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10 Things NOT to Say to a New Mom

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When I was a fresh new mom, there are things that people said to me that just got me shaking my head in wonderment. Things that were said that were sometimes well-meaning, well-intentioned, but totally outrageous. Others just intentionally mean. While admittedly, being a new mom comes with so much joy, sometimes people can really kill that joy by the things they say. Just so you be aware, here are some of those questions, comments or statements that new moms find to be quite unpleasant.

1.    Baby has not arrived yet? Kwani when is your due date?

Hallooooo, I gave birth three months ago -can’t you see? Sigh!

2.    You mean you’re still wearing maternity jeans? (you gave birth three months ago).
If you’re wise you’ll know that the stomach doesn’t deflate automatically the baby pops out. FYI many new moms still have a ‘stomach’ weeks and even months after the baby is born.

3.    Ummm…that’s an interesting baby name…
We  parents of today have gone all out in terms of baby-name creativity, with everyone having their own preferences, so you could try and downplay the judgmental tone and facial expression of ‘what on earth were you thinking when giving your baby such a name’? Yes, some names are quite curious, but I suggest that you move along and just continue minding your own business.

4.    Are those eyebags you have? You’re starting to let yourself go….usijiachilie
Can I give you my newborn you see how much sleep you’ll get and if you won’t have a similar look? Truth is, most new moms hardly sleep. They say you sleep when baby sleeps, but when baby sleeps –that’s when you need to rush for a quick shower, organize the grocery or shopping and other house-management duties. And when finally done, when the new mom finally slumps onto the bed for a quick nap, at that very particular moment -the baby wakes up. Again. For the nth time. So excuse new moms please if they have blood shot eyes and huge eye bags and if they keep yawning every two minutes as you talk to them.

Did I hear you say that she needs a SERIOUS pedicure and manicure?

5.   “My dear, you need to start losing that baby weight now.”

And as they say this they’re shaking their heads and analyzing your from head to toe, in a mix of emotions ranging between disapproval and disgust. Let me not even get started on such people. Or those who engage in bragging remarks such as… I lost all my baby fat immediately or my baby slept all through the night from birth #rollseyes. Could you just shush already and not try to rub it in my face??? Every baby is different you know!

6.    You baby is so light, kwani you’re not feeding her? Ni kadogo sana haka.

Are you insinuating that I’m starving my baby or what? New moms already worry too much about too many things  -their baby’s health being number one. So this mom is already stressed knowing that at the last baby clinic appointment the same thing was asked, so could you just drop it? Some babies put on weight fast, others gain it slowly. And could you please refrain from saying ‘ha-ka’ when referring to my baby? Ha-ka is to say what now? Grrrr.

7.    What? You had a normal delivery? But your baby is soooo huge! Where did he pass through?
And in their minds they’re most likely pitying your husband.

8.    After all that food you ate (while pregnant) and the elephant that you were, you only managed to produce a baby this tiny? This is all you were carrying?
Like really? The wisdom of some people simply amazes me.

9.    Haiya, the baby looks just like his father.
And that surprises you? Were you expecting anything different?

10.    So when is baby number two coming?
Excuse me, can my stitches heal first? And can you mind your own business in the first place?

Any new mom wish to add more to this list? Feel free to do so in the comments section below :).

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39 COMMENTS

  1. Ur baby is light, but her ears r not as light, she wil darken as she grows…

    So unakagua mtoto wangu ndiooo!!!?

  2. I got thE number 8 and number 5 comment and yani I just blacklisted that cartoon from my list of acquaintances NKT!!!

  3. For me i am not a new mum but i have a 5-year old. I HATE it when i meet people (including men) n they all go like ‘so when ru popping another one?’ some go ahead to say ‘si u just pop now n finish’ …… (i am so mad right now i don’t even know what type anymore…. let me just breath first…..)

    Who are you??? Are you all of a sudden a gynecologist? worse still, are you now God’s assistant and u have inside info that my eggs will rot in a few months so i have to pop that baby now??? Go sew a dress or something… my fertility is none of your problems!!!!!!

  4. The worst i ever heard and from my in-laws…’kweli nimeamini huyu mtoto ni wa X, hiyo birthmark ni yetu kabisa!! or kweli nimeamini huyu mtoto ni wetu
    vile anapenda ugali!

  5. maryanne i swear this one just cracked my ribs….especially No. 4 n 7. haki you just brought back memories id rather forget n forgive. imagine my neighbours kagirl asked me…..mama faith na hope huyo mtoto mwingine atazaliwa lini? halafu kanashika tumbo yangu…..that was soo innocent, i went n looked at myself in the mirror n just wondered kwani ni kubwa aje!!!

  6. I know it’s almost a year later that i am posting but better late than never. A male friend of mind told me to my face ” Nooooo, that weight is too much” as he continued to do a Miss Piggy impersonation.

  7. why is ur baby’s haiir so red? kwani humpei matunda? aarggghh!! kwani everyones hair is supposed to be black? apana. nimemvalisha wieve.

  8. My girls name is sheena. so a lady i know asks infront of people. what’s your new baby’s name? i tell her. Why did you choose that one, it sounds like sinner. To avoid answering her i walked away

  9. my baby is 15weeks old,and my neighbor said “aiiii umegain weight,si uta burst..kwani kazi ni kukula tu lazima uanze kuenda gym”….what!!!!

  10. LOL! Ditto to all the above points. It is now almost eight months and my tummy is Not at all flat so my workmate keeps on asking if situps are that hard to do? SMH
    Do not even get me started on those who ask what your feeding your baby “ni mkubwa tu sana” umm breastmilk!!!

  11. All i can say is dat pple shuld learn 2 keep such rude comments 2 themselves.wateva baby u get thank God 4 dat gift he’s gvn u.

  12. Hardly a year after i gave birth, i still had the pot and a colleagues goes….aki congrats, naona umeamua wafwatane…………

  13. Mtoto analia sana ama hashibi? By then ur changing tops every hour coz ur soaked in milk.

    Another one mtoto analia ama ni diaper change? I swear that one can change ur babys diaper every hr so a whole day 24 diapers na ako serious.

  14. Why are you so skinny yet you’re breastfeeding? You need to eat properly and put on more weight (this said when LO is well above the growth curve)

    Aiii…kwani what are you feeding your baby? Si he’s overweight? (I’ll take note when I hear it from his paediatrician).

    Kwani you’re baby hasn’t started walking yet? I thought they start walking at X months??? (most ignorant comments from people who don’t have kids)

    I also hate it when people keep checking to see who he more resembles – like it makes a difference. As far as I’m concerned, he resembles himself!!!

  15. Some fool asked me on Sunday something related to No. 2. A jamaa. Ati kwani you are expectant again? I just looked at him and told him yes! He could see me carrying a 5 month old baby and ask me such a question! Nkt

  16. My son is 7months. Ako na rash. I was taking him to hospital n since its in my hood i decided to take a walk there. I bumped into a bunch of my friends n wololo the “doctor” in them sprung! “baby has eczema” Mara “Toto is allergic to some food. what ru weaning him” mwengine ” hiyo ni heat rash” another”kwani u don’t use an anticeptic in ur house”……….aaarrrggh!!!!! Just when i thought they we’re done another adds “N julez u need to seriously work out”
    Jameni!!!!

  17. I got my baby n lost like 4kgs afterwards,a friend askd me wewe hutawai nona,kwani baby fats hazikukusaidia?ur evn smaller:gosh

  18. Wow! this post has really cracked me up at work. Good Job. i agree the people with the most ignorant comments usually dont have kids. i have a beautiful 3 month old baby girl. i remember when i was expecting a male collegue of mine said “wewe hutamake kupush mtoi”. i just asked him “when did you ever push a child out of your vagina”?.( i was so pissed off) As my boss proceeded to laugh…other comments i have received are:
    1)my neighbor saw me 2 months after… and she says “aaiiiiiiii gosh si you have added so much weight gosh”..kwani you are just taking uji???
    2)” heee mtoto wako hana kilo it seems you arent feeding her well..please take Njahi, liver (add any other food here)
    3) “Gosh now how do u look?? when was the last time you visited the salon”?
    4) “haki these days umenitupa. You dont go out or want to meet up” ( perharps i just had a child and she needs my breasts for nourishment)
    5) “Your boobs are huge!!!!. You look like a Cow”

    the list is endless..

  19. lol….repenting of any such comment i have ever made!….and praying to keep my mouth shut!. No.7 has cracked me,….and the comments…lol!!!

  20. planning to have my second born. At least I have learnt to give a deaf ear to those comments.
    One of the annoying comment is when you are told that the baby is crying coz of hunger na ako two weeks old. Ati apikiwe mandizi na waru.

  21. Oh my, and here I was thinking am the only one around funny characters,, my baby will be six months on Monday, kuna siku alilia neighbour akakuja, “wewe Wangui si unyonyeshe mtoto, ama hutaki matiti ihang unajua nyinyi wasichana wa siku hizi hamueleweki” waaaa had it been my high school days when I was short tempered and carefree, the flask on my table would have landed on her face, I mean why would I be so selfish, Nkt, wengine wakikuja, ati hee na mtoto ako na chubby cheeks, at least atanona si kama baba yake, really?

  22. I was completely unable to breastfeed my son who is 9 months now. I had to feed him on NAN……surely never my wish as I so much looked forward to being a mother and enjoy breastfeeding my son………….someone said……….ulikataa kunyonyesha mtoto…..isianguke!………..if only they knew the mental torture I was going through from six months………………….if only I could get more information bringing up my son.

  23. 1. “You look exhausted.” When did that ever become an appropriate sentence to say to someone, New Mom or not? People say it all the time, but has anyone on the receiving end ever felt anything but insulted by it? And how the heck is New Mom supposed to respond to it?
    “Uhh, thank you?”
    “That’s funny. I’ve never felt more rested in my life. This two hour sleep schedule the baby has me on is doing wonders for my energy levels.”
    “Thanks for pointing that out. Come closer so I can stab you with this nasal aspirator.”
    Instead say, “You look great.” Period. Stop right there. Don’t add anything like, “for someone who just had a baby” or “but you look like you could use some sleep”. Just stop at “You look great.” Outwardly, she’ll deny it, but inwardly, she’ll glow.
    2. “You’re not formula-feeding, are you?!” “Formula-feeding” could be replaced by any number of things, such as “breastfeeding”, “letting her use a pacifier”, “circumcising”, “not circumcising”, etc. The point is, if you’re asking a judgy question because you think New Mom should do something differently, just shut your pie hole.
    There are three things that are true about 99% of moms, new and old: We love our children to death, we’re doing the best we can for them, and we second guess everything we do. So New Mom certainly doesn’t need you adding to her self-doubt.
    Instead say, “You’re doing a great job taking care of that baby.” Because the truth is, she is doing a great job, regardless of whether she Ferberized the kid or not.

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