Let me just start by saying that I don’t like dogs. In all their variety –the cute ones, the fat ones, the fluffy ones, the skinny ones, the short ones…all of them – none of them tickle my fancy.
Because when I was a kid, one of their relatives chased me -in what I refer to as a near death experience. What happened is that when we were kids, there used to be so many stray dogs (mbwa mwitu) roaming idly around the estate. Dogs nowadays are disciplined coz I don’t see many mbwa mwitu’s. Or maybe it’s where I live.
Anyway, growing up, I used to hang around my two brothers a lot (more like stalk them) and go wherever it is they went. My brothers and I used to do lots of bird hunting (kuwinda doosh), bee catching and putting them in transparent jars so that they produce honey (the vanity of childhood) and tadpole trapping (like seriously???). By the way since I was never able to catch bees because I was too scared to actually do so, I would catch houseflies (don’t ask) and put them in a jar, then console myself that I had at least caught something.
Back to the dog story, I remember there was this time I was hanging out with my brothers and they were chokozaing a dog. You know how kids do it – they bark at a dog from a safe distance and then when the dog gets mad and begins coming after them, they run away fast then the dog gives up. So there were my brothers and the other boys barking at the dog and then running away, then coming back to chokoza it then running away, and the cycle continued. Meanwhile, me I was hiding right behind them while squeaking at the dog.
Then suddenly, the dog they were joking with got very very mad. That dog had had it. It wasn’t gonna be joked around with anymore. It suddenly sprang up and began gnarling at them and seriously chasing them. And the boys took off. But the dog didn’t stop chasing them. Me, because I was hiding behind the boys, I didn’t quite have time to read the dog’s mad mood and by the time I realized what was happening, the boys were long gone and the dog was right there – stark raving mad and coming for me with its menacing canines.
So there I was –alone, just like the deer caught in the headlights. The dog was not joking. I could not move. I was staring death in the face. There was no one around me. Just me and Mr. mad annoyed dog.
Then I heard one of my brothers’ call out to me to run as he grabbed my hand. Adrenaline checked in and my feet moved as my brother tagged me. As I was doing so, I could feel the canines of the dog touching the tail of my pink and green flowered dress. How I did not faint I will never understand. I was crying and screaming like a possessed woman running to I-don’t-know-where.
Suddenly, we saw a wide open gate with my other brother standing there, and we dashed in before it was quickly shut behind us. The dog was left there barking, annoyed at why the gate had been shut yet it still wanted to bite me. Sigh.
Meanwhile, in the safe comfort of my brothers’ arms, I was crying uncontrollably. I even peed on myself a little bit –just a little bit. Friends, I tell you I was scared stiff. I had seen death biting me with its ugly canines.
To be honest, I have never been more terrified in my life. I was traumatized and scared for life. My relationship with dogs ended there. I don’t like them and I feel nothing for them. Infact, I cannot be anywhere near I dog. I get shivers when I see one close by. I am the kind that will throw a stone at a dog if I see it not minding its own business and trying to come towards me -however friendly it might be. But thank God that has never happened because me and dogs we don’t operate in the same vicinity.
So it shocked me the other day when we were at Mwarikhwa’s, and she has these two Japanese Spitz dogs; Lola and Charlie -which her lovely baby girls Tutu and Wema love. When Kitty spotted the little dogs playing outside, he went over to the glass door and began trying to touch them and talk to them. I almost collapsed.
This is not a scene that I wanted to see. I gasped and I had a mild panic attack. I almost peed on myself a little – just a little bit. Granted, Lola and Charlie don’t look menacing at all, but bottom line is that a dog is still a dog by any other name. And dogs don’t tickle my fancy. I donno what I’ll do when Kitty grows up and I see him with my very own two eyes playing with a big dog.
Woooiiii, let me not think about it.
I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.