs of nursing bras that can be worn during pregnancy and when breastfeeding. These tend to have the cross-over design at the front and also make good sleeping bras because not only are they comfortable, but they still offer some good amount of support.

Huny suckle ke

4) When your breast size settles down -usually after the second week, purchase additional bras that fit well.

5) Most nursing bras have several rows of hooks at the back to allow for changes in breast size and ribcage expansion during pregnancy. If you buy a bra that fits well when fastened on the second row of hooks, you’ll have room to get a bit bigger or a bit smaller.

6) Different bras provide different levels of support and even women who are small breasted will feel heavy and full when the milk “comes in”. However, it is very important for large breasted women to wear a bra with extra support to prevent back pain and discomfort around the breasts.

7) The bras that offer the best support have wide shoulder straps and fabric that surrounds the entire breast even when the cup is open for feeding.

Josie_Karoki_1

8) You’ll need at least three bras: one to wear, one in the laundry, and one in the drawer. Owning a few more means you’ll have to wash less often.

9) There are many styles of nursing bras available for breastfeeding moms to choose from. It is advisable to initially buy only one of a particular style, to test it.  When you find a bra you really like and on that suits you, then purchase more of that style.

10) Some nursing bras have underwire that provides extra support. If you choose a nursing bra of this style, make sure it is a good bra with underwire that is soft and flexible to prevent discomfort and to ensure the wire does not press on the breast thus causing blocked ducts.

Josie M. Karoki
Josie M. Karoki

 Josie M. Karoki can be reached on Josephine@hunysuckle.com

Happy Breastfeeding!

Also Read: “Why I Hid my Breastfeeding Experience from my Relatives” -Grace Katiku

Remember to keep updated with latest posts by following Mummy Tales on: Facebook Instagram mummy_tales and Twitter: @MummyTales

other photos: huny suckle

Rachael Macharia on ‘Pearls of Wisdom: Pieces of Advice to my Daughter’

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
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2
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