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Why do Women Judge Each Other?


My toe nails right now -they are a sight to behold. I have been trying and trying and trying many a time to find time to go for a pedicure, in vain. Thank God for this cold weather because I can get away with wearing closed shoes as I would be totally embarrassed if I had to wear open shoes because them toes don’t look too good.

You know the way women have bad hair days? Me, I’m currently having some really bad toe nail days.

In the past, weekends are when I used to have all the free time to engage myself in self-pampering activities such as doing my nails and hair. However, I have recently discovered that my weekends seem to have only 6 hours in a day. I somehow just can’t get enough hours in my day. I wake up early on Saturday morning and before I know it, its night time already. And shortly thereafter, I’m watching Sunday Live with Julie Gichuru. Watching Sunday Live is not usually very nice for me because it always signals the end of the weekend. *Sad smiley* And that’s when I always realize that I haven’t done all the things I needed to do. Such as engage myself in self-pampering activities.

My current situation has got me thinking about a conversation I had with some pals of mine sometime back. Now, one of them had told us about this lady who had gone to the salon to get her hair and nails did. Turns out that she had gone to the salon along with her five week old baby. Yes, five week old baby.

We were about seven of us, and we all had different reactions about this scenario. Some were totally miffed about why a mother would take her five week old baby to the salon –to be exposed to all those fumes, noise, pollutants, smells and possible ‘dirt’ at the salon. Others were of the opinion that maybe the mother didn’t have a choice but had to bring the baby along. Some thought she was totally irresponsible. Some didn’t see anything wrong with that. Yet others condemned her for being selfish and putting her beauty needs first before concern for the baby, for did she really have to do her hair and nails –it isn’t a matter of life or death afterall…. the debate went on and on with some castigating her, others supporting her and others having no opinion at all.

And now with my current bad toe nail situation, I’m reflecting on that conversation again.

You know what? We women really tend to judge each other. A lot. Sometimes very harshly. I admit I have many a time judged –just as much as I have been judged. Judging I guess usually results from seeing someone do something that you yourself think you would never do. When you frown on other people’s decisions. When you see someone do something that you think is ridiculous, stupid, childish or something like that. When you roll your eyes at them. Or shake your head in disgust. When you call your girlfriend up (as a matter of urgency) and begin the conversation with “Imagine you can’t believe what nani did… “ and then end the conversation with “Imagine how can she do that?” then you both sigh and say ‘talk laters dear”. Then hang up.

Yap, you may deny it, but we are all guilty of judging. Think of the following things that you might have said:

–          What is she thinking wearing such tight clothes?

–          You mean that’s the best hairstyle she could get?

–          You mean she’s pregnant – again!!!???

–          Why oh why did she marry that man? Of all the people she could have chosen???

–          Why is she still single at that age?

–          Why doesn’t she have any children? Or why does she have those many children (in this economic times)?

–          Why on earth is she a housewife?

–          Why does she still breastfeed that big baby?

–          Why are they paying that much rent instead of mortgaging? And ati they have two cars and yet they’re paying rent?

–          Why do they take their kids to that school yet they can afford to take them to a much better one?

–          How can she bring her children to such a place (an entertainment joint)? What is she thinking keeping them here till this time?

–          And so on and so forth (feel free to add to the list)

So question is –to what extent should we really care about what people say about us and our decisions?

Me thinks that if we all gave a damn about what other people say, we probably wouldn’t be where we are today. People are always gonna judge you anyway, whether you do good or bad. Or if you do nothing at all. Maybe it’s just human nature, I donno.

But all in all, I must get my toes done this weekend because they surely do look like Nebuchadnezzar’s. (Did I just judge Nebuchadnezzar’s name?)

image: dreamstime.com



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Maryanne W. Waweru is a Kenyan mum raising her two sons in Nairobi. A journalist, Maryanne is passionate about telling stories and hopes that through her writing, her readers learn something new, feel encouraged, inspired, and appreciative of what they have in their lives. Maryanne's writing focuses on motherhood, women and lifestyle. "Telling stories is the only thing I know how to do," she says.


  1. Hi maryanne, remember me??from parents?..i just stumbled on your blog and i loooooove it!!!! its like one of those movies that keep you glued to your seat..i couldnt stop reading it!!!i have been reading it all morning…very interesting stuff!! Great job!! Congrats on your little(he is probably not little anymore) bundle of joy and your marriage, i wish you all the happiness in the world and lots and lots of babies!!

  2. I am with you… kwanza me the first time i took Renee for a pedicure, i could see women sneering at me in the salon. She was like three and a half when i first took her. But i just thought to myself, here is a child who has ingrown nails, i could cut them but then i am sure i wouldnt do it properly…. on the other hand, i could pay someone who is trained to do thsi kind of work.. that way, i am creating employment (the goverment should pay me kwanza!!!) So, from that time, me n my baby we get mani pedis every so often n she even knows what colour she wants on her nails… NO APOLOGIES

    So, lets not apologise for the tight clothes, they feel just right on me. I dont apologise for my big stomach, its my hubbys ‘love handles’. No apologies that i own a car and living ina rented house; i need to be mobile to get me n Renee to Kittys birthday n the salon. No apologies that my child school fees is half my salary; i work to provide whats best for her…

    Ladies, lets live life and lets try not to judge!!! (eish, yaani i can write)

  3. @Miss Babes, I can only imagine how you’re given those sneers as you and your baby gal get them pedi’s and mani’s waaaah! And eehhh, yeah si you can write! If we were having this conversation face-face si i’m sure you’d be swinging your head from side to side…in an ‘I have no apologies to make’ swag?


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