- Mummy Tales

My house girl, hearing the commotion, came out to check what was going on and found me –half naked, lying on the floor, bloodied and crying. As she helped me up (she too was crying, saying pole mama), that was the day I decided my marriage was over. I was done. Kaput. Finished. Thankfully, it was at night and my sons were asleep, so they didn’t get to see me in that state.

I called a boda boda guy to come for me, as my house girl helped me collect my belongings that had been thrown outside. The boda boda guy arrived and took me to my place of work. I took one of the rooms and made it my home. I painfully left my children behind, but I urged my house girl to take good care of them.

I decided to get myself together first before going back for my children. It pained my heart so much to be separated from my sons, but I had to do what I had to do. Many times my husband tried reconciling with me, but I refused. I was never going back to him. I didn’t even want to involve my parents because I knew they would tell me to go back to him. I needed to do this on my own.

After four months, when I felt I was psychologically ready and capable enough to take care of my sons, I went back for them. I just organized with the house girl (the same girl who had seen me go through so much) and picked them up one day while he was out at work. That was in December 2016. He didn’t fight me on that, thankfully.

Today, my life is much more peaceful. The negativity that clouded my life for more than a decade is no longer there. In fact, I am a much brighter person now. Many of my friends tell me I have a ‘glow’ nowadays. I have even added weight! My heart is so settled. We don’t have much, but my sons and I are comfortable. Every day I pray that God will give me the wisdom to raise them up into good responsible men.

One main reason why I stayed with my ex-husband is because I have sons, and I desperately wanted them to grow up with their father. Their having a father figure was important to me. But as the years went by, I wondered what kind of men they would grow up to be, especially because they would always witness their father verbally and physically abusing me. They would always see me crying. I began fearing that they would grow up knowing that all men beat their wives, and maybe they would take this path too with the women they would marry. I would never wish what happened to me to happen to another woman -much less my daughter(s) in law. I figured it was not worth it.

I got into the marriage when I was 21 years, and stayed in an abusive ‘marriage’ for 12 years. Those are years of my life that I will never forget. Sadly, my family –especially my dad, still thinks that I made a wrong move. He asks me why I left a good man to become a single mother. He still blames me for not fighting hard for my marriage. But I soldier on, knowing that I will make it, with God on my side. Thank you Mummy Tales for allowing me to share my story, and I hope it helps another woman realize that she too can get out of an abusive marriage and survive.”

#WhySheStays

And that is her story. If just like her, you have an intimate partner violence experience to share (you can remain anonymous) that you’d like others to learn from, inbox me on Facebook or email me on maryanne@mummytales.com with your story.

I know that many women stay in abusive relationships ‘because of the children’. But is it ever worth it? This story also depicts the significant role that parents and families (including the wazee) play in the whole situation of domestic violence. It also brings out the issue of marital rape, which many people don’t actually believe exists. “I mean, how?” they ask.

If you are in an abusive relationship, you can call the National Gender Violence Helpline (toll-free) number: 1195, and you will be greatly assisted. By the way I personally called the number and talked to one of the handlers – a counsellor, and he assured me that any individual who calls that number seeking help gets the right kind of assistance. Calling 1195 is free and operates on a 24-hour basis so you can call at anytime, from any part of Kenya.

By the way, this blog (Mummy Tales) has been nominated for a 2018 BAKE award -in the ‘Best Topical Blog’ category. I will appreciate your support towards this. Kindly click on this link to cast your vote (number 11 .e) for the blog. Thank you for your time.

Mummy Tales is a blog dedicated to empowering its readers on different aspects of maternal and newborn health, as well as various issues surrounding motherhood and women. Read more motherhood experiences of Kenyan moms here. Follow Mummy Tales on: FACEBOOK l INSTAGRAM l TWITTER