Today Mummy Tales has a guest writer; Mama Zoé, a new mum who shares her experience -wondering what kind of mum she will be to her four-month old daugher Zoé. Will she raise Zoé just like her own mother raised her? Read on…
“Mama Kitty and I always meet and share our motherhood experiences every other day, we being new moms and trying to figure out our way around this mommyhood world. Her son is just a month and a half older than my daughter Zoe. Let me begin by saying that Maryanne’s blog has had me in stitches on days that I thought I was insane (read confused on what to do with a newborn). It was nice to read the experiences of one who recently went ahead of me. Learn from her hard earned trials and errors. But most importantly, know that there was someone else out there who I knew who knew what I was going through.
I want to write about how things have changed today –in comparison with how we were raised those days. Reflecting back on my younger days -how we were raised and kids and how we are raising our own kids today -there is a lot to be pondered over. Times have really changed! For example, when I was young:
- Mums could leave their children with younger siblings, some as young as 10 years old and be away from the house for hours –having gone to the market or to a matanga (for God was in charge)
- We’d get a good beating (not spanking) for any small ‘mistake’ such as eating at the neighbors’ place, playing with soil, losing your cardigan or not returning the exact change after being sent to the shop
- Your friend or neighbor’s mum was also your mum, and punishment from her was normal. Further, a beating from her was expected to end with gratitude.
- Our Auntie’s (housegirls) had powers equal to mummy (especially when it came to meting out punishments)
- Kids had absolutely no say around adults. It was bad manners to speak around adults.
- Sometimes you were beaten for being the eldest and watching any wrong doing happen (for you are supposed to be your brothers’ keeper).
- Kids were weaned as soon as they started suffering from insomnia
My mum, God rest her soul in peace – subscribed to some of the practices above. I still think she was the best mother I could ever have. If I was to choose, I’d definitely pick her over and over again. My mum did have some great qualities that I believe will influence the mother that I am today and will become in the future.
You know what they say, that “we are subjects of our past”. If the saying is true, then I wonder what kind of a mother I am, or will be. With how we are raising our children, I wonder how fairly or harshly they will judge us when their time comes. But just in case I exhibit some of the above behaviours (some currently classified as child abuse) when raising my absolutely loved Zoé, I hope she will understand where I’ll be coming from.
For because they say (they again) that: most women fight their mothers, only to become their mothers.”