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Who Knew What a ‘Butternut’ Is?

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
-
8

As I began weaning Kitty, one of the foods that was ranked highly among the first foods to wean baby with was butternut.

Now, I didn’t know what butternut was. What I thought butternut was, was a kind of nut. And not an ordinary kind of nut. By ordinary kind of nut I mean the usual nuts that you and I are used to –such as njugu karanga, coconuts or macadamia nuts. But because I had never heard of butternut, I thought it was in the same family of almonds, chest nuts, hazel nuts, pistachio nuts, pine nuts, walnuts etcetera etcetera. The kinds of nuts that are found in those upmarket shopping stores, malls and grocery stores located in the leafy suburbs.

The weaning information I reviewed talk so highly of butternut, but because butternuts were out of my immediate reach, I swiftly moved on to weaning Kitty on foodstuffs that were locally available and within my reach.

So one day while I was passing time twiddling my thumbs waiting for someone within the precints of a shopping mall in the neighborhood, I strolled into a supermarket and began window shopping. And as I was doing so, I spotted a small jar of food and on it was a label written ‘butternut’. And it was selling at Ksh 50. Alas! How lucky was I? Whatever nut this butternut stuff was, here it was –in a very local supermarket and at a pocket friendly price! Yaaaay!

So I quickly picked one jar and made a mental note that if Kitty took to the butternut well, I would dash back to the supermarket and clear the shelf of all butternut, lest they run out of stock or the prices suddenly go up.

So when I got home, I didn’t give him the butternut just yet. I kept waiting for a good time to serve him this exotic food. I wanted it to be at a time when I was home and had all the time to concentrate and read the label carefully (because it had a long list of nutritional contents mentioned), then give him a taste, and watch out for his reaction. Most likely on an easy Sunday morning.

For two weeks I didn’t touch it because I was always busy over the weekends and I didn’t want distractions while introducing this new food with such a lovely sounding name to Kitty.

Now, I usually buy my groceries from a small kibanda near home, and while the vendor is slicing up my vegetables, we usually engage in the usual idle banter that Kenyans like when there is nothing to talk about. Politics is the most popular topic at such times, and if you want to create conversation, just start a sentence with: Raila, Ruto, Kibaki, Kalonzo, Uhuru, Syokimau….and the tongues will wag endlessly.

So anyway, on this day I didn’t feel like talking politics with the vendor, and so as he was slicing the spinach, I took one of the fruits that I had always seen but had never known it’s name.

Me: Na sasa hii ndio fruit ndio munaitanga nini?

Him: Hiyo ni butternut.

The mind is a really funny thing I tell you. It can really play tricks on your psychology. Just because I had been preoccupied and dreaming about butternut in recent days, now I was also hearing my own things.

Me: Ati inaitwanga?

Him: Hiyo inaitwa butternut. Kwanza ni mzuri sana kwa katoto ka miezi sita hivi.

As he was finishing the sentence, my jaw was almost dropping to the ground and my heart was now beating very fast.

Me: Ati inaitwanga nini tena?

Him: (now getting impatient) Haiya kwani huamini? Si ni butternut!

I collapsed.

When I came to (in my mind that is), I asked him: Na unaiuzanga aje?

Him: Ni 30 bob.

You’ve got to be kidding me. I was very confused. Why?

First, the butternut is no nut at all. Kumbe butternut is malenge! Ala!

Secondly, I have been seeing that ‘fruit’ everywhere there are vegetable vendors, but I had always assumed it’s this kind of strange fruit that I wasn’t interested in trying. I always thought it was a kind of watermelon or soft coconut something like that.

Thirdly, it was 30 bob? The tiny butternut jar I had in the house was for 50 bob, and this 30 bob one could make 4 times of that jar. As in the quantity of that 50 bob jar was equivalent to 30 bob divide by 4 (I hope I’m making sense though clearly you can tell how well my mathematics grades were in school).

I immediately dashed home, prepared the butternut and fed it to Kitty. And he loves it lots!

Butternut squashOh well, I’m learning new things day by day. Some of them the most obvious things that are not so obvious afterall. The good thing though about this whole experience is that Kitty gets to eat butternut that is all freshly prepared. And most importantly -is friendly on my wallet!

Meanwhile, the commercially packed butternut in the small jar still remains unopened.  Your guess on whether I will give it to Kitty is as good as mine.

© Photographer: Sarsmis | Agency: Dreamstime.com

Doula’s in Kenya: Should This Expectant Mom Hire One?

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
-
1

A Mummy Tales reader, 8 months pregnant recently asked me about a doula as she is contemplating using one. She was wondering if it is worth getting one. But she is not alone in her enquiry, as it seems that an increasing number of pregnant women (especially those in Nairobi) have been asking the same.

But before I go on, who or what is a doula in the first place, you might be asking.

Well, I asked around and was referred to Esther, a doula practicing in Nairobi and this is the information she gave me:

The word doula has its origins in Greece, and means ‘a woman who serves’. The word is today used to refer to a trained and experienced professional who provides continuous physical, emotional and informational support to the mother before, during and just after birth. Or one who provides practical and emotional support during the postpartum period.

In Kenya, you can find two types of doula’s:

The first is a birth doula. This is one who works with the expectant woman during pregnancy and during labour. After birth, this doula will usually do a follow up visit at the new mom’s home to ensure that both mum and baby are doing fine and are well settled.

When the pregnant woman is in labor, birth doulas rely on techniques such as massage, aromatherapy, visualization, positive positioning, emotional support, encouragement and nurturing to help with the process.

 

The doula is also an ally for the woman’s spouse or partner, who may have little or no experience with the labour process and may find it anxiety provoking. Often, the doula will help the partner find ways to support the labouring woman. A good doula supports, encourages and educates the father or partner during labor, rather than replacing them.

The second type of doula in Kenya is the postnatal/ postpartum doula.

Such a doula comes in once the mum and baby are discharged from hospital. They educate the new mom on lactation techniques, and address any breastfeeding challenges such as sore nipples, engorged breasts and nipple rejection. This doula also educates the new mother on issues surrounding expressing and storage of breast milk.

The doula educates the new mum on management of colic, infant soothing and coping skills. She also guides her on how to properly bath and massage the newborn. She also offers guidance on infant feeding and baby nutrition basics.

Esther can be found on 0722 776 210 or 0734 776 210.

Incase you didn’t know who a doula is, atleast now you have an idea. So back to the Mummy Tales reader who is 8 months pregnant and wondering if she should use one. Did you use a doula when you were pregnant or when you were a new mom? Would you use a doula if you were in labor? Is a doula necessary when you have your loved one/s there with you? Is a doula worth it? Your thoughts?

Is it Safe to Have an X-ray When Pregnant?

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
-
1
Can x-rays done on a pregnant woman cause any harm to her unborn baby?
I’ve just come across a news item in today’s newspaper (The People pg 5), which says a baby with severe deformities has been born in Kilifi District Hospital -the second such case in two months. Nurses say the rare abnormalities could be due to ‘many x-rays’.
This piqued my interest on the matter, especially because many a time, we women don’t know we are are pregnant until when we are weeks or even months into it. And during this time, we might have a medical condition that might require us to undergo an x-ray. It’s always good to be informed.
So here is some information that sheds light on this issue. (This information is by the Food and Drug Administration, The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, and the American College of Radiology).
X-rays, Pregnancy and You
Pregnancy is a time to take good care of yourself and your unborn child. Many things are especially important during pregnancy, such as eating right, cutting out cigarettes and alcohol, and being careful about the prescription and over-the-counter drugs you take. Diagnostic x-rays and other medical radiation procedures of the abdominal area also deserve extra attention during pregnancy.
Diagnostic x-rays can give the doctor important and even life-saving information about a person’s medical condition.  But like many things, diagnostic x-rays have risks as well as benefits. They should be used only when they will give the doctor information needed to treat you.
You’ll probably never need an abdominal x-ray during pregnancy. But sometimes, because of a particular medical condition, your physician may feel that a diagnostic x-ray of your abdomen or lower torso is needed. If this should happen – don’t be upset. The risk to you and your unborn child is very small, and the benefit of finding out about your medical condition is far greater. In fact, the risk of not having a needed x-ray could be much greater than the risk from the radiation. But even small risks should not be taken if they’re unnecessary.
You can reduce those risks by telling your doctor if you are, or think you might be, pregnant whenever an abdominal x-ray is prescribed. If you are pregnant, the doctor may decide that it would be best to cancel the x-ray examination, to postpone it, or to modify it to reduce the amount of radiation. Or, depending no your medical needs, and realizing that the risk is very small, the doctor may feel that it is best to proceed with the x-ray as planned.   In any case, you should feel free to discuss the decision with your doctor.
Young plus-sized pregnant woman in red dress

What Kind of X-Rays Can Affect the Unborn Child?

During most x-ray examinations – like those of the arms, legs, head, teeth, or chest – your reproductive organs are not exposed to the direct x-ray beam. So these kinds of procedures, when properly done, do not involve any risk to the unborn child. However, x-rays of the mother’s lower torso – abdomen, stomach, pelvis, lower back, or kidneys – may expose the unborn child to the direct x-ray beam. They are of more concern.

What Are the Possible Effects of X-Rays?

There is scientific disagreement about whether the small amounts of radiation used in diagnostic radiology can actually harm the unborn child, but it is known that the unborn child is very sensitive to the effects of things like radiation, certain drugs, excess alcohol, and infection. This is true, in part, because the cells are rapidly dividing and growing into specialized cells and tissues. If radiation or other agents were to cause changes in these cells, there could be a slightly increased chance of birth defects or certain illnesses, such as leukemia, later in life.
It should be pointed out, however, that the majority of birth defects and childhood diseases occur even if the mother is not exposed to any known harmful agent during pregnancy. Scientists believe that heredity and random errors in the developmental process are responsible for most of these problems.

What If I’m X-Rayed Before I Know I’m Pregnant?

Don’t be alarmed. Remember that the possibility of any harm to you and your unborn child from an x-ray is very small. There are, however, rare situations in which a woman who is unaware of her pregnancy may receive a very large number of abdominal x-rays over a short period. Or she may receive radiation treatment of the lower torso. Under these circumstances, the woman should discuss the possible risks with her doctor.

How You Can Help Minimize the Risks

  • Most important, tell your physician if you are pregnant or think you might be. This is important for many medical decisions, such as drug prescriptions and nuclear medicine procedures, as well as x-rays. And remember, this is true even in the very early weeks of pregnancy.
  • Occasionally, a woman may mistake the symptoms of pregnancy for the symptoms of a disease. If you have any of the symptoms of pregnancy – nausea, vomiting, breast tenderness, fatigue – consider whether you might be pregnant and tell your doctor or x-ray technologist (the person doing the examination) before having an x-ray of the lower torso. A pregnancy test may be called for.
  • If you are pregnant, or think you might be, do not hold a child who is being x-rayed. If you are not pregnant and you are asked to hold a child during an x-ray, be sure to ask for a lead apron to protect your reproductive organs. This is to prevent damage to your genes that could be passed on and cause harmful effects in your future descendants.
  • Whenever an x-ray is requested, tell your doctor about any similar x-rays you have had recently. It may not be necessary to do another. It is a good idea to keep a record of the x-ray examinations you and your family have had taken so you can provide this kind of information accurately.
  • Feel free to talk with your doctor about the need for an x-ray examination. You should understand the reason x-rays are requested in your particular case.

The above information is found on this link.

Photographs: Dreamstime.com

The above information can be found here http://1.usa.gov/uVGrHD

Pray, What Exactly is this Alabastron Business?

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
-
22

Ummm, what exactly is this alabastron kenya thing? Anyone know?

Over the last couple of weeks, this alabastron name has been flying all around me –left, right and center. And yet I still have no clue what it’s all about. And so do many other women around me –my friends, relatives, colleagues etc.

One of my friends talks highly about it. She talks about it very passionately. But yet I still don’t get it. And neither do most of our other mutual friends.

Is it a bible study class? Is it a self-help course? Is it a support group-workshop? Is it a networking forum? Is it a retreat? Is it a movement? Is it a crusade? Is it for all women or is it exclusive to a certain group of women? Is it for working women? Is it for married women? Is it for mothers? Is it for women of a certain age group? Must you pay to attend it? Is it recommended that all women do alabastron?

Pray, just what exactly is this alabastron thing?

Now those who have had interaction with alabastron vow that you become a new woman after you attend the class/group/workshop/retreat/movement/bonding sessions (I don’t know what to refer to it as). That you look at life differently. That you see everything in a new perspective. That your whole life changes. That your persona feels refreshed. That you learn to deal with many ‘issues’.

That you become a better wife. That you become a better mother. That you become a better daughter, sister, friend, colleague etc.

And when I ask how, when I ask what exactly it is that is taught or shared in alabastron that makes you a better woman, I am told that I just need to attend the alabastron class/group/workshop/retreat/bonding/movement to ‘understand’ it.

See why I’ve still never gotten it? I’m yet to get someone who will break it down for me kinaga-ubaga. Someone to explain it to me as though I were a two year old.

Now, I have never attended an alabastron for two main reasons:

–          I have never been convinced enough to dig into my pocket and pay for something that I don’t quite understand.

–          I’m not one to attend self-help stuff.

PS: Anyone who knows me knows I’m an avid reader. I read lots of newspapers, magazines, journals and lots of novels (fiction novels), biographies, the Bible etc. Actually I’m always reading one thing or another. Even in traffic I read. But anyone who knows me knows I don’t do self-help books. Not by the longest shot. My whole essence has just never resonated well with self-help stuff. Hard as I try (and beleive me I  do try) I don’t get past the preface. And if I really really do because the person who has gifted me with such a book has insisted and I feel obliged to, I don’t get past page 2.

I prefer reading about personal experiences –ones that are exclusively written and not inserted or camouflaged in self-help books.

So my understanding about alabastron right now is that it’s a self-help kind of thing. And many of my friends (who don’t understand it) also think it’s a self-help thing too.

Maybe I’m ignorant. Maybe someone hasn’t explained it to me well. Maybe I’m biased because of my attitude towards anything self-help. But that’s just me.

What I know though is that with alabastron –either you get it or you don’t. The ones who have gone through it are all praise for it (I’m still yet to understand why). And the ones who don’t get it (and we’re many) are yet to be convinced it’s worth spending anything -either money or time on it.

Oh well. *sighs heavily*

Image: Granitetheatre

Ouch!!!!!!!!! That’s my Nipple!

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
-
6

Ouch!!!!!!!!!! That is the reaction I’ve found myself repeatedly chanting over the last couple of weeks.

And this happens when I’m nursing Kitty when suddenly, I feel this searing pain tear through my entire body –when he bites my nipple HARD. Ouch!!!!

My ouch! screams are usually accompanied by the knee-jerk reaction of quickly withdrawing the boobie from his mouth and then looking down at him, wondering what possibly could be the problem with him.

And when I look down at him, my eyes already getting wet on account of the pain, he in turn looks up at me and we do the macho-fighting thing. Then, to my horror, I usually watch as in slow-motion, his face breaks into a sly toothless pink grin. Possibly a sign of victory. Crafty little baby!

I’ve noticed he usually bites me when he’s already full and is now getting bored. Sometimes his boredom catches me unaware and this is when the pain is most searing. The pain that I usually feel is somewhat similar to the one that one gets when they hit their little toe against the sofa, stool or table. The one that makes you jump up and down like a bunny rabbit. A very intense pain which thankfully, lasts for just a few minutes.

Kitty doesn’t even have any teeth, but yet his bite makes me wonder what his gums are made of. Steel?

So now I’m wondering how it will be like when he gets teeth, because I know he’s teething right now, perhaps more reason why he’s taking his biting activity a notch higher. Gosh, I’m literally shivering at that thought. Because I do intend to continue nursing him for as long as it will take.

Mama Tasha advices me that when he bites, I should reprimand him a ka-polite one, so that he’ll get the message that nipple biting is not allowed. I have always attempted to do so, but each time I try to, I find myself running my fingers through his scanty un-even hair, papasaring him the way you papasa a cat (I forget the English word for papasa). Then I touch his face and pull at his cheeks a little bit and tell him what a cute little boy he is as he looks up at me and chuckles with the sweetest toothless-pink-gums you ever saw.

Aaaaawwwwww, now how am I expected to reprimand such a doll?

Lord, My Woman is Talking!

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
-
7

Is this woman you?

Well, I came across this poem and I have kept reading and re-reading it coz it’s quite an interesting one. Interesting because I don’t know why….maybe after you read it you’ll know why it’s somewhat interesting to every woman. It’s a poem that I definately had to share with you. Here, have a read:

Lord, my woman is talking
Give me four ears to hear her…

Lord my woman is talking and speaking
Give me six ears to listen to her…

Lord my woman is talking and speaking and saying things
Give me eight ears to understand her…

Give me more ears Lord.
She is saying this and that, that and this…
That I this and that she that.
Blah, blah, blah, my woman’s bleating.

Lord, she is saying that in 2004, January 4th, in the morning, at 9:30, I…
Lord, how does the morn of early 2004 matter today?
She is saying that I don’t listen, never give her an ear…
Lord, add me ears I share with my woman in coming years!

Lord, my woman is speaking in tongues
About hair and love, pink and lollipop, black and forest, ooh and aah;
My woman, she says Tina is a bitch and Ali is a bitch and I bitch and…
Oh Lord, more ears please: my woman is bitching!

Lord lend me ten, twenty, thirty, hundred ears
(or cut off my woman’s tongues)
Quickly M’Lord, because my woman just called to say…

We need to TALK!

© OLUOCH-MADIANG’  ( http://madiang.wordpress.com/ ).

See why me thinks it’s an interesting read? Particularly the part that says: “Lord, she is saying that in 2004, January 4th, in the morning, at 9:30, I…”

Hmmmm…, I think that is so on-point! #speakingformyselfwhohasasuperphotogenicmemory

 

 

 

 

Naturally, the poem has been authored by a man. I wonder, does this man capture a common trait of we women, or is he just exaggerating how we converse with our men? Because the way he has put it, it appears as though some women can literally talk their men to their graves? Wooiii!

In Memory of Babies Gone Too Soon -Sharing Contacts

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
-
0

This is a follow up post to one I had done three weeks ago, which you can read on this link http://bit.ly/paEEHf

The feedback I got from the post -through the phone, SMS’s, emails and in the comments section were plenty, almost everyone saying they know of women who have undergone such losses. Some ladies shared their personal stories of loss and I salute them for their courage and bravery, because I know that they helped many readers just by doing so.

Most of the time, friends and families are always there to provide the much needed help and support to a woman or couple going through such difficult moments, but sometimes more specialised help might be necessary, and this can be in the form of counselling.

So today I would like to share the contacts of a professional counsellor, just incase you feel the need to follow-up the issue at a professional level, have questions you would like answered, or if you would like to refer someone and/or their family.

Below is the note from a counsellor who was kind enough to allow Mummy Tales to share her contacts through this blog.

“My name is Anita Awuor and I’m a professional Counseling Psychologist.  It is hard to lose a child at any age, whether the child is in-vitro or when the child is older. I have spoken to parents who have lost their little ones at both stages. And it cannot be denied that the pain is there.

Personally, I have lost two babies, each loss coming with with many questions, very few answers and a whole lot of tears. My babies were 12 weeks in-vitro, and I felt each loss acutely. But what I know is that the pain lessens. The sadness lessens, but the sense of loss still remains. And yet like all lossess in life, you will overcome it. Though it may not seem like it at the begining but it is possible.

If you have any questions or issues you would like me to address, you can contact me on amawuor@gmail.com “

Regards,

Anita.

image: dreamstime.com

Are Such Type of Friends Really Worth it?

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
-
14

This morning, a good buddy of mine asked me and a few other friends a question that is always on many a woman’s mind.

She said that she’s giving up on some friendships, that she thinks she tries too hard with some friends yet they just don’t care.  Are some friendships really worth it, she wondered.

So I’ve asked around our mutual friends and the responses are quite interesting. We do have women friends in our lives who don’t add any value to us at all, and they include the following:

–          Friends who call you to download and vent their different issues then hang up leaving you totally drained. Meanwhile, they never even bother to ask how you’re doing yourself. It’s all about them, them, and more them.

–          The kind of friends who keep complaining and finding fault in everything –their work, their family, their relationships… and it somehow feels like it’s your duty to comfort them.

–          The kind who when visiting you, will not move an inch from the couch to get themselves a drink from the kitchen (yet they know they are free to do so) or rise up to pour themselves a drink, all the while expecting you to serve them and be at their beck and call.

–          The kind of friend who you think you are close with, and so you invite her to your wedding but who doesn’t show up and you never hear from them. Then you call them up about a month later –fearful that maybe something happened to her, only for her to tell you of how guilty she’s been feeling and can’t face you –guilty because she didn’t come to your wedding because of some reason that does not even sound credible to herself.

–          Friends who when visiting you, you feel obligated to go out of your way to entertain them lest they get bored. You do everything possible to make them happy, even if it means assembling all your kids and telling them to break into song just to entertain the visitor.

–          Friends who call you just to brag about their kid’s birthday bash which they didn’t invite you or your kids to. Then post the photos on their facebook account and tag you in this photo album.

–          Friends whose kids always come to your place for sleep-overs but when yours ask to go to their place, they give all sorts of excuses –that their housegirl is on leave, that it’s their turn to host chama that weekend, that they’re replacing all their furniture that weekend etcetera etcetera… Three years on they’re still giving excuses and three years on their kids have slept over at your place numerous times.

–          Friends who come to your house and act as though they are much better off than you. They don’t hesitate to remind you that their children go to the most upmarket schools where ‘so-and-so’s child is also a pupil there too (a celebrity parent).

–          Friends who search for you endlessly –calling you, SMS’ing you, skyping and facebooking you – just to let you know that their kids are going to South Africa for holiday camp.

–          The kind of friends who don’t understand when you have to leave ‘the coffee with the girls’ early or can’t be out late (like you used to before) because you have to go home to be with your kid, or have to miss the Sunday afternoon ‘polite nyam chom/easy drinks plot’ because auntie has the day off and you have to hang out with the kids.

–          Friends whom you’re having coffee or a drink with and when you have to leave because your husband has arrived and is downstairs waiting to pick you -they roll their eyes and jokingly say “Nowadays you’ve changed so much since you got married…that siku hizi unaringa sana…” (but after a while you notice that they’ve stopped saying it jokingly).

–          Friends who never forget to mention that their living room furniture set was purchased from Odds & Ends while casting glances at your set that was obviously made by Njoroge whose furniture shop is located along the dusty path of Gacharage road.

–          Friends who talk about how they do their hair at that upmarket salon and they share the same hair stylist with Millie Odhiambo, Martha Karua or Rachel Shebesh.

–          Friends who you have to book an appointment three months in advance just to visit them. One of my pals has actually told me that she has a friend who has a daily guest list at the gate and if you’re not on it on that day then the watchman won’t open the gate for you. Even if you produce your identity card to show that you’re a relative of hers, the watchman still won’t open for you because you’re not on the list.

–          And the list goes on….

But you know what the bottom line is? Friendship need not be a struggle. You need to have friends whom you don’t feel you owe anything to. Friends with whom you are comfortable around. Friends who don’t make you feel like they’re in competition with you. Friends who if they visited you and after all stories have been beat there develops that ka-silent moment (the shetani amepita moment) you don’t feel that you are the one who has to suddenly start a conversation and pressured to say something –however irrelevant or idiotic it is. Friends who drain you and make you leave you feeling oh so tired. *Yawn*

© Photographer: Devonyu | Agency: Dreamstime.com

We need to embrace those whom we have sincere times together, friends who understand that some inevitable changes have to happen when one’s status changes -that ideas change, priorities change, time becomes limited…and that it has nothing to do with intentionally alienating them from your life, we need the kind of friends who we can call in the middle of the night, the ones who you can go to their house with a running tummy and sit on their toilet bowls and sigh with relief as you go about your business loudly….

PS: A big thanks to my lady pals for inspiring this blog post and for allowing me to quote you word for word. You know yourselves. Cheers mamas.

So what kinds of friends are in your life and who you think you are better off without?

Mama Zoé: Most Women Fight their Mothers Only to Become their Mothers

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
-
3
Me and my daughter Zoe.

Today Mummy Tales has a guest writer; Mama Zoé, a new mum who shares her experience -wondering what kind of mum she will be to her four-month old daugher Zoé. Will she raise Zoé just like her own mother raised her? Read on… 

“Mama Kitty and I always meet and share our motherhood experiences every other day, we being new moms and trying to figure out our way around this mommyhood world. Her son is just a month and a half older than my daughter Zoe. Let me begin by saying that Maryanne’s blog has had me in stitches on days that I thought I was insane (read confused on what to do with a newborn). It was nice to read the experiences of one who recently went ahead of me. Learn from her hard earned trials and errors. But most importantly, know that there was someone else out there who I knew who knew what I was going through.

Mama Kitty holding baby Zoe when she came over fora visit 🙂

I want to write about how things have changed today –in comparison with how we were raised those days. Reflecting back on my younger days -how we were raised and kids and how we are raising our own kids today -there is a lot to be pondered over. Times have really changed! For example, when I was young:

  • Mums could leave their children with younger siblings, some as young as 10 years old and be away from the house for hours –having gone to the market or to a matanga (for God was in charge)
  • We’d get a good beating (not spanking) for any small ‘mistake’ such as eating at the neighbors’ place, playing with soil, losing your cardigan or not returning the exact change after being sent to the shop
  • Your friend or neighbor’s mum was also your mum, and punishment from her was normal. Further, a beating from her was expected to end with gratitude.
  • Our Auntie’s (housegirls) had powers equal to mummy (especially when it came to meting out punishments)
  • Kids had absolutely no say around adults. It was bad manners to speak around adults.
  • Sometimes you were beaten for being the eldest and watching any wrong doing happen (for you are supposed to be your brothers’ keeper).
  • Kids were weaned as soon as they started suffering from insomnia

My mum, God rest her soul in peace – subscribed to some of the practices above. I still think she was the best mother I could ever have. If I was to choose, I’d definitely pick her over and over again. My mum did have some great qualities that I believe will influence the mother that I am today and will become in the future.

My daughter Zoe.

You know what they say, that “we are subjects of our past”.  If the saying is true, then I wonder what kind of a mother I am, or will be. With how we are raising our children, I wonder how fairly or harshly they will judge us when their time comes. But just in case I exhibit some of the above behaviours (some currently classified as child abuse) when raising my absolutely loved Zoé, I hope she will understand where I’ll be coming from.

For because they say (they again) that: most women fight their mothers, only to become their mothers.”

Saying a Prayer for our Relatives Abroad

By
Maryanne W. Waweru
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1

I’m going through today’s newspapers and I’ve just come across an article that has made me smile with gratitude. It’s generated a deep warmth in me, from the deepermost part of my heart.

Sometime late last year, I read an article about this bright boy from Baringo called Edwin Chebon who had won a university scholarship to the Philippines.  Good news that was. But his stay at the Philippines turned out to be a nightmare.

A nightmare because his sponsors did not fulfill their pledge of ensuring that he completed his university studies there –and Chebon ended up being thrown out of campus. In no time, the 21 year old was homeless and kept moving from place to place, at the mercy of well wishers who would offer him food and accommodation. Imagine that experience of a rural boy straight from Kenya and into a foreign country where he knew no one.

The writer of the article described how Chebon’s dad broke down in tears as he spoke about his son. You can only imagine the kind of pain that would drive a grown man to tears, especially infront of other people. Chebon’s mother was crying uncontrollably. And so was his grandmother. Thank God I’m not the one who covered this story because I’m sure I would have been struggling to control my emotions.

So because I know the agony of having a relative in a far away land, and not knowing whether they are well or not. Not knowing how they are fairing. Not knowing whether they will ever come back home. Not knowing whether they will come back dead or alive. Always jumping up when the phone rings, hoping it’s them, longing to hear their voice and they reassuring you that they are well. Always cringing in fear when the phone rings and it’s a non-Kenyan number, dreading that it might bear bad news about them. Praying for them each day for God’s protection in their lives. Watching family members not talk about the issue, but yet badly wanting to talk about it. Drying their tears when they decide to talk about it, as you contain your tears too. Talking about this person during family gatherings and looking at family albums, cherished memories and having a good time. Calling them up at such times and passing the phone round for all family members to have a chance to speak to them ‘for just a minute’. Longing for their status updates on facebook. Savoring the pictures they post on their profiles, or the albums they create on facebook. Staring at these photos all day and remembering the good old days. Talking to them on chat or skype. Remembering the days of yore.

Many of us have family members abroad. Sadly though, the recent cases of people (especially women) being killed by their spouses have been on the rise, and these have been most chilling. Cases of parents killing their children. What is happening to our brothers and sisters abroad, we keep asking each other. All sorts of theories about this have been forthcoming. But what remains a constant is that we need to pray for our family members and friends who are abroad.

It’s not all gloomy though, for there are our brothers and sisters abroad who are bringing pride to their families and to our country with their achievements. We celebrate them all.

Anyway back to the Edwin Chebon story, I have smiled with delight when I read that the boy is back home. Back home to the warmth of his parents. I can only imagine the agony that his parents have gone through for the last 10 months or so. And even though Edwin says he regrets the time he wasted in Philippines, regretting that he has returned without the coveted degree he had hoped he would get, I wish I could tell him that his safe return home is more important than anything else in the world. Nothing can ever compare to having your child back home with you, especially having undergone such a traumatic experience in a foreign land. Just ask his parents.

And I wish all those people abroad who keep struggling with the decision of whether to come back home or not, ashamed that they have nothing to show for all the years spent abroad, scared of what people will say, regretful that they haven’t accomplished much in the years they have been away – I wish they knew that all that doesn’t really matter. Coming back home is more important than people’s opinions, or material achievements. So just come back home. It will be alright.

Edwin Chebon’s story is in today’s edition of The Standard Newspaper, page 18, where he talks about his experiences in the Philippines and what exactly happened to his dreams of higher education. You can read it here http://bit.ly/sR8XDM

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