My husband and my dad were in agreement (about termination of the pregnancy) and they called my baby a thing now. I was crushed. Totally crushed. I cried my heart out. I asked God so many questions. What had I really done to deserve this? I got visitors but couldn’t even talk to them. My baby was still kicking. How could I really end this pregnancy? I felt that everyone had turned against me.
I requested for second opinion from another doctor, who was not a resident doctor at that hospital. The new doctor came in, looked at my report for the two weeks I had been admitted, then came to my room. He evaluated me and told me that my abdomen was distended and my organs were retaining a lot of fluid. He explained I had HELLP Syndrome (a life threatening disorder thought to be a type of severe preeclampsia. It is characterized by hemolysis (destruction of red blood cells), elevated liver enzymes (which indicate liver damage), and low platelet count). He told me that the other doctors’ diagnosis was correct, and the best way to end the problem was to terminate the pregnancy immediately.
But I didn’t want to believe the doctors. I recounted the many times God had proved doctors’ diagnosis to be all wrong. I wanted God to come through for me. I had one night to think through it all.
I asked God for a sign.
My friends came in to see me and were talking and talking and giving me stories I wasn’t even interested in so I asked them to leave. I called in the nurse.
In a moment of desperation, I cried to her asking her, “What do I do?”
“You have to listen to the doctors. If you don’t, it will worsen. Then you will start nose bleeding and you’ll get seizures and you can even get a stroke,” she replied.
Then I remembered I had started nose bleeding a while back. I would feel like I was having a running nose and when I would check, I would find blood trickling. There and then, I knew that that was the sign I had been asking God for.
The nurse further mentioned that as a result of my pre-eclampsia, my baby was severely underweight, weighing just about 700gms. Even if they delivered the baby, because they had to, chances of survival would be small and the baby could have disabilities.
She continued: “Just do not look at the baby, do not hold the baby. It will be more depressing and you might end up being emotionally unstable.”
That was when I accepted my fate. I was going to lose my baby.
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